Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 170

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 170

 …When a covert operation goes awry, you have no idea what may be coming down the pike…

The FBI guy recounts, “I am looking at a list of fatalities and it is scary:

Characters CC-FM-001>Ernesto Pacelli, the Pope’s Brother – we’re going straight to hell.

>Two Mastadon stooges – hey, good stooges are hard to find.

>Vincent Wolfgram, Mastadon field supervisor? Struck by lightning – now that’s original.

>Bart Simpson, the McGraw-Hill publisher who was really a nice guy.

>Martin Kamen, a colleague of Libby’s, incinerated at Argonne – Illinois is lucky the fire didn’t spread to the nukes!

>Jesse James Daniels, a CIA agent… What in the Sam-hell is the goshddamed OSS doing anywhere nears our business? And now you make a casual mention of Libby being dead. Shouldn’t that have been the end of things right then and there? Every single interested party in this case is dead.”

“We did not count on this private investigator from Florida sticking around. She was hired  to help locate Libby, after he went missing.”

“She… as in a woman?” The Deputy Attorney General makes a solid guess.

“Yes, Constance Caraway.”

“Wait, err, just a minute… is that the same broad who nailed that Nazi double agent sniffing around the atomic bomb? Please don’t tell me we hired her, she’s too much a straight shooter and loopy partner of hers…”

“No, Kamen did and that’s what we can’t figure out, even with Kamen out of the picture, she is still bird-dogging the case,” Conroy is baffled. “In fact she mustered the entire CPD and they called in the Illinois National Guard to shake down that Greenwood house.”

“I thought we had the CPD in our pockets.”

“We do, but they were never briefed on what we’re doing regarding Mastadon, or even that we’ve owned 5046 for years.”

“Then why don’t we haul the bitch in and stash her where the sun doesn’t shine.”

“Not only does she have her agency partner involved, but a flyboy boyfriend and some hick lawyer from Florida.”

“Oh swell and can you throw in Mother Teresa?”

“No, Billy Graham.”

“Jesus, this is all I need, McGrath is going to have my head!” Deputy Malone answers to a superior, the Attorney General of the United States. “You tell our Mr. Winters that he should get busy on some of these targets, he missing the mark.”

When a covert operation goes awry, you have no idea what may be coming down the pike.


Constance Caraway P.I.

Awry

Forever Mastadon


page 145

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 168

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 168

…Don’t give me that sources crap, sonny, tell us who tipped you off and I’ll give you the real story…

All lighting is trained on the house, 360 degrees and forever, but nothing happens immediately. The hibernating bats don’t like it and scatter into the dawning day, as do any ghostly Greenwood-001apparitions from the house’s scary past.

The climax comes when the roof splits open and a fiery shaft shoots up into the dawning sky… and then it is gone, like it was never there.

“Turn off all the lights,” Daniels orders.

He and Constance hop out of the National Guard vehicle to take a closer look at the house. They are met by a young reporter carrying a camera and a notebook, “My name is John Krass from the Chicago Tribune and I cannot believe what I just saw. Can you explain that red light shooting out from the roof?”

In his peripheral view of the bewildering scene, Daniels sees L. Dick Cannon stumble out of the house in his pajamas. He sets out to corner him before he has time to collect his fragile wits, hoping he can make sense of the connection between Penty and this Science Fiction nutcase.

John Krass – Chicago Tribune

Meanwhile, Connie corners Krass. “Tell us how you found out about this operation and maybe we will give you a story that is fit to print,” Constance barters.

“I have my ways,” young Krass explains.

She has heard that before, from Daniels, “Don’t give me that sources crap, sonny. Tell us who tipped you off and I’ll give you some facts from which you can fashion some sort of factual story, instead of the horror tale that you are going to write.”

“I have a ‘guy’ in the 2nd District who tipped me off. He dished that something big was going to go down here this morning. Boysources did it ever!”

“Okay, I guess it doesn’t matter now…” she ditches the exact factual facts and goes on to tell the unsuspecting lad that they are  ghost hunters, hired to drive out spirits and demons at 5046, blah-blah-blah. He can get the real dirt from somebody else, which is advisable if he has a future as a reporter.

“Cool!” There is one born every minute.

Whether it is a newspaper legend like William Randolph Hearst or a cub reporter like John Krass who is looking for his big break; both want to put things down in black and white, in order for it to be read all over.


Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 143 (end Ch. 14)

 

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 165

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 165

…If we can handle political conventions and all those crazies, I think we can handle one house…

“What can you tell us about the organization called Forever Mastadon?” asks the higher ranked flatfoot, the very first law enforcement hereabout to ever/even admit to wondering what has been going for months in the greater Chicagoland area.

Constance steps into the interrogation, FM is the group behind the abduction of Willard Libby, a scientist affiliated with the U of C. not to mention all the other crap they have pulled on anyone connected to the poor man. They have an agenda, one where he keeps his research to himself.”

“Do you have an address for these people; somewhere we can put a stop to this?”

Greenwood 5046

5046 South Greenwood

“Yeah, 5046 South Greenwood, that would be a good place to start, at this point Constance would not mind having a 2,000 man police force pitch in on this battle, “but if you go there, I’d make sure you have enough men. You will not believe what you’re up against — we do, though being able to explain it to you in advance is hard. You should form your own opinions.”

“Say, aren’t you the broad who shot those two guys on the North side? It was the talk of the department.”

That was me, yes. I took out the two guys who kidnapped Fanny two months ago, then Edie a month back,” her mea culpa comes without remorse. “Don’t you sense a trend going on here? Two rooms of this hospital hold repeat victims of these creeps.”

“Would you be willing to lead a team of tactical officers on a sweep of that Greenwood address?”

“Would I? Hell, I am ready to put another hurt on that bastard.”

“Another? You talk like you have a history with their leader.”

“Yeah, you could say he’s one hell of a handful. If you would let me, I’d like to bring in Agent Daniels-001an expert, he’s with the CIA. He possesses a particular set of unique skills, been on this case longer than me and Fanny.”

“If you can get him here by tomorrow, you have a deal.”

“You can find me at these numbers, telephone and street over on the university campus.” Connie was born to the big time. “One unmarked comes and gets get us before dawn, but I want you to understand one thing… we — Agent Daniels and me are going to be in charge of the operation.”

“I’ll have all the men in our district on the scene, riot gear, gas masks, blast shields, the whole shot. If we can handle political conventions and all those crazies, I think we can handle one house.

Famous last words?


Constance Caraway P.I.

FM Biz-001

Forever Mastadon


page 141

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 164

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 164

…Constance’s spring fling with Ace has set some big picture issues in motion…

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“What kind of cops are you? Did you find a homeless guy to stuff behind the wheel?” Constance is irate and rightfully so.

“I want you to bring the ER doctors in to corroborate Miss Renwick’s story,” Attorney Moore insists.

“Their shift is over.”

Fanny speaks up, “There were two other witnesses, right Connie?”

“There were and we can bring them back if you need, so back off.”

The two harsh detectives mumble to each other and step out into the hall. After some back and forth between Moore, Constance, Fanny and Edie, and the passage of 15 minutes, they go out and check on the cops.

“They’re gone. What the hell is going on?”

On the floor outside room 314 there is a crumpled business card. Worth Moore picks it up. “What kind of enterprise is Forever Mastadon… a wooly mammoth? I never heard such a ridiculous name.”

“If you are going to join in on the fun Worth, have Fanny catch you up on all the dirty details.” Constance can see something is cooking with those two and deep down inside she is alright with it. Her spring fling with Ace has set some big picture issues in motion. “I am going over to the local police district to get the skinny on those phony cops.”

This time it is a nurse popping her head into room 314 to announce, “There are two policemen here to take down your statement Miss Renwick.”Image result for revolving door gif

“What is this, a revolving door? Check their badges Worth,” Constance is losing her patience for the treatment of the patients here.

“They are legit Connie. Go ahead officers.”

In the course of the short interview the police reveal that the car Fanny stopped in its tracks was stolen and the story about no driver, well that one they can’t explain.

“What can you tell us about the organization called Forever Mastadon,” asks the higher ranked flatfoot.


Constance Caraway P.I.

Witnesses

Forever Mastadon


page 140

Unusual Pirated Products – WIF Consumer Corner

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5 Unusual

Pirated Products

As a wise man once said, piracy is often a pricing issue, not a servicing issue. In short, people pirate things not because they don’t want to pay for them, but because the legal avenue to obtain them is unnecessarily obtuse or customer unfriendly. With that in mind, here are five amusing stories about lesser known, but oddly popular items that have found themselves being pirated over the last few years.

 5. The Green Lantern movie was searched for more in 2011 than “porn”

If there’s one thing it’s not hard to find on the internet, it’s images and video of people doing the horizontal hug. Pornography is ubiquitous online and remains one of the internet’s most traded and oft-pirated forms of media… except for in 2011, when more people wanted to watch that terrible live-action Green Lantern movie.

To explain, according to collated list of the 100 most searched for terms on a popular torrent site throughout all of 2011, more users searched the words “green lantern” that year than they did the word “porn”. Along with apparently being more popular than the most generic search term to find pictures of boobs online we can think of, “green lantern” was sought out by pirates more often than even objectively better content that came out that same year, like Captain America: The First Avenger or Breaking Bad. Then again, maybe the reason pirates torrented the Green Lantern movies so much is because they didn’t feel it was worth paying for it. Hell, we wouldn’t blame them, we paid to see that movie and wish we could have that money back every time we don’t have enough change to buy a soda.

4. The most commonly pirated eBooks are about being better at sex, Photoshop, and math

Thanks to the rise of electronic reading devices like the Kindle, it’s possible to download and, perhaps more pertinently to this article, pirate your favorite books. Meaning that yes, we live in an age where it’s possible to illegally download 18,000 copies of the Bible if you really felt like it.

Like most things online, sites on which it’s possible to illegally download eBooks meticulously track what users are doing and the results are actually kind of fascinating. For example, in 2011 it was found that the 10 most torrented ebooks by users of the PirateBay included two books about using Photoshop, and three books detailing how to be better at sex, neither of which seems all that surprising at first. However, inexplicably sandwiched between both these things on the list is a book titled 101 Short Cuts in Maths Anyone Can Do. A book that, as far as we can tell, detailed neither how to blow a woman’s mind in bed or better use radial gradients. Meaning maybe, just maybe, it was torrented purely for the benefit of learning something interesting, but ultimately useless in real life. Speaking of which…

3. People love pirating college textbooks

There are hundreds of horror stories about the ever rising cost of college textbooks floating around the internet, from students having to pay hundreds of dollars to buy a book their professor wrote, to textbooks being reprinted every year just to force students to buy them again. Most sources are in agreement that college textbooks simply cost too much, but few offer a solution to the problem. Or, should we say, few offer a legal solution to the problem… because many students have found that pirating a textbook they’re going to use for one class is a preferable alternative to eating nothing but ramen for a semester.

Along with uploading PDFs of popular course books, more enterprising students have skirted around the soaring price of college reading material by doing things like pooling their cash buy a single copy and photocopying every page. To make this fact even more hilarious, the Washington Post has found that some students have even been found pirating textbooks for ethics classes. Meaning there’s a student out there somewhere writing an essay about the ethics of digital piracy, while referencing a pirated copy of their course textbook. The only way to make submitting that essay a bigger slap in the face for the professor would be to position the printer over their sleeping face, and replace the paper in it with slices of wet ham.

2. Pirated cable boxes offer better service than actual cable companies

Online streaming services have been collectively kicking the cable industry in its aging, greying sack for a while now, and for the most part cable companies have done nothing to try and compete with the superior service they provide. For example, a common complaint about cable companies is that they refuse to offer a la carte programming (basically the option to pick and pay for only one or two channels), and have repeatedly insisted that this isn’t possible. Which is weird, because the people pirating their service can do exactly that.

Yes, there are unscrupulous folks out there who will sell you a pirated cable box or Android device with any channel you want unlocked. The difference being that, unlike cable companies (who will slap on a bunch of stuff you don’t want and charge you $80 dollars every month for the privilege), the people those same cable companies call thieves, will charge you once and only give you exactly what you feel is worth paying for, with regard to channels. For example, in Canada some people were caught buying a one for a one off fee of about $100, purely so that they could watch Game of Thrones on HBO, a move that saw HBO send pissy letters to customers reminding them that “it’s never been easier to legally watch HBO shows in Canada.” A sentence that’s technically correct, if you’re willing to pay about $100 per month for a top tier cable package. In other words, the pirates are offering customers a better deal than cable companies, and the reaction from those companies is to do absolutely nothing to make their service better.

1. Keurig has spent years having an amazing pissing match about their coffee maker

Keurig is a company best known for making single cup coffee machines that use those weird little pods. They’re also known for being huge, whiney babies about people who don’t specifically use their coffee pods. The company maintains that only official Keurig brand coffee pods should be used with their machines, despite most generic coffee pods working just fine.

Keurig, rather than trying to compete with these rival companies by offering a better selection of products, lowering their prices, or producing higher quality coffee, have opted to instead design ever more sophisticated machines that refuse to accept anything but official Keurig pods. Keurig is so gung-ho about this that they released a new machine that didn’t even work with old Keurig podsleading to a massive public outcry when customers who bought one realized they had to buy the newer, more expensive pods compatible with the machine. An endeavor that proved to be ultimately fruitless, because every time Keurig does this, generic brand coffee pod makers always find a way to circumvent it either by pirating the technology in the pods or figuring out how to mimic it. Still, it’s kind of nice to know that right now, there’s a company getting rich selling pirated pods of coffee. If only because that sentence sounds hilarious.


Unusual Pirated Products

wif-consumer-corner-001

WIF Consumer Corner

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 151

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 151

…How could such an imperfect creature like Eddie D. not jump at the chance of fame,fortune & immortality? It’s an insult to his craftiness…

Perfect is not the way these fine folks should be looking at things. There remains an interested party to certain things tied to the Libby Affair, which he can currently see or know. Pentateuch is a notoriously bad loser, even though he has an extended stay on Earth to his credit, rather than a permanent Lake of Fire address. Unlike the Divine One, who views a human lifetime as a blink of His eye, the Dark Deceiver treats every moment like it is his last. And that lightning bolt loss he suffered at Tolentine… he cannot let it go.

Even his dabbling in a phony bologna cult like The Church of Spiritual Engineering  does not loosen his grip on the satisfaction gained by getting even; a mere toy in the game of tripping up greater mankind, not just this current group of aggravating agitators.

Eddie Dombroski is a known quantity in this storyline, a significant player from Penty’s first contact with that pesky private eye from Florida’s panhandle, which by the way, is a favorite hangout of his oldest and wealthiest sinners. He has kept an evil eye on Dombroski, especially since Eddie turned down the opportunity to trade his eternal soul for a king’s life of fame and fortune. How could such an imperfect creature not jump at that chance? It’s an insult to his craftiness.

get_evenAs is Penty’s want, a daily check on this (f)ailing soul (Eddie) can only be a good thing, to his way of thinking. He might even have the chance to swoop in a snag that soul for the promise of one or ten more years of life. OR catch a whiff of who might still be in contact with the former chauffeur to the Libbyites.

Pondering Penty

Pondering Penty

He ponders, like demons ponder: ‘For one, Constance Caraway is a constant, like the proverbial pestilences of Egypt. She seems plagued by guilt, such a uniquely human emotion, though in this case, it has spawned another condition named, loyalty.

‘This Ace Bannion is a curious addition to this malevolent mix. And whatever happened to that empty-headed female twit of a sidekick? She was so fun to tweak, so predictable. But this Ace, a walking ego an two feet, is unpredictable with an historic heroic bent. He warrants my special concern.

‘And what of this Billy Graham? You must be kidding me! I thought he was going to just another flash in the pan, bible-stumping, do-gooder. What interest could he have with a dying commoner like Eddie? What is a national figure like him doing here?’

When things don’t add up, or when he can’t skew the numbers, it bothers him to no end.


Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 131

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 146

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 146

As the post-war world revolves on, the devil is doing what demons do and the struggles to overcome his influence go on…

Pentateuch (D. Joseph Winters) is unaware of how close he is to the Laboratory Schools and the basement hideaway of Martin Kamen and Willard Libby. If nothing else, the Dark Deceiver will transform this place into a Halloween favorite, if not the coldest place on the block.

He has summoned L. Dick Cannon to his new Chicago digs; he just won’t be getting the top-to-bottom house tour afforded to those who can stomach the Pet-Projecthellish undertones of Pentateuch. Cannon is his new pet project, the upright D. Joseph Winters perfecting the art of lies andL Dick Cannon-001 using this deluded human fanatic as a launching pad for more of his carnal crap.

“This is one grand house Mr. Winters,” Cannon gushes over an oversized fixer-upper.

“Yes it does have possibilities, just like you Mr. Cannon,” he is pushing this Church of Spiritual Engineering founder, as hard as he can without touching him, which usually does not end well. “I have arranged for a meeting with John Garfield. He has solid ties to Hollywood, but has been hounded by the House Committee  on Un-American Activities, of all things, is a ripe candidate for celebrity spokesman for your church and he is in Chicago trying to ditch the government’s efforts to defame his character.”

“Orson Wells would have been perfect,” L. Dick dreams aloud, “but he is just too much a smarty-pants for my liking. Let’s see if we can reel this one in!”

As the post-war world revolves on, the Devil is doing what demons do and the struggles to overcome his influence go on:

  • Constance Caraway and Fanny Renwick are drifting apart, in search of their individuality.
  • Ajax Aidan Bannion is (once again) flying headlong into a place he’s been before.
  • Pentateuch has lost sight of his real goal, now recruiting L. Dick Cannon, yet another earthbound accomplice.

To which there is but one conclusion:

  • You never know what you will find when you’re traveling down the primrose path???

Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 126 (end Ch. 12)