Puns w/a Melody #23

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Puns w/a Melody #23

 

To add to the punishment, Satan made all the tormented souls listen to elevator music. The Hells Are Alive With the Sounds of Muzak.

 

What do you call a musician who steals sheet music? A clef-to maniac.

Classical music is better than Mozart forms.

 

Was Noel Coward afraid of traditional Christmas music?

I wanted to be a clarinetist but I couldn’t reed music.

 

The optometrist moonlighted as a jazz musician so he could continue to improve-eyes.

Did you hear about the vampire who used to torture his victims with music? His Bach was worse than his bite.

 

Old musicians never die, they are just disconcerted.

Musicians need a leader because they don’t know how to conduct themselves.

 

Puns w/a Melody #23

Laborious Puns #22

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#19

#22

 

Theodore Roosevelt

“No man needs sympathy because he has to work, because he has a burden to carry. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

1.

Labor Day is a good time to stop and reflect on the august events the the preceding month.

2. Bringing a baby into the world is labor of love.

3.

He labored so hard that he worked his fingers to the bonus.

4. In some places there is a lot of Manuel labor for every Juan.

5. In some countries there is a lot of Manuel labor.
6. They used to experiment on dogs called laboratory retrievers.

7. A woman union leader who was pregnant had labor pains and then a striking baby.
8. At a company where they dig for gold a labor dispute is a miner problem where no one wants to get the shaft.

 

Laborious Puns #22

The Bright Lights of Fame

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82855391bQuotable Quotes 001

 

Emily Dickinson

“I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there ’s a pair of us—don’t tell!
They ’d banish us, you know. How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!”

Emily Dickinson, The Complete Poems

 

1.

The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

2. An electrician is a bright spark who knows what’s watt.
3. The sun was bright on a dry, cloudless morning, but later it waned.
4. Those who study the moon are optimists. They look at the bright side.
5. The brightest day of the week is Sun-day

 

1.

A Hall of Fame recently opened to honor outstanding female soldiers. It was a WAC’s Museum.

2. Derringer had one shot at fame.
3. Dorothy’s dog, of the Wizard of Oz fame, always eats his food entirely – he never leaves any scraps because it’s in toto.
4. Gladys the seamstress was recently inducted into the Pin Pushers Hall of Fame. I guess now she is a status thimble.
5. A hairdresser for a movie star had a brush with fame.

 

The Bright Lights of Fame

Every Problem May be a Punny One (#21)

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Quotes - WIF Style 001

 

 

 

Dalai Lama XIV

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
Dalai Lama XIV
Anthony Robbins

“Every problem is a gift – without problems we would not grow.”
Anthony Robbins

 

Bertrand Russell

“The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”
Bertrand Russell
Robert Frost

“The best way out is always through.”
Robert Frost

Punny Problems #21

Punny Problems #21

Not being able to iron out all of his problems made the dry cleaner very depressed.
After his computer problems he decided on a Crash course in security.

1) To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

2) If your only tool is a hammer then every problem looks like a nail.

3) Give a young boy a hammer, and he will treat everything as a nail.

hammer08

Every Problem May be a Punny One (#21)

Home-spun Puns #20

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Home-spun Puns

 

 

Jack sold a cow for some beans, came home to his mother, and spilled the beans.

 

 

 

 

 

A homeless person joining in a riot can basically be heard as a vague rant.

 

Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed.

 

Since I went to work in the plumbing department of the home center, I have developed a multi-fauceted personality disorder.

 

The chickens were distraught when the tornado destroyed their home. Hopefully they will be able to recoup.

 

 

 

The home for rich squirrels is The Nutcracker Suite.

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately, no one won the lemon eating contest. They all went home with a sour-taste in their mouth.

 

A gardener who moved back to his home town rediscovered his roots.

 

 

An ancient Greek shoemaker ran home when there was an earthquake only to discover he had fallen arches.

 

 

 

 

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Home-spun Puns

Familial Puns #19

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#19
#19

 

 

When a new baby comes into a family, many changes are necessary.

Poor blood circulation runs through the family.

 

When I had my PlayStation stolen, my family were there to console me.

 

The family elders have relative importance.

 

family joker is jest having fun with his “elations”.

 

 

 

 

A family went to watch a 007 movie at the theatre, it was a bonding experience.

 

 

 

 

 

“You can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.

Familial Puns #19

Puns DRIVING Humor #18

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#12 Punny Money

#18 Auto Puns

 

Why did the car cross the river with the boat? It was a ford escort.

Driving on so many turnpikes was taking its toll.

The state police highway officer worked tirelessly in the heavy rain to assist a lady whose car was stuck in a ditch. He was a real trooper.

When driving lawyers have to watch out for the sharp attorneys.

He kept an alarm clock in the back window of his car. He was always ahead of his time.

When driving Mickey Mouse sings cartunes.

My boyfriend and I started to date after he backed his car into mine. We met by accident.

My dog failed his driving test, he can’t parallel bark.

A hermit drove to town and was charged with recluse driving.

Puns DRIVE Humor #18