A Daily Blog (est. 10/2012) dedicated to quality writing, original content and a healthy dose of entertainment from "A Vagabond in God's Big Pond" Don't forget Wild Card Saturdays AND PUNS FOR INTELLIGENT PEOPLE will tickle your fancy. +++Plus +++ read my book Read about The Space Family McKinney at your own pace = THE RETURN TRIP concluding Mid-winter 2021 and The NULL Solution to follow in 2021. Episode Catalogs for all books in the "links" section: Constance Caraway ~ Forever Mastadon and Alpha Omega M.D. ***** If you have not viewed this blog on a PC, Laptop or Tablet, you don't know what you're missing.
…Xat has made himself a shadow-world, just on the other side of the next dimension…
Portal To Another Dimension by techngame
#What are you doing in my world#It seems that Xat has made himself a shadow-world, just on the other side of the next dimension. He waves his arms and suddenly there is his family… and those of his associates… frolicking in an Eridanus with crystal clear skies, no towers; without Gifted or Null.
#I require the knowledge of time-space-fold. My daughter is trapped at a distant star. We need her firstborn to bond with us#
#You and the other Gifted left us here, like a diseased colony. I have used my skills to create a parallel world. We prefer our dimension to yours#
#All we ask is the knowledge to restore Defender’s TSF technology#
#Such a fine ship she would have been#
#As it was until recently#
#To think we were vanquished to a hole in this planet because we knew too much#
#I could bring you back with us, me and The Keeper#
#Why would we give up all this# He is proud of his world, but he produces a thick pile of equations and schematics regardless.#Be aware that there is also an unquantified essence. You must summon that ancient discipline, # yet another art left behind. #We have no use for the Gifted. We live in a dimension without pain, rank or negativity. I will restore the grotto scene to you now. DO NOT RETURN#
Ekcello is unaccustomed to being told what to do.
#It would take a cosmic force to disable TSF#Xat would know.
#We suspect O is responsible#
#We know both O#
The dank cavern surrounds them once again. Xat returns to the world he created for himself.
Ekcello and the Keeper return to the surface. One problem solved, while others go unanswered.
#I wonder if Xat could solve the riddle#
#What riddle Supreme Elder? There are two O#
There are things even The Keeper has no knowledge of.
A while back, WIF comprised a top 10 list about America’s most beloved fictional family, the Simpsons. But since the list had only 10 entries, it didn’t even come close to doing them justice. After all, this is a show that’s been on TV for nearly 30 years. So, we’ve decided to make another one, telling you more about our yellow friends, their backstories, and some other facts you might have not known about them. We won’t bore you with a long and tedious introduction, so without any further ado, here are the Simpsons, and some stuff which…let’s say, isn’t described in the show itself.
10. Smithers’ “Coming Out” is Based on Real Life
There was no real surprise for anyone who’s a fan of the show that Smithers, Mr. Burns’ loyal assistant/yes-man/servant, is gay. But up until this year, the show never truly “said it out loud.” During the 17th episode of the 27th season, called “The Burns Cage,” the show officially gave its audience this particular confirmation. Mr. Smithers finally accepts the fact that the love he has for his boss will never be reciprocated, and Homer even helps him on his search for true love.
What’s less obvious and less known about this is that the writer of the episode, Rob LaZebnik, said the episode was inspired by his own gay son. When Johnny LaZebnik, a teenager, came out of the closet and admitted to his own sexual preferences in front of his family, his father was very accepting and loving. “I am a Midwestern guy, so I don’t tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve,” the elder LaZebnik told the New York Post. “But I thought, ‘What better way to tell my son I love him than to write a cartoon about it?’” His son had this to say about the matter: “The revelation that my father loves me is not much of a revelation, thankfully. He’s unbelievably accepting. We’re as close as a straight dad and a gay son could be.”
9. Lisa Can Predict the Super Bowl
There’s somewhat of an unspoken tradition within The Simpsons, started way back in 1992, where Lisa predicts the next champion of the Super Bowl in real life. It all started with “Lisa the Greek,” the 49th episode of the show, where Homer tricks his eldest daughter into helping him gamble on football. When she finds out, she makes a bet where the winner of the Super Bowl will be the Washington Redskins, if she is to love him, or the Buffalo Bills, if she doesn’t. When the show premiered, just before the Super Bowl, those two teams were actually squaring off in Super Bowl XXVI, and Washington won by 37-24.
Over the following three years, the producers made it a tradition to air the episode just before the Super Bowl and alter the dialogue to fit the two teams playing that year. According to the DVD commentary, Lisa accurately picked the winning team every single year.
8. Bart’s Prank Calls to Moe Really Happened
The more we delve into The Simpsons, the more we realize just how “real” the show is. Another fact based more on reality than anything else are the prank calls Bart makes to Moe’s bar, just so he can have a laugh at how its grumpy (psychotic?) owner reacts. These calls are loosely based on the Tube Bar prank calls which actually happened back in the ’70s. Two young men by the names of John Elmo and Jim Davidson came up with the idea one day while passing the Tube Bar in New Jersey, and noticed the owner, heavyweight boxer Louis “Red” Deutsch, beating one of his customers for not drinking fast enough.
Known for his easily-ruffled temper, the two boys would often call up his bar and ask Louis Deutsch if they could speak to a fictitiously named customer. These names were mostly pun-based, like “Pepe Roni” (pepperoni), “Al Coholic” (alcoholic), or a few…oh, let’s say, more “colorful” names starting with the first name Mike. Most of the time Deutsch would call out the names, but sometimes he would catch on and respond with extreme hostility, shouting mostly profanity, with obscene sexual references.
7. Bush Hoped Americans Wouldn’t Emulate the Simpsons
We are going to keep on trying to … make American families a lot more like the Waltons and a lot less like the Simpsons.” As a response, the show came out with a segment for the next season in which Bart said, “Hey, we’re just like the Waltons. We’re praying for an end to the Depression, too.” They also came out with a later episode in which the Bushes move to Springfield.
But this is not the only time the Bushes came into contact with the Simpsons. Back in 1990, two years before the President made his speech, his wife and first lady, Barbara Bush, was quoted in People magazine as saying The Simpsons was“the dumbest thing [she] had ever seen.” Not long after, she received a polite reply in the form of a letter from none other than Marge Simpson. This, in turn, was followed by Barbara Bush’s own apologetic reply. Unfortunately their communications stopped there and it’s quite safe to say that they didn’t become actual pen-pals.
6. Where is Springfield, Really?
Springfield is a fairly common town name throughout the US, so which one is it, actually? This question is somewhat difficult to answer and has been boggling people’s minds for a long while. In an interview, The Simpsons creator Matt Groening said, “I don’t want to ruin it for people, you know? Whenever people say it’s Springfield, Ohio, or Springfield, Massachusetts, or Springfield, wherever; I always go, ‘Yup, that’s right.’” This line of thinking makes us believe that Springfield is just a generic place that could easily fit anywhere within the US, as to be more easily relatable to its audience.
Nevertheless, we do know that Groening grew up on Evergreen Terrace (the same street as the Simpsons clan) in Portland, Oregon, and which is just 100 miles north of Springfield, Oregon. “Springfield was named after Springfield, Oregon. The only reason is that when I was a kid, the TV show Father Knows Best took place in the town of Springfield, and I was thrilled because I imagined that it was the town next to Portland, my hometown,” he told Smithsonian magazine.
But in the show itself, a letter to Mr. Burns indicates he lives in Springfield, New Jersey. Another instance has the narrator talking about the Simpsons as “this Kentuckian family…”, but to be fair, the narrator may have been indicating that the family originally came from Kentucky. There is also one opening couch gag where the camera zooms out from the Simpsons’ house, above the town of Springfield, continuing over the entire US and subsequently, the entire universe. Here, the location of Springfield suggests it to be somewhere around the Great Lakes area, probably in Illinois.
5. The First Season is Different From the Rest
Like most other animated shows, especially those with a particularly long run, it’s not surprising to see some differences, especially in design, after a few seasons. In The Simpsons, however, there are several other changes that make the first season different from the rest. For example, Homer’s voice was made higher pitched and less intelligent-sounding than it initially was. Chief Wiggum’s hair color changes from black to blue, not to mention Mr. Smithers, who was initially black, as well as Officer Lou, who had yellow skin at the beginning of season one.
The first episodes also had a somewhat different opening sequence (which you can watch above). While Bart is skateboarding on the street on his way home from school, we don’t see any of the recognizable characters we’re used to in the later episodes. We instead see a bunch of people running after a bus. Lisa is seen riding her bike, overburdened with school books, and then parking it, just before Homer’s car pulls into the driveway. The rest is similar to how it is today, with the exception of the frequent couch gag variables, of course.
4. Marge Has Bunny Ears
The reason for Marge’s long, cylindrical-shaped hairdo has nothing to do with the style women were wearing during the late 1980s, because they weren’t, for the most part. Admittedly, Matt Groening’s mother Margaret did wear it during the 1960s, and she is in fact the inspiration for Marge. But the real reason for why Marge is wearing that style is quite strange. From the very beginning, Matt Groening decided to reveal in the very last episode of the show, whenever it may be, that Marge actually had bunny ears underneath her blue hair.
This idea came as a shock to the other writers and co-creators of the show. In fact, co-creator Sam Simon got really angry and managed to convince Groening that this was a stupid idea, and that they would not be using it. Nevertheless, in the Simpsons Arcade Game, Groening did manage to have it his own way after all, and Marge was given large bunny ears. The reasoning behind Matt Groening’s original idea is still a mystery. Incidentally, considering Marge “posed” for Playboy (yes, there was an actual, real-life issue in which Marge appeared nude, around the time of The Simpsons Movie) and could now be considered a Playboy Bunny, it seems almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3. The Most Guest Stars…Ever
While the show holds the Guinness World Record for the longest running, primetime TV animated series, it also holds the record for the most guest stars to appear in the show with over 600. Among them are Stephen Hawking, Jose Canseco, Jon Stewart, and Katy Perry. Michael Jackson also made an appearance in an episode, portraying a mental patient who believed he was…Michael Jackson. In the episode credits, however, the voice is credited as John Jay Smith.
Three of the Beatles have also appeared in the show: George Harrison (“Homer’s Barbershop Quartet”), Ringo Starr (“Brush With Greatness”), and Paul McCartney (“Lisa the Vegetarian”). There has even been an entire episode dedicated to the passing of the late George Harrison. Since John Lennon passed away long before the show even premiered, his song “Mother” was used in an episode, meaning in a sense that all of the Beatles had their voices heard within the Simpsons.
2. Who is Maggie?
Unlike the other characters in the show, which all have their respective actors voicing them throughout the many seasons, Maggie Simpson was played by anyone who was willing. Most of the female voices in the show have had a go at the spike-headed baby, creating her cute grunts and babblings, and on occasion, even delivering some lines in her dreams, or other fantasies. In the beginning of the show, most of her squeaks and cries were done by Yeardley Smith, but in later seasons, this “arduous” task fell mostly on Nancy Cartwright, who is also the voice behind Bart, Nelson, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and a few others, on occasion.
In some special instances, however, guest stars have even been brought in to voice the awesome role of Maggie Simpson. Her first ever word was actually spoken by Elizabeth Taylor, in the episode “Lisa’s First Word.” Even though the word was simply “Daddy,” Taylor had to record the word numerous times before the producers were satisfied. Jodie Foster voiced a Howard Roark-inspired Maggie, who rallied babies in yet another daycare escape. And let’s not forget the James Earl Jones version of Maggie in the “Treehouse of Horror V”episode. But the most important Maggie role is actually played by Matt Groening himself, who’s the source for the ever present pacifier sucking.
1. Best and Worst Episodes
Like with every other show out there, there are good episodes, and not so good episodes. The season two premiere episode, called “Bart Gets An F,” was a bit controversial, to say the least. It was the first episode in the series to focus mainly on Bart (the most popular character at the time), as opposed to Homer and the family as a whole. This was coupled with putting the show up against The Bill Cosby Show, back before people realized how creepy and awful its star was. Nevertheless, these two gambles paid off in the end and the episode brought in the best Nielsen ratings the show has ever seen. The episode has quite an interesting moral: even if you try your hardest, you’re not guaranteed to succeed. This is still the highest viewed episode to date.
On the other end of the popularity spectrum is “The Great Simpsina,”which aired during the 22nd season of the show. The episode revolves around Lisa being a great magician, which sounds fine and all but was hurt by a couple things, including the fact that Lisa isn’t exactly the most popular character on the series. She’s great, for sure, but she’s pretty far down the cast “depth chart,” so to speak, for carrying her own episodes. But at the end of the day, the real reason why this was the least viewed episode has to do more with the fact that it appeared far later that “Bart Gets An F,” of course, and because the entire show itself has been losing its popularity as a whole as the years have gone on.
Nearly all of the main Tallahassee characters were real people. I used their actual names and because of the volatile nature of the events, especially in the 1950’s, I may have the legal department pulling out their hair. If I had fictionalized their names, I could never have kept them all straight. Who they were and what was their relation to A.O. Campbell needed to be as is. Perhaps it is due to my simple mind, but George Lewis, Charles Wilson, Franklin McLoud, the Dr.’s nurses, the Dr.’s attorneys, the Prosecutors, Starke Prison and Audrie Franich, all appearing in chapter 1 & subsequently, are real.
Now, some of the machinations surrounding his trial and subsequent imprisonment, well that is a combination of speculation and fictionalization on my part. None of this tinkering affects the end result.
Carolyn Hanes and Capt. Robert Ford do have a big role in the book. Bob Ford did indeed pilot the Pacific Clipper at the outbreak of WWII and had to fly it back to New York counterclockwise. Carolyn Hanes is pure fiction. You may think she is my alter ego. That is left for you to imagine.
In chapter 2, the Ferrell family is foundational to the story line. Most all of them are true, in the fact that they did exist. I may have exaggerated their role, but they do and did contribute to Leon County past.
Laura Bell/Olla is a key to the complicated bloodlines of the Campbell family. She is the mother ofMaggie Lou, though Maggie’s erotic conception may be subject to my imagination. Maggie Lou does go on to marry the doctor in 1916.
The Campbell family, headed by Willy and Amanda, is the all-in-all. Alfrey (A.O.) Campbell had four brothers and sisters. Hosea is the most infamous, but was he such a rascal, I do not know?
More than likely, the Campbell’s were slaves at some point, but the evil Jefferson Smythwick did not exist and his Fort Sumter South plantation occupies made-up ground. You must admit though that the escape by Alfrey et al was an exciting treat. Take that mean old slave owners!
Chapters 3 and 4 contain the fictional Southeast Anti-slavery Society, headed by the great Herbert Love. I call him great because he is the person, who I posit, providing for the Dr.’s education. In fact, I have since learned that A.O.’s extended family may have sacrificed holdings to finance his education.
Love never made Secretary of Agriculture in a McKinley administration, but he would have had the qualifications. He was engaged in farming of some sort, though he takes on a lion’s share philanthropy for my purposes.
Siegfried and Frieda Endlichoffer, the German couple across the lake from John Ferrell, are based on a personal acquaintance. They are a sweet augmentation to the Tallahassee landscape and what better neighbors could anyone have?
Of course the Spanish American War was real. It represents the USA’s first foray into imperial policy, which has led to our global role as policeman to the world.
The Horizons of chapters 5 and 6 are the recounting of what was going on the last time we entered a new century. 1900 had as many amazing changes as we have in the year 2000. President McKinley was indeed assassinated in 1901 and that was preceded by the Galveston hurricane, the Great Plague and followed by the San Francisco earthquake of 1906.
Harv Pearson is a huge player in LATOBSD. He marries Judith Eastman in chapter 7, who is fictional and they start the Pearson-Eastman Journal, a make believe publication that gives this book the legs to reach out to the entire flat world… pure fictional genius.
…Newt Swakhammer seems like a guy who lets the world happen around him…
“Look at that! There is an ass on the runway.”
“Be nice to the man, Bob, we want him to spill his guts.”
“No, an actual donkey, silly. Oh… okay, he is dragging it off. He must have seen us coming.” He tilts their plane left, then right to signal (the flying hello). He waves them in.
“He certainly looks friendly.”
“His name is Newt Swakhammer and he was the first person to see the crash.”
“Swakhammer? Maybe he should have had the government change his name, too. I couldn’t make up a name like that. Hi, I’m Newt Swakhammer.”
“Take it easy, Lyn.” Ford doesn’t want her breaking up in front of the rancher. “Frankly, I’m surprised they didn’t find him a ranch in Argentina. I have a feeling that we are the last people the Air Force wants him to talk to.”
“Too late.” And it was.
The landing goes smoothly, except for having to dodge numerous prairie dog holes, while causing a small stampede of rangy Herefords.
“Don’t you worry about them cattle, they’ll be back,” Newt assures his guests. “We don’t get many visitors out here.”
“Are those cows the same ones you had in New Mexico, because I could see why they would be afraid of things that fly?” Excellent segue into the topic at hand.
“The ones that ain’t longhorns, yeah, they followed me to Texas. You know, come to think of it, those Herefords is a skidderish bunch. Some of ‘em would be gone for days, then come on back fatter than they was when they left out.”Newt Swakhammer seems like a guy who lets the world happen around him.“No sense in making sense of every little thing, that’s what I always say.”1947
“Did that crash a couple years back make any sense to you, Newt?” Bob knows that Newt knows that Lyn knows.
“Just about scared the tar out o’me, it did. I was in the house, rustling up some grub when it hit the ground, so bright it blinded me for a bit. Still see spots floatin’ ‘round when I’m in the dark.”
“What did you see when you went out to see what’s what?” Lyn broadens his myopic recollection.
“What didn’t I see? Junk everywhere, a full section of land sizzlin’, and smokin’.”
“Did you pick up anything, for a souvenir?”
“At first I didn’t. Never saw anything like that stuff; gadgets, lights still flashin’, some tin metal so thin you could see through it, even a couple bodies. No noses on those little beggars, one of ‘em still livin’ until the Army showed up.”
“What did the army do with it, uh, them?”
“Carted ‘em off wrapped in blankets, in a big time hurry too. Told me they was kids in costume. Which I could believe, but that don’t explain the grown-up I saw.”
“Grown-up?”
“Yeah, some guy in a fancy blue suit, well it must have been fancy before gettin’ singed to a crisp.”
…Carolyn is wearing a so-called leather bomber jacket she had been given by a returning B-17 tail gunner…
Assault on Damn Yankee by Domenic DeNardo
Constance Caraway… rather Carolyn Hanes is waving both arms above her head, on the tarmac of the commercial terminal at La Guardia Airport. The roar of a taxiing twin engine Douglas DC-3 camouflages her, “Over here, Captain Ford!”, but he spots her nonetheless. He swings the impressive plane around, signaling a big thumb’s up, and a welcome sight in the window above the Constance CarawayP.I. in big bold yellow. He looks as dashing as she had remembered, an opinion slightly tainted by his heroic escapades.
Once in place, and propellers at rest, Robert Ford climbs down the cockpit ladder, his plane’s only entrance beside the cargo bay doors. Lyn has abandoned her bags and is there to apply a hardy embrace. She is wearing a so-called leather bomber jacket she had been given by a returning B-17 tail gunner.
“Is that a bullet hole there?” He puts an index finger into Lyn’s upper left arm. “You didn’t, did you?”
Constance
“Join the Air Force, oh my, no?”
“Another Constance fan?”
“Yes, he was so cute, says he would read my stuff on the way back from a bombing run. Now, Bob, he was just a boy.” She reacts to Ford’s sideward glance.
“Well you look like a real flier, Lyn. What do say to taking my baby for a little 1600 mile spin?”
“My little cub would fit underneath one of your wings. Once we’re at altitude, I wouldn’t mind taking the controls for a few hours. What is it, a ten hour flight?”
“Very good, Lyn, that’s what’s in our flight plan… oh, here comes the fuel truck.”
“76 octane?” Lyn reels in a Clipper memory.
“76? There isn’t a runway in the world long enough if we used straight gasoline. These engines are spoiled rotten, 110, no less, and not in five gallon cans either.” His Clipper recollection includes fueling it with five gallon cans… all four thousand gallons.
The modern celebration of Christmas is just kind of accepted as universal truth. However, everything that we consider to be a cliché is actually an evolution of images, which required hard work by actual people to help break into the mainstream. Some of those names are famous, and some are seeming footnotes in history. Through this list, we will try and recognize some of those who helped shape the modern mythology of Christmas.
10. Norman Rockwell
Figures such as Santa Claus definitely have more than one interpretation. They also tend to evolve. Generally though, whenever Norman Rockwell put an illustration on the Saturday Evening Post, it quickly became definitive. Rockwell’s Santa would start appearing on covers of the Post in the 1920’s. This is important in that Rockwell’s paintings would go on to influence even more influential representations of Claus later in the century. Their widespread use would even go on to serve as an inspiration for Coca-Cola’s 1930’s Christmas campaign, which many (falsely) consider to be the birth of the modern Santa Claus.
9. Tadahito Mochinaga
Tadahito Mochinaga was a pioneering stop motion animator, who worked in both China and Japan. However, it is his work with the company headed by Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass which earns him a spot on this list. The actual animation for the Rankin/Bass specials of the 1960’s was farmed out to Asian studios. This would mean that, when you watch the distinctive look and animation for Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, the look and animations were actually done by Mochinga. In that way, Mochinga influenced many of the other Rankin/Bass Christmas specials to come. His works also continue to influence how we see Christmas to this day.
8. Francis Pharcellus Church
When 8-year-old Virginia O’Hanlon wrote to the New York Sun in 1897,asking if there was a Santa Claus, Francis Church had an iconic response at the ready. His famous answer of, “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus,” originally published on September 21, has gone on to become the most re-printed editorial of all time. While he doesn’t come out and say whether Santa is a physical being or not, he still challenges the reader (and Virginia) to imagine a world without Santa, fairies, or basically goodness and imagination at all.
“Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” has also provided a way for parents to answer a child’s delicate question with hope. It has also become a catchphrase, especially during the holiday season. It is hard to believe, but rather appropriate, that initially Church never signed his name to it. It wasn’t about him, after all. It was about something much bigger.
7. Theodore Geisel
Quick trivia question: what was the highest-grossing domestic movie of 2000? That would be Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Though many likely look back with regret on their decision to give Jim Carrey their money for that thing, it’s proof positive that the Grinch name carries a megaton of weight.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas was originally released as a book by Theodore “Dr. Seuss” Geisel in 1957. Subsequently, generations would grow up on the animated special directed by Chuck Jones narrated by Frankenstein’s Boris Karloff. Ostensibly, Grinch is a rallying cry against the crass commercialization of Christmas. However, Grinch goes a little deeper into the psyche of what has become a universal holiday. While Grinch is certainly against commercialization,Grinch also does not seem to endorse any specific religious interpretation of the holiday. Rather, Grinch argues that Christmas has managed to develop a spirit all its own, which crosses all barriers and beliefs. In that, Christmas is allowed to bring out the best of humanity, regardless of our origins or beliefs.
6. Robert L. May
Robert L. May was working as a copywriter for the department store Montgomery Ward in the late 1930’s, when he received a curious assignment from his bosses. Montgomery Ward wanted to hand out a picture book at Christmas time in their stores, and it was May’s job to write one. May’s daughter, Barbara, was entranced by the deer at a Chicago Zoo, and her love of the creatures inspired Robert to write about a previously-unknown puller of Santa’s sleigh.
After several revisions, and drawing from the experiences of his own childhood, May produced the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in 1939. it was a massive success, in large part due to Mat’s decision to illustrate Rudolph in the book. Rudolph would also go on to be immortalized in song, television, and film.
5. Haddon Sundblom
Haddon Sunblom was a noted illustrator throughout his life, who would even go on to do some risque material for Playboy. However, in the 1930’s, Sundblom was commissioned by the Coca-Cola company to draw Santa Claus for a campaign. The Coca-Cola Santa Claus would go on to become a definitive representation of Santa Claus for generations world-wide. The charm of Sundblom’s Santa is that he would use actual models to establish the grandfatherly appeal of the Coca-Cola Santa. Sundblom based his Santa initially on a friend of his named Lou Prentiss, a retired salesman. Sundblom would later base Santa on himself. While Sundblom was not the first illustrator to do the Coca Cola Santa, his is considered the most definitive.
4. Gene Autry
Most artists would probably consider themselves lucky to have one song associated with them decades after it has been recorded. Gene Autry (the singing, acting, baseball team-owning cowboy) has two of the great seminal hits in the history of Christmas songs. Autry sang both Here Comes Santa Clausand Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. Autry is also the voice behind the classic recording of Frosty The Snowman. If you add in Peter Cottontail, then Autry is nothing less than the classic singing voice of every holiday occasion. The only way he could have been any more awesome, would have been to fight robots and aliens in his films, all while dressed as a singing cowboy of course.
3. Charles Dickens
Everyone knows the classic Charles Dickens taleA Christmas Carol. The story of Ebeneezer Scrooge has been told and retold through every major media form that we have several times over. The one thing we often don’t think about is how Christmas was celebrated before A Christmas Carol. Before Dickens’s work, Christmas was a community celebration. After Dickens, it was much more of a family and personal celebration.
Also, Dickens’s 1843 novel describes a white Christmas, which was supposed to demonstrate the bleakness of everybody’s lives thanks to Scrooge and his scrooginess. As a matter of fact, eastern England is very rarely subject to such conditions in December. Nevertheless, a more optimistic, idealized interpretation of snow on Christmas prevailed, and dreaming of a White Christmas is a thing to this very day. This is all thanks to Dickens, even though he didn’t mean it that way.
2. Thomas Nast
Thomas Nast was a political and cultural cartoonist in the 19th century. In addition to satirizing New York City politicians, Nast also gave us our earliest depictions of what Santa Claus should look like. Nast depicted Santa bandying about on rooftops (an idea which was first shared with Americans by Washington Irving,) and gave us the classic idea of how Santa should be dressed. To this day, the very idea of Christmas seems to recall 19th century Americana, as well as Victorian England. This is largely due to the influence of Nast. Later illustrators simply put Nast’s cartoons in a modern setting.
1. Clement Clarke Moore
Clement Clark Moore was a professor of Divinity and Literature at an New York Episcopal college when, in 1822, he sat down to write a Christmas poem for his family. Moore never intended for the poem (originally titled A Visit From St. Nicolas) to even be published. It was only at his family’s begging and insistence that Visit was published a year later. Under its revised title, The Night BeforeChristmas, the poem became an immediate smash success, one that’s still succeeding close to 200 years later.
The story of a man catching Santa Claus late at night is so well-known, that many do not realize its groundbreaking nature. Moore, in one little poem, all but invented Christmas mythology. He named the reindeer, was the first to call St. Nicolas an “elf,” cemented the idea of Santa going from rooftop to rooftop, and codified most every concept about Santa entering your home to leave gifts. Outside of milk and cookies, there is virtually nothing about the legend of Santa that was not influenced by this poem. There’s a good chance at least some of these ideas were already popular circulation, but the fact that Moore took the time to write them down means he is the reason we’re all celebrating Christmas today.
… The characters, about whom Carolyn Hanes writes about, are as deep as the Grand Canyon on that claimed her mother’s life…
Grand Canyon lookout by harold shull
Carolyn Hanes is the daughter of author, Emerson Hough, who had raised his child in New Mexico, the best way he could since losing wife and mother, Molly Hough in a hiking accident at the Grand Canyon in neighboring Arizona. The burrow that Molly was riding reared, after being bit by a rattlesnake. The back of her head strikes one of the chiseled rocks, granite, limestone, or shale, ending her life in 1905. Carolyn was 9 years old, and though she would lead a comfortable life, she never stopped searching for a replacement. Her father never remarried, she never found another mother. Instead, she found a form of love that would fill that void.
The characters, about whom Lyn had referred to earlier, are as deep as the Grand Canyon that claimed her mom.
Yes, those fictional beings in her earlier romance novels, more popular in Europe due to their sexually liberal content, are understandably passionate, always seeking relationship over logic. Now, as she is about to turn 40 years of age, perspective has set in. Constance Caraway, and yes, even Fanny Renwick, are examples of people who are secure with themselves, mirroring their creator.
And serious about what she does; Constance Caraway is hot on a previously cold trail. Four years ago, her beloved Sara was witness to a murder, one that goes unsolved (or unpunished) to this day. By subtly probing the lives of the families suspected of containing felonious conspirators, she has developed the story of jealousy, racism and pretense.
“I can’t believe this crap,” blasts the overbearing patriarch of the hotel owning monopoly. “”I don’t care if we have to steal their land… those damn darkies aren’t going to keep me from making that deal!”
“But, Father, remember that night in ‘31? I know you pretend it didn’t happen, but it did. If you mess with that family, suspicions will be raised about that old woman.” Could this be lingering guilt, coming from a once foolish youth? Once and still and little angry that a Negros’s house could be grander than theirs?
“That was 15 years ago, son, and she was a useless busybody. You and the banker’s kid probably did those darkies a favor.”
“Word has it that banker Lucas is the father of Doc Crandall’s 2nd bitch, Lucille. If he were to find out we killed her grandma, he wouldn’t loan us the time of day, let alone a ten story hotel. No one must ever know.”
Eddie Dombroski and his Cousin Rex forge a solid business model with their carriage cartage. Though others will imitate, none can duplicate that Southside family legacy.
Edie D. will continue to support the husband that she came oh so close to losing; two bullets short – a hundred stories yet to endure.
Jesse James will always have a connection to Caraway & Associates, but will hang on to his Agent Daniels personae. Or is it that he is terminally tied to government service?
Sister Mary Joseph will continue to serve the Lord at the Tolentine Monastery, fifty yards or so from where a rare, stray lightning bolt struck on a fortuitous January day in 1951.
Doctor Louis Steinberg, formerly of Elgin State Mental Hospital, takes his experience with Willard Libby (John Doe) and makes catatonia his life’s study, writing many go-to books on the condition.
Martin Kamen will go on to extol the virtues of his radioisotope carbon-14, while searching other chemical corners of Creation for undiscovered gems.
Willard Libby wins the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for his discovery of carbon-14 half-life, as it relates to dating organic elements. He ends his tenure at the University of Chicago, takes an emeritus position there and he tours the world, lecturing open, eager ears about the probable age of the Universe.
William Franklin “Billy” Graham Jr. spreads God’s Word through his Crusades, counsels US Presidents (for their own good) and begins to champion the civil rights movement by his association with Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. Thanks to his crusades and television broadcasts, millions across the globe accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior. No better man of God has there ever been made.
The members of Constance Caraway & Associates, Constance, Fanny Renwick, Ace Bannion and R. Worth Moore are united in their continuing mission: No Stone Unturned and No Place To Hide; one for all, each with a particular skill-set to contribute to the cause.
Please stay tuned. Though this is THE END to the story of Forever Mastadon, it is not an end to further adventures; forward or backward in time, Tallahassee/Chicago or the world and beyond, the fictional tales of Constance Caraway will live on, somewhere down the road.
Jaws is often called the original summer blockbuster, so before the next glut of CGI-laden superhero movies fills screens worldwide, why not read a few lesser known facts about the OG blockbuster that set the precedent that allows them to exist? Starting with…
10. Jaws was a PG Release
Jaws is a film that contains a scene of a man being brutally eaten alive by a shark while screaming (fun fact: the actor supposedly broke his leg during that scene so the screams of pain you hear are real), people having the limbs shorn off, and the most iconic jump scare in cinema history. On top of this, the film also involves scenes involving drinking, smoking, swearing, and at least one instance of a shark eating a chubby kid on a raft. Amazingly, censors of the time saw all this and thought to themselves, “yeah, this seems suitable for kids.”
Because yeah, Jaws was a PG rated movie, meaning anyone could go watch this thing so long as they had parental supervision, even if they were still at risk of pooping their pants literally instead of metaphorically. Think about that the next time you go watch an Avengers movie and realize it’s a PG-13 because Sam Jackson says the F-word.
9. It Originally Starred Dwarf Stuntmen
The undeniable star of Jaws is the shark, a role that was variously played by a notoriously unreliable mechanical shark (which we’ll get to in a moment) and several real sharks filmed by the crew. The problem was that the shark, who we’ll just call Jaws even though he had a name (which we’ll also get to), is supposed to be a shark of exceptional size, which kind of created a problem when the crew went to film some real Great Whites and realized they’d look noticeably smaller than their robo-shark. An ingenious solution was found in the form of several midget stuntmen.
The idea was to dress these stuntmen up in the same diving suits as the regular cast and film them next to some average-sized Great Whites, creating a forced perspective that made the sharks look super-huge and buff. To complete the illusion, the production team even built a smaller version of the shark cage seen at the end of the movie that the stuntmen were supposed to float around in. This cage wasn’t built as sturdily as an actual shark cage and as a result, before one of the stuntmen could climb inside it, a Great White tore it to pieces. This led to a total rewrite to ensure…
8. Hooper Survived Because Footage of the Cage Being Destroyed was Too Good Not to Use
The footage of a shark tearing apart the shark cage at the climax of the movie was 100% real and was so good Spielberg insisted that it had to go into the movie. The problem was that the original script called for Hooper to be inside the cage at the time, and for him to be killed in the ensuing attack, just like in the book. Another problem was that after seeing a shark tear apart a shark-proof cage none of the stuntmen would get back into the water.
Not wanting to lose the footage, a hasty rewrite was made to show that Hooper survived by swimming to the bottom of the ocean and hiding from the shark. This change also allowed the editors to use footage of the shark attacking from below (where it’s most obvious nobody is in the cage), framing it as if it’s from Hooper’s point of view as he cowered from the shark in a steadily growing cloud of his own urine.
7. Spielberg Laughed When He First Heard the Theme
John Williams’ theme for Jaws is one of the most iconic in all of cinema. Countless articles and academic papers have been written exploring the deceptive depth of the theme and how it affects those who hear it on an almost primal level. Though considered an integral part of the film’s success today, Spielberg was apparently not all that impressed with the theme when he first heard it, he laughed out loud when Williams played it for him.
You see, Spielberg had assumed that the film’s score would be more akin to that of a swashbuckling pirate movie and thought Williams’ minimalist take on the theme was too Spartan. However, Spielberg deferred to Williams’ judgement for final decision, apparently quipping “okay, let’s give it a shot” when Williams insisted the theme would work. We’re assuming Spielberg has never since question Williams’ judgement after the success of Jaws.
6. The Shark Sank the First Time it was Put Into the Water
As noted previously, the robo-shark used for many of the close-ups in the movie was unreliable to an almost comical degree. This is no better summed up than by what the shark did the very first time it was lowered into the water: it sank like a depressed brick of lead with concrete shoes. Apparently it hadn’t occurred to anybody to check if the shark floated while making it.
Along with sinking, the shark often malfunctioned and would sometimes simply stop working for no reason at all. This not only caused the movie to fall 100 days behind schedule, but also meant that half the shots of the movie involving the shark didn’t have the shark in frame.
Curiously, it’s been noted that the fact Spielberg had to film around the fact the shark wasn’t there most of the time, instead having to suggest its presence, made the movie better. Which kind of makes sense. The reason Jaws is such a scary movie is because there’s a constant threat that the shark could appear at any moment and chow down on your butt. If the shark had been on screen for 50% of the movie like Spielberg had originally planned, its few sporadic appearances would have had less impact. So yeah, when you watch Jaws and find yourself feeling on edge throughout the entire film, that wouldn’t be the case if the shark had actually worked and you could have seen how crappy it actually looked most of the time.
5. The Shark’s Name was Bruce
The shark in Jaws is always referred to as either, simply, “the shark” or else Jaws, which is weird since throughout filming his name was Bruce. The name is supposedly a name coined by the the production crew as a nod to Spielberg’s lawyer Bruce Raynor who, like the shark, was a bit temperamental.
Spielberg himself wasn’t personally a fan of the name since, unlike the mechanical shark, his lawyer sometimes actually worked. So instead, he came up with an altogether more apt nickname considering the numerous mechanical faults the shark suffered throughout production: The Great White Turd.
4. Spielberg Spent $3,000 of His Own Money for “One More Scream”
Jaws, hands down, contains one of the single greatest jump scares in cinema history. We’re of course talking about when Hooper finds Ben Gardner’s boat, and a big rubber head comes flying out of a shark shaped hole in the hull. That scene wasn’t in the original cut of the movie and was only added after Spielberg watched the audience reaction to the reveal of the shark at the film’s climax (the bit immediately prior to the “we’re gonna need a bigger boat” line), and realized the reaction wasn’t as intense as he’d hoped.
So Spielberg went back to the studio and asked for $3,000 to film another scene with a bigger jump scare and promptly got told not to do one. To be fair to the production company the film was 100 days behind schedule and over budget, so they were within their right to say no, but luckily for us, Spielberg didn’t take no for an answer.
With the studio refusing to pony up the cash, Spielberg decided to film the scene in someone’s pool using his own money. To make the water look more like the kind of place you’d find a sunken boat, Spielberg had the pool filled with milk powder and then put a big tarp over the top to limit the amount of light that got through to the bottom. Admittedly greedy for “one more scream” the director then instructed the sound engineers to make the jump scare happen before the music reached it’s natural crescendo, to make everyone poop their pants the first time they saw it.
3. It Had one of the Widest Releases of Any Film Ever
Jaws was, as noted, one of the first, if not the first, major summer blockbusters. In fact, prior to the release of Jaws and then
Star Wars a few years later, the summer was considered a low period for cinema since it was believed nobody would waste a ball-sweltering summer’s day sitting in a cool, air conditioned cinema. Oh, how wrong they were.
Upon release, Jaws set numerous records for having such a wide release, opening in some 400 cinemas on its first day. But here’s the really crazy part: Jaws was such a massive phenomenon that the number of cinemas screening it across the US more than doubled over the course of two months. This was unheard of back then and rarely, if ever, happens today since most films make the bulk of their money in the opening weekend. It’s a testament then to the sheer inertia of Jaws that after two months at the cinema, demand was still so high 500 more theatres decided to screen it, too.
2. It Kinda Ruined Sharks (and Beaches) for Everyone
As noted in the previous entry, releasing a film during the summer season used to be considered box office suicide since it was believed everyone would be too busy having fun at the beach. Jaws changed all that and during the summer of 1975 beach attendance fell nationwide.
The drop in beach attendance was credited to both the success of the film, which saw millions of Americans flock to cinemas, as well as the fact it kind of made it scary to go into the water. Speaking of which, the film is still criticized today for painting an unnecessarily harsh and objectively incorrect picture of sharks, which hardly ever attack humans. However, the success of Jaws saw shark attacks not only being reported upon more often (creating the false impression that they were more common than they actually are) but also a more negative perception of the animal, which led to many of them being killed for no real reason. All of which kind of leaves a sour taste in our mouths, so let’s end on something a little lighter, specifically that…
1. Michael Caine Loved the 4th Movie
To date Jaws has made more money and has a higher Rotten Tomatoes score than all three of its sequels combined. The fourth film in particular has an impressive 0% rating on the website, and is largely considered to be the biggest cinematic turd since the one Jeff Goldblum finds in Jurassic Park.
Along with being paid a pretty penny for starring in the film, Caine has praised the fact that it features a realistic romance between two middle aged people (something that’s rarely seen in cinema) and enjoyed that he basically got a free trip to the Bahamas. In case you’re thinking that Caine is only positive about the film because he got a free vacation out of it, starring in the film caused him to miss the 1987 Oscars. And it’s important to note, he actually won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor that year, for the film Hannah and Her Sisters. In other words, Michael Caine had so much fun pretending to fight a giant, fake shark in a terrible Jaws sequel he didn’t mind not collecting the most prestigious award for acting in person.
Decades before we had child stars on TV, a little boy named Christopher Robin Milne was thrust into the spotlight and became the most famous child of his lifetime. Even to this day, a version of him is still portrayed in the Winnie the Pooh cartoon, and movies are still being made about his life, including Goodbye Christopher Robin in 2017, and the upcoming 2018 film starring Ewan McGregor called Christopher Robin.
But just how accurate are these films, and are they anything like the true life of Christopher Robin? While the well-loved origin story of Winnie the Pooh begins as a journey into the innocence of childhood, the true story becomes quite dark, and everyone involved in the creation of the books eventually regretted it.
Alan Alexander Milne was Christopher Robin’s father, and the creator of Winnie the Pooh. Long before he wrote children’s stories, Milne was a comedy writer and editor at Punch magazine, as well as an acclaimed playwright. After serving in World War I, he found it difficult to continue writing comedy, and wanted to talk about the politics of war instead.
Milne lived with his wife, Daphne, and his son Christopher in London, but he decided that they needed a place to get away from the big city, so he purchase a summer home near Ashdown Forest in Sussex, which is also known as the Five Hundred Acre Wood. This, of course, served as inspiration for Pooh’s “Hundred Acre Wood.”
While he was taking time to write in the country, Milne came to the conclusion that after years of tragedy, people were ready to move on, and they were not ready to read about his thoughts on war. They desperately wanted to read happy stories, and comedy. He drew inspiration from his own source of happiness, which was his 6-year-old son, Christopher Robin.
The boy loved playing in the woods with his stuffed animal teddy bear, which he received as a baby. His mother named the bear “Edward,” but he decided to change its name to Winnie, after seeing a Canadian bear at the London zoo called Winnipeg. Over the years, Daphne continued to buy her son more stuffed animals from Harrods department store, including a donkey, kangaroo, tiger, and tiny piglet. As an only child, Christopher Robin often played by himself and with his nanny, and his mother helped to encourage him to play pretend with his collection of animal friends.
One day, Milne was inspired to write down a poem about Christopher Robin saying his prayers before going to bed. He titled it “Vespers,” and gave it to his wife as a gift. It was later published in Vanity Fair magazine. The public loved reading the sweet poem about the little boy, and they wanted more. Once word got out that this little character was actually the author’s son, suddenly every newspaper and radio show wanted an interview with Christopher Robin.
After working in the magazine industry for years, Milne knew that they needed to take advantage of this hype and sell more stories. He asked his friend and co-worker, E.H. Shephard, to draw the illustrations. So he set out working on writing about Christopher Robin. The stories were loosely based on his son’s imaginary adventures. He published a collection of poems called Now We Are Six, and he eventually switch from poetry to children’s fiction about Winnie the Pooh.
The public absolutely loved Christopher Robin. He received fan letters on a daily basis.. He was taken to public events, narrated stories, and performed in a play about Winnie the Pooh. Like most child stars, he actually loved the fame and attention he was getting. It made him feel special to know that everyone wanted to be his friend. Since he was enjoying it so much, his parents continued to push him into the spotlight, and enjoyed the benefits of being rich and famous.
Even if his parents were blinded by fame, his aunt and uncle did not approve, and they spoke up about how he was being robbed of a normal childhood. Once Milne realized this as well, he chose to stop publishing Winnie the Pooh stories. However, even though he stopped making new books, there was still a demand for reprints, and the hype never died down. Even when he tried to go back to writing for adults, critics would just compare Milne’s work to the children’s stories, claiming that his new characters in a play were just “Christopher Robin grown up.”
Milne wasn’t the only one whose work suffered after Pooh. The illustrator, E.H. Shepherd, was the political cartoonist for Punch Magazine. He saw his work with Milne as a side-gig, and a favor for a friend. After the books became so popular, it overshadowed the work he was doing with political cartoons. He was criticized for copying the styles of other illustrators, and the jokes were never good enough to stand the test of time. While Winnie the Pooh was arguably his best work, he resented that it was his legacy. Whenever anyone mentioned the books to him, he called Pooh “that silly old bear.”
In 1930, when Christopher Robin was 10-years-old, his parents decided that it was time to remove their son out of the public eye and try to give him an education. He was sent to boarding school, and his magical childhood came crashing down when all of the boys started to bully and tease him about Winnie the Pooh. Over time, he grew to hate the stories, and resented his father for exposing his real name and likeness all over the world.
He went to college at Cambridge, and he joined the army at the beginning of World War II. When he was discharged from the military, he started applying to jobs, but every single employer would recognize his name, and asked about Winnie the Pooh. Instead of hiring him based on his resume, everyone already felt that they knew him and judged him based on a fictional character. This made Christopher very angry, because he felt as though his father had robbed him of ever being known for his own accomplishments. Technically, the books made the family so rich Christopher Robin didn’t really have to work to earn a living, but he resented the legacy of Winnie the Pooh so much he refused to take any of the money that the books generated, and he wanted to work and support himself like a normal person.
When he was 27-years-old, Christopher Robin met his first cousin from his mother’s side, Lesley de Selincourt. They had never grown up together as children, because his mother, Daphne, was estranged from her family. They fell in love, and got married. We all know in modern times that that’s not a very good idea to marry your first cousin, and his mother strongly disapproved of their relationship. His father, on the other hand, just wanted him to be happy, and gave them his blessing.
After marrying Lesley, they opened up a bookstore together, and started a family. Unfortunately, their close familial DNA came back to bite them when Christopher and Lesley’s daughter Clare was born severely handicapped with cerebral palsy and kyphosis. She needed nurses to be with her 24 hours a day. This was the first time that Christopher reluctantly began accepting some money from the Pooh fortune, but he only took enough to give his daughter the best medical treatments possible. After his father died, Christopher Robin stopped visiting his mother, because their relationship was beyond repair. They never saw one another again. Even on her deathbed, she said that she did not want to see him.
Milne passed away in 1952, and Disney first bought the rights to use the Winnie the Pooh characters in the 1960s. They paid the Milne estate royalties twice each year. In 2001, they decided to make it official, and purchased the characters for a lump sum of $350 million. Since Christopher Robin refused to take any of the money for himself, all of it went to the Royal Literary Society, and The Garrick Club in London. Clare was given $44 million, which was used for her care in a treatment facility. While this sounds like a massive amount of money, Disney has made a huge return on investment. They make $2 billion every single year from Winnie the Pooh.
By the time he was in his 60s, Christopher Robin said that he could finally look at the Winnie the Pooh books without cringing. He began to make public appearances again, and donated his stuffed animals to the New York City Library, which is where they remain to this day. Christopher passed away in 1996.
There is a plaque in A.A. Milne’s honor in the Five Hundred Acre Wood, and children still travel there to see where the real Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin once played. While Winnie the Pooh may have caused some pain to the people who created him, the stories that were left behind have made children all over the world happy, and will continue to do so for generations to come.
his family… and those of his associates… frolicking in an Eridanus with crystal clear skies, no towers; without Gifted or Null.
#Such a fine ship she would have been#
have no use for the Gifted. We live in a dimension without pain, rank or negativity. I will restore the grotto scene to you now. DO NOT RETURN#
he dank cavern surrounds them once again. Xat returns to the world he created for himself.
others go unanswered.
Writing is Fun-damental-- from Gwendolyn Hoff 
Christmas All-time
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