Puns (#27) Imported from Italy

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For Intelligent People (#27)

For Intelligent People (#27)

 

Puns Imported from Italy

I bought a computer from The Nero Company. It comes with a CD/Rome burner.

I used to think I’d hate Italian food, but I finally decided to give pizza a chance

 

Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they really know how to espresso themselves.

 

That Italian chef is really annoying. He’s making a pesto himself

 

Italian building inspectors in Pisa are leanient.

 

The compensation received by the Italian chef was a pretty penne.

 

My friend dropped his box of Italian pastries on the floor. I cannoli imagine what he must be going through

Puns (#27) Imported from Italy

Irish Puns (#26) and Quotes

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Saint Patrick

Puns for Intelligent People 001

The Irish lass was disappointed with the engagement ring from her fiance because it was a sham rock.

 

When Irish boys carry their little brothers, they get a Pat on the back.

 

The Irish should be rich because their capital is always Dublin.

quotes

 

Iris Murdoch

“I think being a woman is like being Irish… Everyone says you’re important and nice, but you take second place all the time.”
Iris Murdoch
Daniel Patrick Moynihan

“To be Irish is to know that in the end the world will break your heart.”
Daniel Patrick Moynihan
Pádraig Pearse

“Tír gan teanga, tír gan anam. A country without a language is a country without a soul.”
Pádraig Pearse

“May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, The foresight to know where you are going, And the insight to know
when you have gone too far”
Irish Blessing

Irish Puns (#26) and Quotes

Spelling Puns # 25

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Puns-001

Spelling Puns

My son’s spelling test consisted of synonyms of the word incorrect. He was able to write every wrong.

wrong

Little Jimmy told his teacher he never saw a hummingbird but he had watched a spelling bee.

The book of incantations was useless. The author had failed to run a spell check.

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

Mickey Mouse gives some people Disney spells.

English teachers can keep a class Spell bound.

Witches are good at spell-ing.

Puns for Intelligent People 001

Spelling Puns # 25

Puns for Your Holiday #24

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#19

#24

Those interested only in board games at Christmas might just be chess nuts roasting by an open fire.

This year I made my Christmas wreath out of Franklin Fir branches. I really like a wreath of Franklin.

 

Was Noel Coward afraid of traditional Christmas music?

 

A dog breeder crossed a setter and a pointer at Christmas time and got a pointsetter.

I tried wrapping Christmas presents, but I didn’t have the gift.

 

I thought Santa was going to be late, but he arrived in the Nick of time.

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

 

Santa goes down the chimney because it soots him.

Puns for Your Holiday #24

Puns w/a Melody #23

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Puns 001

Puns w/a Melody #23

 

To add to the punishment, Satan made all the tormented souls listen to elevator music. The Hells Are Alive With the Sounds of Muzak.

 

What do you call a musician who steals sheet music? A clef-to maniac.

Classical music is better than Mozart forms.

 

Was Noel Coward afraid of traditional Christmas music?

I wanted to be a clarinetist but I couldn’t reed music.

 

The optometrist moonlighted as a jazz musician so he could continue to improve-eyes.

Did you hear about the vampire who used to torture his victims with music? His Bach was worse than his bite.

 

Old musicians never die, they are just disconcerted.

Musicians need a leader because they don’t know how to conduct themselves.

 

Puns w/a Melody #23

Laborious Puns #22

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#19

#22

 

Theodore Roosevelt

“No man needs sympathy because he has to work, because he has a burden to carry. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

1.

Labor Day is a good time to stop and reflect on the august events the the preceding month.

2. Bringing a baby into the world is labor of love.

3.

He labored so hard that he worked his fingers to the bonus.

4. In some places there is a lot of Manuel labor for every Juan.

5. In some countries there is a lot of Manuel labor.
6. They used to experiment on dogs called laboratory retrievers.

7. A woman union leader who was pregnant had labor pains and then a striking baby.
8. At a company where they dig for gold a labor dispute is a miner problem where no one wants to get the shaft.

 

Laborious Puns #22

WIF Puns #26 – The Bright Lights of Fame

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82855391bQuotable Quotes 001

 

Emily Dickinson

“I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there ’s a pair of us—don’t tell!
They ’d banish us, you know. How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!”

Emily Dickinson, The Complete Poems

 

1.

The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

2. An electrician is a bright spark who knows what’s watt.
3. The sun was bright on a dry, cloudless morning, but later it waned.
4. Those who study the moon are optimists. They look at the bright side.
5. The brightest day of the week is Sun-day

 

1.

A Hall of Fame recently opened to honor outstanding female soldiers. It was a WAC’s Museum.

2. Derringer had one shot at fame.
3. Dorothy’s dog, of the Wizard of Oz fame, always eats his food entirely – he never leaves any scraps because it’s in toto.
4. Gladys the seamstress was recently inducted into the Pin Pushers Hall of Fame. I guess now she is a status thimble.
5. A hairdresser for a movie star had a brush with fame.

 

The Bright Lights of Fame