Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #321

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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #321

Chapter Nineteen

Trials and Triumph

…Does she or doesn’t she…

Does she or doesn’t she?” Bob Ford knows the answer to that question, posed by advertisers for Miss Clairol, but he best not spill the truth about the color of his wife’s hair.

“I think that the visual medium of television is a bit too nosey for my taste.” Lyn Hanes-Ford laments about the potential invasion of privacy.

“But only your hair dresser knows for sure!” The wily fly-boy is watching way too much television now that he is semi-retired. “You know, your hair was darker when I first met you.”

Carolyn’s steely blue eyes are focused on her husband’s direction, her attention drawn away from the banging of artful keystrokes, those recounting Bob’s former heroics. She muses, “Let’s see, didn’t you typewriterget your crew lost over the Arabian Sea, nearly running out of fuel?”

Ford does not remember it that way and why is she tinkering with the story of the Pacific Clipper. “Hey sweetie, you know that we were flying by the seat of our pants and I thought you finished that account last year.”

Lyn fluffs her shoulder length blond locks. “I just had a bunch of notes on paper, no structured text, when I started “The Day”. Now I have time to tell the whole story… that was an amazing experience, Bob!”

“Okay, you were a blond when I met you.”

“I thought you would see it my way…”

In the midst of this playful banter, the telephone rings. It has its origins from a Florida exchange, as suggested by the type of ring.

          “I’ll get it!” she is hoping it is the call she has been waiting for. “Hello?”

          “Miss Hanes, is that you? This is a voice from your past.”

          “It is Mrs. Ford now, Joe Slater. How are you?”


Alpha Omega M.D.

Episode #321


page 301

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 240

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 240

…“I don’t know how NBC is explaining the broadcast interruption…..do you Sam?”…

“I don’t know how NBC is explaining the broadcast interruption… do you Sam?”

“Yeah their telephone banks were lit up, but operators were told to tell them that it was related to the electrical blackout, which technically it was. But I was told that they were back on the air for your explanation and altar call, Billy.”

“If that is the case, then untold millions heard the truth from my lips.”

“I also heard that the main sponsor, LUCKY STRIKE, was quite pleased with the viewer numbers.”

“A tobacco company for a sponsor, isn’t that ironic? Well God can help you or any other believers ditch that nasty habit Sam.”

“I smoke menthol Billy; they say it is better for you.”

“I see actors and actress smoking them in movies all the time, so someone thinks it’s cool. But YOU know better than to blow smoke my way!” Graham errs on the side of caution when it comes to vises. “Speaking of habits, did ancient peoples smoke cigarettes, Willard?”

“I am not an anthropologist Reverend Graham, but ancients were more concerned about their next meal, let alone acquiring a senseless habit. As we, well me anyway, have learned, that Devil will do anything to keep us slaves to something, anything, even believing that our species started out as sea creatures, then fins into legs to walk on land, then two legs get longer, we grow hair and stand upright, hang around in trees and finally decide to get smarter than apes and invent things; like cigarettes.”

“Now if that isn’t the case for creation! A nonsensical progression like that makes a good preacher proud.

“I never used to pigeonhole life on this planet, really care much or give it a label, but after discovering that 20,000 year cap, intelligent design is the only reasonable explanation for it.”


Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 202

New Stuff – Don’t Blink and They’re So Yesterday

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Tech Items

You Need To

Know About

We often check out sci-fi movies and books for ideas on what future tech could look like – anything from Marty McFly’s hoverboard to Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber – but what we don’t realize is that there are so many amazing gadgets and gizmos already around us. Every year, genius minds come up with fantastic ideas that have the potential to be game-changers. Sure, some ideas may fall flat, but for every weird and wacky item, there is a genuinely cool piece of technology that we humans could be using for many years into the future. Let’s take a look at 10 items that seem from the year 3017, but are actually coming very soon or available now.

10. PowerRay underwater drone by PowerVision

Sure, drones can record incredible footage from the sky, but what if you want to explore another vast and open area: the ocean. That’s why the Powerway underwater drone looks to be hugely popular, as it will be able to be controlled underwater to depths of 98 feet (30 meters). The little submarine-esque item can record 4K video and stream it to your phone, which is not only fascinating to the average seagoer, but also useful for fishermen. A sonar function is available which can apparently detect fish from up to 131 feet away (40 meters) and baits them with the help of a blue light. This makes us think that fishing doesn’t sound so hard after all!

9. Spectacles by Snap Inc.

Snapchat is already one of the most popular apps in the world, and now the company behind it all, Snap Inc., has now released their very own physical product: Spectacles. These record 10-second clips at the press of a button, which can then be uploaded to your Snapchat account. These sound useful, as you can have your phone in your pocket but still be able to record things from your POV, and they are stylish enough to be worn outside (unlike Google Glasses, RIP). However, there has been some discussion about privacy concerns regarding the Spectacles, as the thought that someone could be taking a video without your knowledge or approval is a real issue among people today.

8. Smart bikes by LeEco

LeEco has created smart bikes that contain some very useful improvements to your regular bike. There is a 4-inch touchscreen attached to the frame, which can provide you with on-screen directions and riding stats, as well as a compass, speedometer and barometer. There’s also some lasers attached to the handlebars, which create a virtual lane in front of you, which is kind of cool. There will be two types available for LeEco’s smart bikes: a road version and an all-terrain version. What’s great is that the smart bike doesn’t look so much different from the bikes of today, thereby reducing the risk of theft as it’s not over-the-top and ostentatious.

7. 360 smart bed by Sleep Number

This is perhaps the most high-tech bed on the market. The 360 smart bed is said to adjust to your ideal level of firmness and support, as you can control all settings relating to comfort. What’s really fun is that if the bed senses you snoring, it will gently raise the head section to (hopefully) prevent it for the rest of the night. Sleep Number’s bed can also warm your feet, which is said to help induce sleep much faster. In the morning, you’ll get sleep statistics sent to your phone, which means getting good sleep is now training of sorts.

6. The Core by Norton

The Core is not only a modern router for the home, but also a very stylish and futuristic-looking item – exactly what we want! But it’s more than a pretty sight, as the router contains security features that are said to prevent hackers, malware, and viruses from ever getting into any item with an Internet connection. As we have smartphones, laptops, tablets, and even fridges connected to the web, this is a big advantage in a world where cybercrime is a prevalent threat.

5. U connected shower system by Moen

This is something we’re really excited about, as getting the perfect shower temperature every morning seems to take way longer than we’d like. From your smartphone, you’ll be able to pre-heat the water temperature before you even get in, as well as setting a time limit to turn off the shower so you don’t spend ages in there and end up late for work (easy to do on a Monday morning). This device could also help in drought areas, as there’s no need to waste water as you wait for the perfect temperature – it happens instantly.

4. Moxi stroller and phone charger by 4moms

Everyone loves to get two things done at once, so that’s why 4moms made the moxi. The stroller doesn’t just get your child from A to B, but can charge your phone whilst doing so. Using kinetic energy, you can ditch regular old electricity to keep your phone from running low. There are additional great features of the stroller too, like an LCD dashboard that shows various data, headlights and taillights, and a fully adjustable seat and handlebars.

3. Pop instaprint camera by Polaroid

Not a company to dwell in the past, Polaroid has gone full 21st century by creating their Pop instaprint camera. Able to print 3″ x 4″ prints on-the-go, the camera gives you those instant memories but in a much more modern and sleeker design. The Pop from Polaroid can also shoot 1080p HD videos, making it the ultimate party or travel item. The notion of printing out photos has died somewhat, as most of our pictures tend to stay on our phones or computers, but the Pop camera bridges the gap between digital image and handheld phone.

2. Touchscreen by Tanvas

Have you ever wanted to feel what the material is like of a shirt when shopping online? Well, Tanvas can make that possible with their touchscreen technology. Tanvas has partnered with apparel company Bonobos, so you can know how smooth or rough those pants are before purchasing. It remains to be seen about what other applications this technology from Tanvas can be used for, but for the meantime, this could be very useful for online shoppers who want to go that extra mile.

1. Kitchen assistant by Hello Egg

Move over Alexa, there’s a new voice-operated home gizmo in town. Hello Egg’s device is specifically made for the kitchen, where it will assist you in planning meal ideas for the week, as well as keeping your shopping list organized and shouting out instructions for when you eventually start cooking. We really love this idea, as it can be often confusing to cook a new meal with only written instructions, but thankfully Hello Egg’s assistant has the option to show videos too, in addition to voice directions. No more burnt meals!


New Stuff –

Don’t Blink and They’re So Yesterday

Unusual Pirated Products – WIF Consumer Corner

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5 Unusual

Pirated Products

As a wise man once said, piracy is often a pricing issue, not a servicing issue. In short, people pirate things not because they don’t want to pay for them, but because the legal avenue to obtain them is unnecessarily obtuse or customer unfriendly. With that in mind, here are five amusing stories about lesser known, but oddly popular items that have found themselves being pirated over the last few years.

 5. The Green Lantern movie was searched for more in 2011 than “porn”

If there’s one thing it’s not hard to find on the internet, it’s images and video of people doing the horizontal hug. Pornography is ubiquitous online and remains one of the internet’s most traded and oft-pirated forms of media… except for in 2011, when more people wanted to watch that terrible live-action Green Lantern movie.

To explain, according to collated list of the 100 most searched for terms on a popular torrent site throughout all of 2011, more users searched the words “green lantern” that year than they did the word “porn”. Along with apparently being more popular than the most generic search term to find pictures of boobs online we can think of, “green lantern” was sought out by pirates more often than even objectively better content that came out that same year, like Captain America: The First Avenger or Breaking Bad. Then again, maybe the reason pirates torrented the Green Lantern movies so much is because they didn’t feel it was worth paying for it. Hell, we wouldn’t blame them, we paid to see that movie and wish we could have that money back every time we don’t have enough change to buy a soda.

4. The most commonly pirated eBooks are about being better at sex, Photoshop, and math

Thanks to the rise of electronic reading devices like the Kindle, it’s possible to download and, perhaps more pertinently to this article, pirate your favorite books. Meaning that yes, we live in an age where it’s possible to illegally download 18,000 copies of the Bible if you really felt like it.

Like most things online, sites on which it’s possible to illegally download eBooks meticulously track what users are doing and the results are actually kind of fascinating. For example, in 2011 it was found that the 10 most torrented ebooks by users of the PirateBay included two books about using Photoshop, and three books detailing how to be better at sex, neither of which seems all that surprising at first. However, inexplicably sandwiched between both these things on the list is a book titled 101 Short Cuts in Maths Anyone Can Do. A book that, as far as we can tell, detailed neither how to blow a woman’s mind in bed or better use radial gradients. Meaning maybe, just maybe, it was torrented purely for the benefit of learning something interesting, but ultimately useless in real life. Speaking of which…

3. People love pirating college textbooks

There are hundreds of horror stories about the ever rising cost of college textbooks floating around the internet, from students having to pay hundreds of dollars to buy a book their professor wrote, to textbooks being reprinted every year just to force students to buy them again. Most sources are in agreement that college textbooks simply cost too much, but few offer a solution to the problem. Or, should we say, few offer a legal solution to the problem… because many students have found that pirating a textbook they’re going to use for one class is a preferable alternative to eating nothing but ramen for a semester.

Along with uploading PDFs of popular course books, more enterprising students have skirted around the soaring price of college reading material by doing things like pooling their cash buy a single copy and photocopying every page. To make this fact even more hilarious, the Washington Post has found that some students have even been found pirating textbooks for ethics classes. Meaning there’s a student out there somewhere writing an essay about the ethics of digital piracy, while referencing a pirated copy of their course textbook. The only way to make submitting that essay a bigger slap in the face for the professor would be to position the printer over their sleeping face, and replace the paper in it with slices of wet ham.

2. Pirated cable boxes offer better service than actual cable companies

Online streaming services have been collectively kicking the cable industry in its aging, greying sack for a while now, and for the most part cable companies have done nothing to try and compete with the superior service they provide. For example, a common complaint about cable companies is that they refuse to offer a la carte programming (basically the option to pick and pay for only one or two channels), and have repeatedly insisted that this isn’t possible. Which is weird, because the people pirating their service can do exactly that.

Yes, there are unscrupulous folks out there who will sell you a pirated cable box or Android device with any channel you want unlocked. The difference being that, unlike cable companies (who will slap on a bunch of stuff you don’t want and charge you $80 dollars every month for the privilege), the people those same cable companies call thieves, will charge you once and only give you exactly what you feel is worth paying for, with regard to channels. For example, in Canada some people were caught buying a one for a one off fee of about $100, purely so that they could watch Game of Thrones on HBO, a move that saw HBO send pissy letters to customers reminding them that “it’s never been easier to legally watch HBO shows in Canada.” A sentence that’s technically correct, if you’re willing to pay about $100 per month for a top tier cable package. In other words, the pirates are offering customers a better deal than cable companies, and the reaction from those companies is to do absolutely nothing to make their service better.

1. Keurig has spent years having an amazing pissing match about their coffee maker

Keurig is a company best known for making single cup coffee machines that use those weird little pods. They’re also known for being huge, whiney babies about people who don’t specifically use their coffee pods. The company maintains that only official Keurig brand coffee pods should be used with their machines, despite most generic coffee pods working just fine.

Keurig, rather than trying to compete with these rival companies by offering a better selection of products, lowering their prices, or producing higher quality coffee, have opted to instead design ever more sophisticated machines that refuse to accept anything but official Keurig pods. Keurig is so gung-ho about this that they released a new machine that didn’t even work with old Keurig podsleading to a massive public outcry when customers who bought one realized they had to buy the newer, more expensive pods compatible with the machine. An endeavor that proved to be ultimately fruitless, because every time Keurig does this, generic brand coffee pod makers always find a way to circumvent it either by pirating the technology in the pods or figuring out how to mimic it. Still, it’s kind of nice to know that right now, there’s a company getting rich selling pirated pods of coffee. If only because that sentence sounds hilarious.


Unusual Pirated Products

wif-consumer-corner-001

WIF Consumer Corner

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 126

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 126

…“No, my mom was a big fan of that newest cleanser at the time, AJAX…

“And how about that girl of yours, she has been a real treat!” Willard Libby is a big fan.

“Like cotton candy in a cavity,” Ace attempts to head off her reaction to the scientist’s use of a possessive pronoun.

Too late, “I belong to no one, certainly not to someone who pretends I don’t exist for years at a time and then compares me to tooth decay.”

“Hey kids, it is my fault for making a false assumption,” intellectually speaking, “but I would be thrilled for you Connie, if it were true.”

She softens her knee-jerk reaction, “Ace and I have had some good times.”

“Then let’s raise a toast to more good times,” the sound of clinking glasses to the brim with Italian Nebbiolo fills the university basement hideaway.

“To good times,” Martin, Constance and Ace respond in unison. The newcomer is blending in quite well; the men are taken by his dynamic presence.

“Ace: That is quite a name. Is that your given name?” helplessly inquiring minds need to know.

“No my mother named me Ajax Aidan Bannion. Can you blame me for changing it?”

“Did she name you after the muscular mythical hero of the Trojan war?” educated people ask smart questions.

“No, mom was a big fan of that new cleaner AJAX.” He was kidding.

“STRONGER THAN DIRT!!!!!!” Constance makes an arm muscle, while singing the familiar advertising slogan. “Hey buddy, you really did need another syllable anyway; ‘Ajax Bannion, he can clean up the mess you make’.”

“Boy, I am going to regret letting that cat out of the bag,” he takes it like a man. “But can we not use that name in public?”

“Sure, but if you’re late for dinner I’m going to say, ‘Ajax Aidan Bannion, you better stop what you are doing and come inside’.”

His secret is safe… maybe.


 Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 111

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 34

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 34

…“Looks like you made a friend, Fanny?” who is giving her the “he’s married” look…

“It looks like we’re close to home.” Martin is relieved that Eddie has gotten them back in one piece..

 “Don’t forget, the walls have ears,” warns Constance.

 Kimbark 6137But before they can re-enter those 50 year old plaster partitions, they spy 2 some-ones sitting on the front stairs, who were hoping upon hope that William would show his elusive self and let them in out of the late-day chill.

 “Should I drive around to the alley?” Eddie asks.

 Constance jumps out of the stationary vehicle, a half block from the front door.

“Fanny!!!!!!!!!” She blasts past the person sitting next to her to apply a world-class hugs to a once lost partner. None of them expected such a swift conclusion to Fanny’s abduction. She Schneiderdoes acknowledge the stranger seated beside her, “And this would be?”

“Frank Herman. I do long hauls for Schneider Trucking, out of Wisconsin.” He extends his hand in friendship and does so in parting, “You’re safe now Miss Fanny, I’ll be on my way.”

“He gave me a ride back,” simply put. She points out at 61st Street and the big orange truck too large to come down Kimbark.

“Thank you Frank Herman. I guess Fanny will fill the blanks, but I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was not expecting to see that one for… a while,” she stops short of saying forever. “Can I give you something for your efforts?”

“I have your address in Tallahassee. I’ll stop by the next time I get down that way.”

“I’m sure Fanny will make up some of her famous fried chicken for you.”

“I’m counting on it.” The modest hero moves on down the road.

“Looks like you made a friend, Fanny?” who is giving her the “he’s married” look.

Eddie's Cousins-001Eddie, for his part, escorts his road warrior brother back out to his truck, “My cousin Jimmy (cousin #3) drives a White Freightliner, part of the million mile club, but he drives forth and back to New York twice a week, has to go through Ohio. Do you drive in Ohio? Make sure you watch out for the speed traps… well any way he……”


Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 33

The NULL Solution = Episode 152

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The NULL Solution = Episode 152

…Hold on there slim, we have a lot of catching up to do…

Star Trek transporter?” Sampson McKinney is an expert when it comes to obscure cultural references. That is a barrier for quality communication.

“Let me explain: I am here to discuss the Ÿ€Ð leviathan, ⃝    , Harmonia…”

Hold on there slim! We have a lot of catching up to do. I will zap over the coordinates to my Eupepsia location right now.” Sampson’s numbers contain an erroneous decimal shift. “See you in a few.”

He waits patiently for the Seljuk leader. He waits still. “I guess there are some wrinkles.”

Chasonn is still getting re-used to having his molecules scrambled. The results can be confusing.

Deimostra is startled when a complete strange off-worlder rudely reassembles in her living quarters, which are a decimal point above Sam’s Expository position.

Chasonn’s initial assemblage on Eridanus is not what he was expecting. This clearly is not Sampson McKinney. This is a female possessing similar facial features, but she is definitely a she.

He freezes in place.

Instead of panic, he encounters calm. Not much surprises her these days.

“Hello, you don’t have to be afraid.” If he had appeared two minutes sooner, he would have gotten an eyeful. “My name is Deimostra.”

The accidental visitor takes one step forward with his hands raised. “I am Chasonn of Seljuk. I was expecting to see Sammy Mac.”

“That would be my Dad.”

He does not know what to say other than, “You resemble him.”

“So Chasonn uses a Star Trek transporter to get around.”

Cultural nuances can be a barrier to accurate communication. She gets that from her father.

“I utilize particle-beam technology. I am in the early stages of testing.”

“Or Sammy Mac fed you bad info… bad in, bad out. Daddy missed by one floor. I will take you down to him.”

“Please excuse my intrusion.”

“No problem sir,” her response is formal, but her hormonal radar, which has been up and running for Skaldic, reboots with the appearance of yet another attractive alien. Let it be known, not every alien male catches her eye. This must be her lucky cycle. They locate Sammy Mac’s proper position…

… So my lovely daughter has met my Selljunk friend!”

“He is not a traveling junk salesman… at least I don’t think so?”

“No you silly girl, Selljunk is one star cluster over sweetie; that’s where Mom, Deke and me went, using that kick-ass TSF in the Defender. Chasonn here is a primo inventor too. He sent some cool weapons and molecular stuff over to Earth.” Sam is ready to show Chasonn around. “Let me take you over to my son Deke. He and Cerella made a child since we were over in your galaxy. Oh, and then there is my pal Skaldy, he’s a hoot!”

“And I am chopped liver.” A young girl’s fancy is fragile.

Chasonn does not bolt directly. He bows with the formality afforded royalty, “My hope is that we will meet again under better circumstances.” He is speaking the universal language of respect.


The NULL Solution =

Episode 152


page 150