The NULL Solution = Episode 41

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The NULL Solution = Episode 41

…the United Korean Peninsula finds itself overheating after failing to immediately rid their skies of what they are calling Giant Ball…

It does not take long for the Ÿ€Ð to react to being exposed to the penetrating harshness of their star. The impenetrable cloud deck that they have benefited from from their inception has gone away, just like the usefulness of those 3 Seljuk outposts.

But that is where the comparisons end.

Seljuk views the loss as a warning, from the angle of the nail, choosing to ally themselves with Eridanus and Earth, going so far as sharing a space warrior’s tools.Related image

The Ÿ€Ð interpret their blazing nakedness as the need to be the hammer, electing to restore their entire fleet of warships out of mothballs. Peace among the galaxy elite is about to be threatened, like the olden times when Ÿ€Ð were the bully and everybody else did hide away for fear of being conquered.

But priorities are taking precedent, while scores of its inhabitants are dying from radiation poisoning, they have forgotten more about screening out IR & UV rays, flares and heat, than the current technology at their disposal; so immediate was the de-cloaking.

So the sleeping antagonist has been aroused.

Similarly, the United Korean Peninsula finds itself overheating after failing to immediately rid their skies of what they are calling 거 대 한 공{Giant Ball} and are considering the destruction of their nuclear submarine as an act of aggression towards them, when in fact it was they who fired the offending warhead.

Never mind the facts. Facts only get in the way of irrational behavior.

More than a dozen Taeopodong Unha-5s are launched in the direction of any world power suspected of producing Giant Ball or possessing nuclear weapons. India, Pakistan, China, Taiwan, France, Israel, Iran, Ukraine, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Somalia, Belgium, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Turkey, Great Britain and quite naturally the USA are recipients of Jong-Un-Family doomsday targeting.–


The NULL Solution =

Episode 41


page 46

The NULL Solution = Episode 34

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The NULL Solution = Episode 34

…Are the Koreans crazy?…

Gone Crazy by Terrance Prysiazniuk

Lorgan hasn’t moved so much as a foot for forty hours, son of Sampson {McKinney},” Fitch reveres the last-name of the man he was too late to save 20+ years ago, when as a Image result for ants gifyoung ideologically inclined scientist he first learned of Korea’s wicked plans.

“Yeah, I bet they are getting antsy, wondering who is breathing down their cutthroats.”

“Word from Washington is that the Koreans are accusing us as being responsible. Frankly, I wish we were,” Roy Crippen hardly ever harbors a deep abiding abhorrence for anyone or anything. He has made an exception in this case.

This trio, the holders of “the secret”, continues to ruminate over the facts at hand. A weightless object that stretches from Seoul and Pyongyang, unmoved by a ferocious northern Pacific tropical cyclone, seems to pop about wherever it pleases. Conventional wisdom is cast out like space-waste from a pressurized hatch.

Any skeptics of UFO sightings have been silenced.

Unless they blame the U.S., the usual suspect.

“President Bassett has dispatched a Lockheed U-21, I guess to take a closer look at Lorgan.” Roy has access to sensitive government information. “I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“If we warn her to abort the mission, we’ll have to tell her what we know,” Gus cautions.

“… which is next to nothing. But we cannot let on like we know anything. She’s already Image result for tick tock gifcalled us 4 times looking for answers.”

— After another hour:

“I don’t think the recon is going to get there in time, they have launched a surface-to-air nuke from one of their subs!”

Lorgan is only ten thousand meters up! Are they crazy? That is the very definition of a non sequitur.

Covering one’s ears, expecting something loud, is unique to man and ape.

And so they do.

But there is no boom. The missile did not miss its target… it went right through it. Instead of ridding their skies of a looming menace, their ballistic projectile went directly straight up, 90 degrees perpendicular, only to make a U-turn into the very depths occupied by the Romeo-class submarine that launched it.

당신 을 저주! dangsin eul jeoju! {Curse you!}

Boom!

There it is.


The NULL Solution =

Episode 34


page 38 (end ch. 3)

THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 156

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THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 156

…Mustering any more international mischief will be hard for this evil alliance to do…

–So in the midst of their puffy-chested revelry, when all their focus is on the gloryRelated image of recent triumphs, three supersonic bombers streak across the Arctic Ice Cap, under, around, and through Korean blind defenses. The government complex housing the conspiring power-brokers is leveled in an instant. Two other {space-connected} facilities are also destroyed, as well as seaports Wonsan, and Hamhung. No embargoes will be necessary.

Three more stealth bearers-of-bombs come up from the Indian Ocean on their way to Baikonur Cosmodrome and some sweet strategic points in Talibanistan. Before the sun can clear the horizon to the east, Talibanistani military installations go up in smoke and the Cosmodrome will not be hoisting any rockets for a very, very long time.

Mustering any more international mischief will be hard for this evil alliance to do.

The combined percentage loss to the two countries, when the military and governance vacuum is factored in, is near 85%. Assassinations of world leaders have been tried before, with varying results, attempted by people with different motives and ethnic derivations. Emperors have been betrayed, Kings have fallen, Presidents shot, but never before has a worldwide attack taken out the core leadership of world powers.

In United Korea, the Kim Jung-un lineage is stagnant and questionable, his offspring both being female. Succession to the throne will be chaotic for such an ordered {by sequestration} society.

And you thought they were upset about losing Sang-Ashi…

Talibanistan, on the other hand, has always been chaotic. When you bundle 6 countries together to make one big one, there is bound to be provincial squabbles. And with somebody always ready to take anybody’s place at any time, the melee free-for-all that ensues will prevent a unified response.

And they were so proud about their terrorist expertise…


THE RETURN TRIP

Lord of the Rings the LAST ALLIANCE – Artists: Jason Potratz & Jack Hai

Episode 156


page 191

RT contents 7-26

THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 155

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THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 155

…you have the ingredients for the second biggest international incident, “a quarter of a million miles this side of the moon”…

Pink Floyd

As things wind down is the Gulf region of North/Central America, just the
opposite is happening on the other side of the world, specifically the United Korean Peninsula and Talibanistan. For far too long the so-called Dove of the Americas, President Pete Sanchez has allowed free reign to certain, uncommon pockets of American/West hatred.

North Korea swallowed up the South when during his first term, he unilaterally withdrew United States forces, which had guarded the 38th Parallel for 3/4 of a century and the North pounced. The United Korean Peninsula was formed.

He was re-elected anyway.

At the beginning of his second term, he urged the United Nations to ease restrictions on what had only been a tribal movement in the areas north and west of India. During the vacuum of power, the Taliban seized control of all the “-stans” and formed the nation called Talibanistan. Never a friend to the
west, it was allowed to fester like a regional infection, never to be challenged about its belligerent policies.

And still Sanchez sat on his hands, with the support of the festering Hispanic majority that dare not allow him to lose power.

Picasso

But the Presidency of the United States of America has not descended into dictatorship and when a Congressional majority decides to act in spite of the “Commander-in Chief”, the sleeping dove that has been the USA, can magically take-wing and soar like the proud hawk of days gone by.

Among the Joint Chiefs’ of Staff, who have been bound by loyalty and not apt to spout their verbal opposition to national policy, are privately ramping up efforts to build a case for surgical strikes against both Korea and Talibanistan. A downsized military, just like the budget-challenged space program, has to skillfully choose their skirmishes and missions.

So when CIA briefings included information about that bodacious bash in the Korean capital, with all the prominent players involved in Space Colony’s destruction in one city block, the temptation to strike is obvious, even to the most casual observer.

Add in the fact that permission from Congress is nothing but a presidential rubberstamp and you have the ingredients for the second biggest international incident, “a quarter of a million miles this side of the moon”. As the Army Chief put it, “What happens in Korea stays in Korea.” —


THE RETURN TRIP

Episode 155


page 190

Contents TRT

Bomb Shelter Handbook – Surviving The Apocalypse

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Bunkers and Bomb Shelters

to Ride Out

the Apocalypse

If all out nuclear war happened, many places in the world could be wiped off the face of the Earth in the blasts. Unlucky survivors would die slowly from radiation or in nuclear winter. It’s a nightmarish scenario, and just one way humanity could be doomed. We could also be killed off by disease, environmental problems, and asteroids, just to name a few extinction level events. Because there are so many ways humanity could end on any given day, some people have built, or are in the process of building, some amazing bunkers and fallout shelters.

10. Atlas Survival Shelter

To start off, we thought we’d go with the working person’s luxury bomb shelter. Atlas Survival Shelter’s Galvanized Corrugated Pipe bomb shelter starts at about $49,000. The pipe is 32-by-10-feet and it can comfortably house three or four people. It has one bedroom plus extra bunks, a washroom with a shower, and there is storage under the floor so you can store up to a year’s worth of food. The tube, which has its own air filtration system and is powered by solar panels, protects the inhabitants from bomb blasts, and nuclear, chemical and biological disasters. Finally, any exterior components, such as the lid of the escape tube and solar panels, are hidden and nearly impossible to see unless you know what you’re looking for.

What’s interesting about the Atlas system is that multiple tubes can be connected together to make much bigger complexes. For example, they have a complex that holds 80 to 90 people. Check out the video above for one of the “higher end” models sold by Atlas.

9. Silo Home

The aptly named Silo Home was built over an Atlas F missile silo that was constructed during the Cold War in the Adirondack Mountains in Saranac, New York. The home that sits over the silo looks like a normal 1,800 square-foot cabin. The bunker, which is protected by walls that are three feet thick, is connected to the ground floor via a spiral staircase.

The subterrain area has two floors. The 2,300 square feet of living space includes a jacuzzi, a kitchen, a dining area, and an entertainment room. There are even windows with fake light that simulate sunlight. The Silo Home is also full of potential because there is lots of room for more renovations. There are nine levels, equaling 12,000 square feet, that are still unused.

8. The Caverns Suite

Have you ever seen the Grand Canyon and thought to yourself, “That looks comfortable enough to sleep in”? Hopefully not. But if, for some reason, you’d love to sleep there, there’s actually a luxury suite 200 feet below ground in the Grand Canyon Caverns in Peach Springs, Arizona, that was once a fallout shelter.

The caverns were discovered in 1927 by a woodcutter named Walter Peck. Accounts vary, but apparently Peck either fell or nearly fell into it. Peck thought that there might be gold in the caverns and quickly bought the land. When he found out there was no gold, he made it a tourist attraction, and led tours around the caverns. Since then, it’s had several owners and has been used in different ways. Notably, during the Cuban Missile Crisis it was used as a bomb shelter that could house 200 people. Some of the relics of its days as a fallout shelter can still be found there, such as dehydrated food.

In 2001, it was purchased by a group of friends who converted the remnants of the bomb shelter into a luxury suite that is 220 feet by 400 feet, with a 70-foot ceiling.To stay at the “oldest, darkest, deepest, quietest, and largest suite room in the world” for one night, it costs the first two guests $800 and then $100 for each additional person, and it holds up to six people. However, if it were needed for a bomb shelter, 2,000 people could survive in the caverns for several weeks.

7. Subterra Castle

subterra

Located in the Kansas hills, about 25 miles west of Topeka, Subterra Castle is a mansion that was created from a missile silo that once held an 82-foot Atlas-E rocket. Ed Peden and his wife, Dianna Ricke-Peden, bought the silo in 1984 for $40,000 and did a tremendous amount of work on it. They converted it into an underground mansion before moving into it in 1994. The silo has four bedrooms and two baths, there is a music room complete with a stage, domestic and commercial kitchens, a library/study, and a hot tub.

Ed Peden loves giving tours of his home to school groups, television crews, and anyone else who wants to see the bunker. Just make sure you let him know ahead of time.

6. Girard B. Henderson’s Bomb Shelter

If you were to look at this Las Vegas home from the street, you probably wouldn’t think much of it. It’s fairly mundane, just a two-story house that looks like it was built sometime in the 1970s. However, 26 feet below the house is an amazing Cold War fallout shelter that’s connected to the house by an elevator. The shelter comes complete with fake scenery, which includes fake trees and fake rocks. There’s a garden of sorts, which has a four-hole putting green, two jacuzzis, a sauna, a dance floor, a bar, and a barbeque that is in the shape of a rock. Oh, and a swimming pool, of course.

There are three bedrooms and three bathrooms. Finally, the lights can be adjusted to imitate different times of the day. There are even some twinkling stars to imitate the night sky. The shelter was installed in 1978, and the original owner, Girard B. Henderson, former director of Avon who died in 1980, had the décor reflect the era in which it was built. There are pastels everywhere, and the kitchen is pink. The house was listed for $1.7 million in 2013, but it is unclear if it was ever purchased.

5. The Facility

Built in 1969 in Tift County, Georgia, but renovated to new government standards in 2012, the Facility (as it has been nicknamed) is a privately owned fallout shelter. It sits on 32 acres, and above it is 2,000 square feet of commercial space and a caretaker’s home. 45 feet below is the bunker with three-foot cement walls that can withstand a 20 kiloton nuclear explosion. The bunker has four 600-square foot apartments, each have two bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen and dining area.

It also has five staff bedrooms, because what’s the point of surviving the apocalypsewithout someone to clean up after you? Other amenities include a 15-seat home theater, a library, a conference room, a first-aid room, a commercial kitchen, an HVAC system, and environmental monitoring sensors. The Facility went on the market in 2015, but it’s probably out of your price range unless your name is Bill Gates.

4. Luxury Survival Condos

In 2008, Denver based developer Larry Hall bought a 174-foot deep former nuclear missile silo near Concordia, Kansas. He converted it to a large bunker made up of individual condominiums. Besides the condos, the bunker has a swimming pool, a library, a 17-seat movie theater, and a hydroponic vegetable garden. To fortify the bunker, there are two armored doors weighing 16,000 pounds each, and the bunker has its own security force. Each resident is also given five years’ worth of freeze-dried and dehydrated food.

The silo can house up to 75 people, and there are full units and half units. A full unit is 1,820 square-feet with nine foot ceilings and costs $3 million, while half-units cost $1.5 million. Hall also provides armored pickup for the residents within 400 miles of the silo, which is designed to protect its inhabitants from war, terrorist attacks, disease, and many other disasters.

Amazingly, by 2012, Hall had completed construction and sold all his units. He is currently trying to develop two more silos.

3. Vivos Indiana

In a secret location near Terre Haute, Indiana, is a luxury fallout shelter built by doomsday bunker builder Vivos. The shelter is built out of a Cold War communications facility that was designed to withstand a 20 megaton blast within a few miles of the bunker. Their website says they are not near any nuclear targets.

Inside the bunker, 80 people can be housed. Amazingly, at the time of this writing, there are only 10 spots left. If you’re interested in securing your spot, as of August 2016, it will cost $50,000 per adult and $35,000 per child. The one-time cost includes enough food that all residents could live underground for a year. As for the accommodations, they are about on par with a 4-star hotel, but obviously freeze-dried and dehydrated foods have a tough time competing with resort food. However, it does have a movie theater, dining area, gym, and the condos are lavishly decorated.

Amazingly, Vivos Indiana isn’t the only project taken on by Vivos. In fact, they have a much bigger bomb shelter called…

2. Vivos Europa One

Located in the German village of Rothenstein, Vivos Europa One is one of the most secure structures in the world, and the accommodations are supposedly on par with a five star resort. Originally, the bunker was built as a weapons storage that the Soviets in the 1970s. When West and East Germany merged, Germany inherited the bunker that was built on a mountainside, and planned to store weapons there. However, when they found out they couldn’t do that without violating international treaties, they sold it in an auction. It was eventually purchased by Vivos, who set to work converting the 227,904 square-foot silo into a giant doomsday bunker.

Another unique feature is that above the bunker there is an above ground component that’s 43,906 square-feet. It consists of offices, warehouse buildings, and a train depot. Protecting the bunker is the mountain into which it’s built. There are three doors that are nuclear blast and radiation proof, and the bunker has its own private security force.

The bunker can hold up to 6,000 families and most individual condos are 2,500 square-feet. It’s also possible to build a second level, so your condo can be expanded to 5,000 square-feet. The bunker can also house a small zoo, and has room for genetic storage. For entertainment, there are pools, restaurants, theaters, and gyms. There’s no price listed on their website, but for one of the safest and swankiest fallout shelters in the world, we’re guessing you won’t be bumping into too many Philosophy majors or list writers there.

1. The Oppidum

Dubbed “The World’s Largest Private Apocalypse Shelter” by Forbes, the Oppidum is found in the mountains of the Czech Republic and is a bit different from the other shelters on this list. People who buy bunkers here can also live above ground on the massive 323,000 square estate. Should there be a reason to get into the bunker, they would go to their secret corridor, which is sealed off by a blast proof door. This allows the residents to reach safety in under a minute.

The bunker is designed for billionaires, so despite having a ton of square footage, there are only seven apartments. Residents can live up to 10 years underground. For the residents of the seven apartments, there’s a movie theater, a spa, a swimming pool, and a library.

There was no cost listed, and in order to even visit their website you need a code. Surprise, surprise, we don’t have one.


Bomb Shelter Handbook

 Surviving The Apocalypse

THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 131

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THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 131

…”The Koreans have been searching for a way to devastate the world  and we in Talibanistan were their unknowing partners; at least me, the biggest fool,”

Image result for fool artwork

Artwork by Red Dog Scott

“We want to go back with you Roy!”

“Francine will be picking you up and get you back to the ranch.”

“What about Braden and where are you going?”

“Miss Bouchette will take care of everything, you know, take you to visit Braden and stuff,” Roy reassures. “As for me, I have to see someone else in a hospital, over at Lovell. He has some information I need to hear and it can’t wait.”

Related image

Greater Okaloosa Air Force Complex (Elgin AFB)

— And he does divert to LSC, specifically Elgin AFB Hospital where Aldona Afridi is recovering from his attack. He is polishing his variety of schemes to rectify a wrong, having got the word about Roy’s imminent arrival. He is busy constructing a diagram of a laser dampening field, similar but different from the energy absorption field that the McKinneys did not have time to activate, remotely and pre-disaster.

He is finished, loaded with instructions and general information by the time Roy makes his grand entrance.

“Have you had enough action for a while, I know I have?” He shakes his ally/acquaintance’s hand and sits down to listen closely. “I have spoken with Lt. Gilbert and she gave me an abridged version of your de-briefing. Do you really think that this was the Sang-Ashi plan from the start?”

“The Koreans have been searching for a way to devastate the world ever since they conquered their southern neighbors and we in Talibanistan were their unknowing partners; at least me, the biggest fool.”

Jealousy is a cancerous emotion that spreads wildly among the evil.

“I have fashioned a schematic for you to forward to the crew of the New Mayflower, if it’s not too late.


THE RETURN TRIP

Jealousy To Wrath Road by Ernie Scott

Episode 131


page 161

 

Contents TRT

United States Invaded! – WIF Almanac

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10 Times

the United States

Was Almost Invaded

The Red Scare of the 1950s. The Japanese invasion panic of WWII. Fears of ISIS troops running amuck in our major cities… the US has long been a country worried that someone’s gonna invade it. Aliens, Commies, North Korea, you name it. Someone, somewhere, has fantasized about America being dominated by it.

 The most ironic part of all this is how unlikely it actually is. A massive nation bordered by allies to the north and south, the US is almost comically difficult to attack. In WWII the Nazis didn’t even try. The Imperial Japanese occupied a measly handful of Alaskan islands. The last time an enemy nation directly carried out a successful invasion was when the British burned down the White House in the war of 1812, and even they were eventually repulsed.

But that hasn’t stopped other powers from dreaming of marching troops over American soil. Some of the following plans were deadly serious. Some were mere fleeting ideas. One or two even actually succeeded. Terrified at the thought of the US being invaded? The following suggest you needn’t worry.

10. The Kaiser’s Crazy Pre-WWI Invasion Plan

What do you picture when you hear the words “Kaiser”, “America”, and “war” in a sentence? We’re betting it’s 1917 and images of US troops poring onto the battlefields of France as Woodrow Wilson sits in the White House. If the Kaiser had had his way, you’d be imagining something very different: the dawn of the 20th century, Theodore Roosevelt as president, and Germany launching an insane invasion of the eastern seaboard.

Nearly a decade and a half before WWI, Kaiser Wilhelm II was already planning a gigantic cross-Atlantic war. At the time, the US was backing the construction of the Panama Canal, leading Berlin to worry Germany would be excluded from Pacific trade. The Kaiser had already been toying with an invasion of America since 1897. The new canal seemed the ideal pretext to order the bombardment of Manhattan.

The plan itself was audacious. As German ships shelled Manhattan, sixty troop carriers would land on the Atlantic seaboard with orders to attack. Roosevelt would be forced to sign away the Panama Canal, or watch Washington and Boston burn. Incredibly, the invasion nearly went ahead. The order was about to be given to attack when German chief of staff, Count Alfred von Schlieffen, vetoed the plans for being completely insane.

9. Canada’s Crazy Post-WWI Invasion Plan

Yep, you read that right. Canada, the country so nice even Denmark thinks it’s soft, once planned to invade the USA. And not at some sane point, like in the aftermath of the War of 1812. This plan was mooted only three years after the countries had fought side-by-side in WWI. Known as Defense Plan No. 1, it was borderline insane.

The rationale for making a plan was, incredibly, Canadian fears the US would invade first if they didn’t. Rather than sitting around waiting to be annexed, Ottawa figured they should attack first. The problem was the US army was clearly better trained, better equipped, and much bigger than the Canadian one. So Lt.-Col. James “Buster” Sutherland Brown drew up an attack plan that avoided having the Canadian army fight at all costs.

Instead, Canadian troops would launch lightning strikes on northern American cities, occupying Maine, destroying Detroit and the Twin Cities, and burning Seattle and Portland. They’d then retreat as the US army mobilized, pausing only to blow up bridges. Once safely back in Canada, they’d scream “look you guys, America is attacking!” and sit back while Britain mobilized the Empire’s troops to save them.

Not surprisingly, everyone thought this was the dumbest thing they’d ever heard. Buster’s successor ordered all copies of the crazy plan burned.

8. The Nazi Plan to Bomb New York

For about half a century, successive German regimes were fixated on bombing New York City. After the Kaiser’s wacko plan above was shelved, Adolf Hitler took up the mantle. And, boy, was he serious about it. According to Albert Speer, Hitler was obsessed by the idea of New York in flames. From 1937 onwards, at least part of the Nazi war machine was consistently looking for ways of attacking the Empire State.

Their first plan was to develop a long-range bomber that could fly to America and back from occupied France without having to refuel. Known as the “Amerika” aircraft, it would do to NYC what the Blitz did to London. While the Nazis eventually managed to develop planes that could nearly fly 10,000 kilometers on a single tank, they didn’t quite hit the 11,800 kilometers needed to make bombing NYC viable. So they switched to rockets. As V2 rockets crashed down on London, the Nazis began construction of an “Amerika rocket” that would’ve crashed into New York at supersonic speeds, killing hundreds.

The scariest part is how close some of these projects got to completion. The Amerika rocket was almost ready at the war’s end. Had the Nazi state held out just a few months longer, it seems likely that Hitler would’ve realized his dream of seeing Manhattan on fire.

7. Japan’s Plan to Annex Hawaii

The bombing of Pearl Harbor remains one of the biggest losses of American life in a single action. So imagine how much worse it could have been if Japan had followed it up with an invasion of Hawaii. Back in 1941 it was a terrifying possibility. Had one faction of the Japanese Imperial army had their way, it might even have become reality.

The idea came from Isoroku Yamamoto, the Japanese naval strategist who orchestrated the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Yamamoto was convinced the US was significantly stronger than Japan and that a massive, early propaganda victory would be needed to shake American morale. With an invasion of the US mainland out of the question, it stood to reason that Hawaii was the only sensible target. Yamamoto’s plan called for the Japanese to follow up Pearl Harbor with an invasion of the island, securing a quick Japanese victory.

Given the way the US public freaked when Japan occupied a few lumps of rock off the coast of Alaska, it’s fair to say Hawaii being annexed would probably have sent the county nuts. In the end, though, Yamamoto’s superiors disagreed. Pearl Harbor was bombed, but Hawaii itself spared.

6. Pancho Villa’s Successful “Mexican Invasion”

There are very few people who aren’t dead, 19th century Brits who can say they successfully invaded the US and burned an entire town. Pancho Villa is one of those people. A Mexican Revolutionary leader, he started life as America’s golden boy in the huge unrest happening south of the border. But then the government of Woodrow Wilson switched support to his rival, Venustiano Carranza, and threw Villa under the bus. Villa responded by unleashing hell on any American who crossed his path.

First, he managed to kidnap 18 Americans inside Mexico and had them all slaughtered. But his crowning achievement came on March 9, 1916. Followed by a band of 1,500 guerillas, Villa crossed the border onto US soil. His troops surrounded the small town of Columbus, New Mexico. A few hours later, the citizens were dead, and Columbus itself was in flames.

It marked the last time in US history that a town on American soil was laid siege to and destroyed by foreign attackers. The US responded by invading Mexico, supported by Carranza’s government. Although the carnage they caused was enough to dissuade Villa from ever attacking America again, they were unable to capture the rebel leader. Villa wouldn’t be assassinated until 1923.

5. Japan Partially-Occupies Alaska

Although Pancho Villa’s ‘invasion’ of New Mexico would be more dramatic, it was the Japanese occupation of Attu and Kiska that really scared the public. That’s because both are part of the island chain that makes up the far-western fringe of Alaska. And while Alaska wasn’t yet a state in 1942, it was an American territory. In the same way that we’d freak out about a hostile force occupying Puerto Rico today, Americans of the time went loopy at Attu and Kiska’s annexation.

After Pearl Harbor, it was probably the biggest psychological blow of the entire war. The public fretted the Japanese army would proceed along the Aleutian chain until they conquered Alaska proper. Only a few months before, the Battle of Los Angeles had seen antiaircraft guns pepper the LA sky when someone thought they saw a Japanese plane, and now the Imperial army was making a real move on America.

Yet nothing like what the press and public feared ever came to pass. Japan had neither the resources or the inclination to occupy the whole of Alaska. In fact, some historians think they only grabbed Attu and Kiska to distract US attention from their attack on Midway Island. Whatever the truth, the occupation only lasted 14 months before the US retook the islands.

4. The Kaiser’s Plan to Have Mexico Invade Texas

Despite his reputation as a fearsome warmonger, Kaiser Wilhelm sometimes seems more like a supervillain from a cruddy Saturday morning kids’ show. He even had a knack for coming up with the sort of easily-defeated plans Skeletor would be embarrassed by. Chief among those was the time he tried to convince Mexico to launch an unprovoked invasion on Texas.

It was January 1917, and the US was a mere four months away from joining WWI. Rather than do everything in his power to keep the Americans out, the Kaiser had foreign secretary Arthur Zimmermann telegram the German ambassador to Mexico, instructing him to make Mexico an offer they could almost certainly refuse. With German financial and military backing, the Mexicans would invade America, while also trying to convince the Japanese to join in the war. In return, Mexico would be able to reclaim territory recently taken by Texas.

For a plan that relied a whole lot on Mexico taking arms against the US, it failed to recognize that there were literally no scenarios where Mexico could defeat the American military. On top of this, the British managed to intercept and decode the Zimmerman Telegram and make its contents public. Mexico wisely decided to keep out of the war. The US, meanwhile, decided to join in, achieving the exact opposite of what the Kaiser had hoped for.

3. Britain and France Almost Join the Civil War

In the early days of the Civil War, the Confederacy really believed it could get the European powers on its side. The South was the main exporter of cotton to the continent. European countries, it was believed, would all rather recognize the Confederacy than face a cotton shortage. In the end, Britain and France nearly did join in the war… but not due to any cleverness on the South’s part. Instead, they almost attacked the Union over a badly-bungled Yankee mission to arrest two Confederate diplomats.

At the time, the diplomats were traveling on the British ship Trent to drum up European support for their cause. The North seized the ship, arrested the two Confederate men, and then let the Trent continue on her way. Unfortunately, holding a neutral ship up was in violation of international law. When the British found out, they hit the roof.

London immediately began drawing up plans for war, including an attack from Canada and a bombardment of the Union ships blockading Confederate ports. At the same time, France announced it would back Britain in any conflict with America, raising the insane possibility of the US Civil War spilling over into WWI’s unnecessary prequel.

Ultimately, the Union apologized to Britain and let the arrested men free. The UK and France backed off, and the prospect of a Confederacy with powerful friends never materialized.

2. Japan Successfully Occupies Guam

A small island in the Pacific, Guam was taken from the Spanish during the Spanish-American War and has been classified as an unincorporated US territory ever since. In WWII, it was also the site of Japan’s most successful invasion of American territory. Hours after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the Imperial Army seized the island. What followed was a thirty month horror show of rape, forced labor, murder and torture.

The occupation of Guam was the closest the Japanese got to interring American citizens en masse and it shows just how lucky we are that they never got any closer. Chamorros (Guam natives) were beheaded, worked to death, and forced into concentration camps in the heart of the jungle. They were beaten, their women raped, and their children mutilated. Then the American navy attacked to retake the territory, and the shelling killed even more Chamorros.

Eventually, on August 8 1944, US forces succeeded in liberating Guam. It marked the end of Imperial Japan’s hopes of invading and occupying America.

1. The Confederacy Nearly Takes Washington, DC

We mentioned earlier that no enemy nation has successfully invaded the American mainland since the British burned the White House. Depending on how you define a nation, the Brits might have almost had some company. In 1864, as the Civil War was drawing to a close, Confederate troops under Jubal Early nearly pulled off an impossible trick. They came within a hair’s width of successfully invading and destroying Washington, DC.

It’s impossible now to imagine how this could’ve affected our perceptions of the war. The destruction of the Federal capital at the hands of Southern rebels would’ve thrown the entire Yankee force into disarray. And it nearly happened by accident. Early just happened to march near Washington at a time when Union defenses were stretched so thin his army could break through. So he rallied his troops, and nearly pulled off the impossible.

We say ‘nearly’ because one factor stood in his way: his men were just too dang tired. After relentless days of marching in the middle of a suffocating heatwave, they simply couldn’t move fast enough. To Early’s dismay, his men weren’t up to the job. Washington was saved.


United States Invaded!

– WIF Almanac