Definition of a loser: Danny Bagman (dbag21)

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Definition of a Loser

WIF Production-001

Research for “ESCAPE FROM LOSERVILLE; HOPE FOR THE HOPELESS”

los·er [lzər]

(plural los·ers)

n
1. somebody who has not won: a person or team that has failed to win a specific contest
2. somebody put at disadvantage: a person or thing adversely affected by a situation or course of action

  • If this measure goes through, the real losers will be college-leavers.
3. somebody unsuccessful or unlucky: an unsuccessful or unlucky person who seems destined to fail repeatedly (informal insult)
4. social misfit: a socially maladjusted person (informal insult)

What if I told you that our beloved Danny Bagman was all of the above? Do not think badly of him. He may be the product of unfortunate parentage. Here is what I found out:

Father: Daniel Ichthyas Bagman Jr.(Fourfingers).

Cornflake press operator for Kellogg Company, Iowa USA. Lost his right index finger while trying to prevent a grasshopper from being a part of someone’s breakfast. President of the local SMARTASS CLUB and charter member of FARMALL TRACTOR RESTORATION SOCIETY.

Mother: Mildred (Milhouse) Bagman.

Quality Control for the Cornflake Division of Kellogg Company. Famous for making the 1st Cornelius (mascot) costume. Found  the cereal box that contained her future husband Daniel’s finger. Secretary for SMARTASS CLUB  OF AMERICA LOCAL #149. Two-cycle engine expert for the FARMALL TRACTOR RESTORATION SOCIETY.

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