Not Chuck Norris’ Texas Rangers – WIF Into History

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Exciting Adventures

(and Sometimes Dark)

of the Texas Rangers

Older than Texas’s status as one of the United States of America, the humble beginning of the Texas Rangers was when Stephen F. Austin formed a militia of 10 men in 1823 because he didn’t think Mexican militias were sufficient protection from Native American raids. Today there are 166 rangers and 68 support members. They’re such a beloved organization that there are state statutes barring them from being disbanded. Whole television shows and movies, such as 2019’s The Highwaymen, have been devoted to singing their praises.

It has been an incredibly active unit, and still is. In 2018 alone the Rangers launched 2,726 investigations that resulted in 504 convictions and 758 confessions. Let’s have a look at some of the most significant incidents from that long and storied record.

10. Mexican-American War Heroes

The Texas Rangers rode into the national spotlight in 1847, during the Mexican-American War. In late February, Zachary Taylor led an army of roughly 5,000 near Monterrey, Mexico. Counts vary on how many troops were in the Mexican army under Santa Anna, but at a minimum the Americans were outnumbered three to one. They also were in unfamiliar territory, and as Mexican army closed in, the American army was situated on the plains of Agua Nueva, which would have been exactly where a larger army full of cavalry like Santa Anna’s would have wanted them.

Fortunately for the Americans, Rangers under Henry McCullough were acting as scouts. On February 21 they reported the close proximity and overwhelming force of the Mexican army to Taylor, who promptly withdrew to the hills of Buena Vista. The high ground massively improved the effectiveness of Taylor’s artillery, and allowed the Americans to win a surprise — if costly — victory, which was vital to winning him the presidency in 1849 (although he’d die just over a year into his term). Taylor singled out the scouting by McCullough in his report and made the Rangers so acclaimed that Winfield Scott, who’d be the commanding general of all Union armies at the beginning of the American Civil War, specifically requested that they be transferred to his army.

9. Little Robe Creek

The dozen or so tribes of the Comanche Empire that spanned through Texas, New Mexico, Oklahoma to Kansas have been chronicled before, but this will be the first time we mention their most notable clash with the Texas Rangers. In 1858, 100 Texas Rangers crossed the Red River into enemy territory in reprisal for horse raids. They had with them a roughly equal number of Native American allies from the Brazos Reservation. The fact their target community had roughly 600 natives in it meant that John S. Ford turned to deception for his attack, and thus had the native allies approach first without making their intent clear. That drew the Comanche’s attention while the Rangers moved in for an undetected attack.

Little Robe Creek was less a battle than a massacre, as when they charged the Rangers were running into villagers instead of warriors. Ford would report that he killed about 72 Comanches, including Chief Iron Jacket (so named because he wore old Conquistador armor), while only two Rangers were killed in the attack. It would turn out none of the horses that the tribe had were among the contraband mounts, so it was very likely an attack on an innocent community. Nevertheless, the attack was considered a sign in the United States that the Comanche were vulnerable to encroachment, and the Empire’s days were numbered.

8. Round Rock Robbery

About 20 years after their attack on the Comanche, the Rangers performed one of their most high profile pieces of law enforcement, especially for the early period. In 1878, the Rangers received a telegram from a gang informant that they were going to Round Rock to rob the bank. The event took on particular regional stakes because the gang was led by Sam Bass, a train robber of such a high profile that an estimated 200 books were written about his life and crimes. Even with a gang of only four, including the informant, Bass’s gang was considered especially formidable.

Two Rangers were immediately dispatched to Round Rock, but Bass’s gang got there first. They were unable to get word to local law enforcement, so it was only by nasty luck that Deputy Sheriff Grimes happened to be near the Round Rock bank, saw that Bass was carrying one more firearm that town ordinances permitted, and was shot immediately while trying to confiscate it. A prolonged shootout broke out, and it wasn’t until the Rangers arrived that Bass’s gang was driven out of town, with Bass being mortally wounded. Thus did the legendary law enforcers end another legend.

7. Battle of Tres Jacales

On June 29, 1893, Company D under Frank Jones of the Rangers was dispatched to Tres Jacales, an island community near San Elizario. In a mounted chase, they pursued suspected livestock smugglers into a settlement of four adobe buildings. Jones, whose wedding was only a few days before, approached the outlaws to demand their surrender. Instead, he was shot dead.

Rather than the Rangers coming to the rescue, this time they were bolstered by an  armed citizen force that raised their numbers to roughly 100 soldiers. The subsequent fighting was described by Ranger Corporal Kirchener as “his narrowest escape.” Although the Rangers triumphed in the end, it set the tone for many years along the border.

6. Porvenir Massacre

According to Ranger Captain J. M. Fox, on January 28, 1918, a force of Rangers, regular US Cavalry, and civilian ranchers rode into the farming community of Porvenir and were ambushed by some murderers that had taken part in a raid of a nearby ranch in December 1917. They were able to overcome the attackers and kill 15 of them. They then didn’t feel the need to report the incident for a few weeks.

In October 2019, the other side of the story came out on PBS. According to Harry Warren, the schoolmaster for the 140 person town and the son-in-law of one of the people killed on that day, the deaths were murders, to an extent that none of the victims had even been armed. Other accounts, such as those by the Flores family, collaborated his written account and pointed out how the way the Rangers described some of the people they’d shot was completely inaccurate. By this account it seems the only real reason that the killings took place was that the victims were of Mexican descent.

5. The Borger Raid

As impossible as this may be to imagine now, the 1920 prohibition of alcohol in America under the 14th Amendment and the subsequent Volstead Act were especially amenable to the state government of Texas. Counties in Texas had been banning hard alcohol since the 1870s, and by 1908, more than 60% of all Texas counties had banned it completely. Still, Prohibition is notorious for the raucous corruption it caused, which the Rangers naturally had to put down. In April 1927, the oil boom town of Borger in particular drew the organization’s eye, and Frank Hamer, the officer who later put an end to Bonnie and Clyde, was dispatched with seven officers to clean up the town.

The results were so extreme they were comical. For example, more than 200 slot machines were destroyed in raids. The mayor, the city commissioners, and almost the entire police force, including the chief, were compelled to resign. But most of all, in one day, supposedly 1,200 prostitutes were driven from the town, which sounds like so many that it must have massively disrupted the local economy. Borger remained so committed to vice that it wasn’t until February 1929 that the Rangers left the town.

4. Amy McNeil

Wealthy banker Don McNeil’s daughter Amy was walking to school on January 11, 1985 when a group of four men and one woman swooped in and kidnapped her. They issued a $100,000 ransom demand and told McNeil where to go for a subsequent phone call, the location also intended to be the rendezvous point where they would exchange the prisoner for the money. McNeil reported the kidnapping and received an escort of Rangers. McNeil’s limousine stalled on the way, but luckily, the kidnappers happened to drive by and Amy McNeil was spotted in the vehicle. This began a chase that lasted nearly 48 hours, went through three counties, and about 600 miles. According to the Chicago Tribune, it also involved the perpetrators firing shotguns out the car windows while fleeing.

Finally, at 4:30 a.m. on January 13, the chase came to an end. In a standoff, Ranger John Dendy rushed the kidnappers and successfully retrieved the abducted 13-year-old. Two of the kidnappers were wounded in the process, but Amy McNeil was uninjured — a satisfying capper to one of the most dramatic high speed pursuits in law enforcement history.

3. Headbutting the FBI

The 1993 Waco Standoff that resulted in the destruction of the Branch Davidian Church under David Koresh was one of the most controversial, emotionally charged events of the 1990s. There have been theatrically distributed documentaries such as the 1997 film Waco: Rules of Engagement devoted to how the situation was handled. But as far as the Texas Rangers were concerned, even while it was in progress, they were open about their belief that the incident was a farcical failure on the FBI’s part.

On April 7, 1993 — 39 days into the siege that would ultimately last 51 — the Baltimore Sun reported that the FBI’s use of armored vehicles meant that they crushed rooms containing evidence that the Rangers would need for making a case against the church in the investigation of the murders of four ATF agents. Additionally, FBI negotiators also gave away to the cult pieces of evidence that law enforcement would need for their later case and which the cult set about destroying. When the situation ended in flames 12 days later, presumably the Rangers were unsurprised.

2. Ralph McLaren Standoff

Before the decade was out, the Rangers were involved in another high profile standoff with another deeply unstable man. In 1980, Ralph McLaren began issuing property liens in Dallas that added up to $1.8 billion in fraudulent claims. By the ’90s, he had begun to claim that by legal technicality Texas had never formally joined the US and declared himself the Republic’s leader. He gathered together four people that were also willing to be citizens of the Republic at the Davis Mountains Resort. The situation became really serious when the Republic took Joe and Margart Ann Rowe hostage in response to one in their ranks being jailed.

The hostage situation dragged out for over a week and involved 300 officers and Rangers. The hostages were freed in exchange for the release of the jailed comrade. In one of the cannier moves that ended the standoff much less violently than Waco, Ranger Captain Barry Caver signed a cease-fire document for the Republic of Texas, therefore recognizing the group as an independent nation. McLaren ended up being sentenced to 99 years in prison while his second in command got a 50-year sentence.

1. Suspect Provided Equipment

Despite their high profile and success rate, the Texas Rangers have a history of funding problems. It was especially bad in the 19th Century, and in the 1920s at one point the Ranger management admitted they couldn’t even get enough funding to cover their medical bills. It’s seemed to continue into the 21st Century, so the Rangers have apparently had to turn to some unorthodox methods of procuring resources.

Most significantly, in November 2018, the Rangers busted a driver in Donley County hauling nearly three tons of marijuana and THC. Chapter 59 of Texas Code meant that the Rangers could sell off the vehicle at auction. However, short on funds and with a large area to patrol, by May 2019 the Rangers had converted the vehicle into a mobile command center. It had, after all, been converted with enough technology that it was valued at $270,000. Thus did the Rangers oversee one of the most cost-effective times that criminals gave back to the community.


Not Chuck Norris’ Texas Rangers

WIF Into History

THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 10

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THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 10

…Fredrick C. Cabell was Human Resources to the civilian employees for the entire Colony project. “He is as mild-mannered as they come and you are treating this like a crime scene?”…

“You two are not the bearer of good news I gather?” Roy speaks to the coroner and the lawman.

“I was called here by the Sheriff, who was called by someone here at the Lovell Space Center, who found an unconscious employee, who called the doctor,” Coroner Franco points to his left.

“Me,” admits the MedLab’s Mission Physician, Miles Scheffeldink, the third man in. “No one knew where you were.”

“Don’t beat around the bush, Miles… who is it?”

The Coroner unzips the body bag to show the dead man’s face.

“Fred Cabell? Damn!” Fredrick C. Cabell was Human Resources to the civilian employees for the entire Colony project. “He is as mild-mannered as they come and you are treating this like a crime scene?”

“That is why deputy Judge called me over, to determine whether he died of natural causes… or not.” It must be the nature of the beast, because this doctor of the dead is about business and business only, hardened by the general morbidity of his profession.

“I don’t have anything to add here, except that this man is irreplaceable to us. He was like a father to everyone at Lovell, knew our children, and was there when we first stepped on these grounds. If I couldn’t remember something, I’d go to Fred.”

“Even if we could have resuscitated him, and we could not, his brain would have been of no use to him or Image result for cerebral hemorrhageanyone; he died of massive cerebral hemorrhages, several, rapid,” Dr. Sheffeldink of LSC laments.

“Fred had his yearly physical the same day I did—two weeks ago. He did tell me you did a Digital Image of his head and now this?”

“He was 85 years old Mr. Crippen, a brain scan is standard for a man his age,” LSC’s {Lovell Space Center} mission physician explained. “We checking for signs of concussion or Alzheimer’s, you know how nosy doctors are.”

lie_about_age“85, as in four score and five? That rascal has been scamming us all along, said that he wouldn’t reach mandatory retirement of 80 for another 5 years. 75 years old my ass! But of course, he controlled all the records!”

“85 or not, he was fit as an electronic fiddle; blood pressure, serum cholesterol, brain wave, stress factor aptitude, not so much as an irregular heartbeat . I wish I were as healthy,” the attending doctor admits. “What was he doing when he died, you may ask? He was having a cup of coffee in his living quarters here, getting ready to start his day at 4 o’clock AM. That is when I determined T.O.D.”

“TOD?” Crip wonders aloud.

“Time of death,” stated as a matter of fact. “He was entering some notes into his database handheld when the seizure stopped him cold.”

“Can I see that thing? Maybe there are some signs of him starting to fail.” asks the Mission Director.

“Do not have it. The security man, who found him, said he had taken care of it.”

“Why was security in Fred’s quarters? How did he know there was something wrong with Fred?” Things aren’t adding up. “As far as I know, no one has ever been inside his room; he was that reclusive in his off-time.”

“Yes indeed, reclusive and disorganized, judging by the mess.” Dr. Sheffeldink was embarrassed about walking into the privacy of a man’s personal space. “The question is, what was he imputing and what caused the hemorrhages.”

“I am going to need some answers Mr. Coroner. Mr. Sheriff, I would like to keep this in house, no public pronouncement,” orders given by a visibly shaken administrator. “Good day gentlemen.”

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The mortician is off to do the autopsy, the sheriff to keep this part of the Panhandle safe and the security guard is nowhere to be found.

To Dr. Sheffeldink he orders, “We’ll be treating Fred’s death as ‘natural causes’. And to be honest Doctor, I am knee-deep in getting 50 more people to Mars; no time to deal with an official investigation.

“Please notify his relatives, if he has some, his wife-ex-wife whomever. It will be on a need-to-know basis only.” Fredrick Cabell knew everything about everybody. But nobody knew anything about him.

Roy was hoping for tranquility around Colony Control, as the most important moments of manned spaceflight are taking place. But that is being replaced by early onset damaged control.


THE RETURN TRIP

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Episode 10


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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #325

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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #325

…He continues to sit on the Sheriff Joyce’s covert sex-life for all these years, but that’s not the best part – it turns out that this diddly-do continues to this day…

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“Now, tell me about that Joyce fellow, Lyn.” Robert Ford needs to know enough of the facts, to be of able support. He trusts Carolyn implicitly, not knowing her to bother with things she cannot influence, with an accent on success.

“Winthrop Joyce… Sheriff Joyce now, has been holding onto a potentially blockbuster secret.” Lyn sheriff-001Hanes knows of what she knows.

“What, did he beat a confession out of some totally innocent black man? Do you have proof about one of his cases, something that would bring him down?”

“No, I don’t know of his police work, at least nothing that would help us here. I bet that he has a spotless record, otherwise how could he have been elected Leon County Sheriff?”

   Folks in the South cherish and revere their law enforcement. Would you want one of those heavily medaled uniformed types walking up to you saying, ‘Boy, you ain’t been stealin’ watermelons from farmer Jones’ field, have ya?’ That may get you thirty days on a chain gang.

“County Sheriff is an elected position?”

“Why Robert Ford! I thought you knew all things uniformed –military or cop.”  She loves to keep her husband humble. What she has to say next would be of great interest to State, County, or local officials alike. “There was a time, before the war, really before the Depression, that then Sergeant Joyce enjoyed his visits to the county jail.”

“Okay, he loved being a policeman, what’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing wrong with liking your job, but taking personal interest in inmates is.”

“What do you mean by personal?”

draw-me-a-story   “Like you are personal with me,” Index and middle fingers on both her hands are raised, implying closed quotes.

“Ohhhh…&?*&%$#@!

“I wouldn’t say it quite like, &?*&%$#@, but I think you get the picture, Kodak.”

   “Wow, that is intriguing, but how can you prove something like that? Isn’t the evidence trail a bit cold?”

“Normally it would, yes, excepting that head jailer is still the head jailer and the head jailer is my cousin. He continues to sit on the Sheriff’s covert sex-life for all these years, but that’s not the best part. It turns out that this diddly-do continues to this day.

“Why did your cousin bother to tell you, Lyn? Oh, I get it. He knew about you and Sara didn’t he?”

“Before I came to my senses, yes, Curt knew and he is very good at keeping secrets.” Carolyn still blushes, when the subject of her and Sara together comes up. Cousin Curt is retiring this year and he told me that he would love to blab about now. His pension is vested and cannot be revoked by the Sheriff.”


Alpha Omega M.D.

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Episode #325


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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #310

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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #310

…They’ve been after what we got for years, given up by now I ‘spect, seein’ they got the other Negro doctors to turn they backs on my hospital…

LBMHLettie goes to the back storage rooms and basically spends the ensuing half-hour praying, pretending like she was having difficulty. She tries the patience of the men in the lobby.appointment-book-001

          “Do you need help? I know a little about filing.” Essington will do anything to get his hands on the evidence. “What’s in that box?” He turns it around to see 1952 written on the side.

          “Well I’ll be switched! I’ve gone by that box a hunred times.”

          The book in question is not on top, but not on the bottom either. If he would have sniffed January 24, the smell of a fresh pink eraser lingers, as well as the warmth of brand-new fingerprints hidden from the human eye.

          “This is it, officer. We can go.”

          Lettie Golden has done her job.

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Sinclair Clavitt is doing his, laying out the facts and ramifications of consistently breaking the law. “You white-onlyare going to have to stop these abortions. They are going to watch you like a hungry gator watches a bullfrog.
And you will not treat white folk without havin’ a white wing in that hospital of yours. They have been lookin’ the other way, I swear, but with this flap about the Sanders girl, that will stop. I know enough about your, well, for the lack of another word, enemies, that if they smell blood, your blood, you best check your back.”

They’ve been after what we got for years, given up by now I ‘spect, seein’ they got the other Negro doctors to turn they backs on my hospital.

“That might be true, about some, but some others that you actually trust, may be quietly working against you.”

“What you talkin’ about?”

“Have you seen your son-in-law lately?”

“You mean, Franklin, no? But Laura says he’s been really busy.”

“Word has it that he’s been selling off your property.”

“We’ve got to pay some back taxes, not to mention you and Mr. Moore, keepin’ you busy too.”

“If you’re working at keepin’ us busy, now’s a good time to stop,” sound advice from Sinclair Clavitt. He has taken to the 65-year-old, doing his level best to make the doctor’s last years golden. His senior partner, R. Worth Moore, specializes in courtroom action, leaving the foot-soldierly duties to the younger man. But a day like today, he could do without. “Okay, Alpha, I’m going to trust you on this. You know what’s at stake. Just make sure you look both ways when crossing the street.”

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Alpha Omega M.D.

Episode #310


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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #309

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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode # 309

… “We have a warrant to search the premises, nurse.” One of Tallahassee’s finest is in the company of Attorney Jordan Essington of Jacksonville…

Reliable Lettie Golden is working at LBMH this day and needs no prompting in locating the ledger book appointment-book2from two years ago. She was not working that evening in question, but she did book the appointment. She is able to go directly to the right page. “Here it is Mr. Clavitt… Sanders.”

“Good work, Lettie. Now do you see why it is a good idea using a pencil instead of a pen to take down names?” He removes Missy Sanders from the 7:00 p.m. space with a clean eraser. A clean fresh eraser is the key, leaving behind nary a trace of graphite. The lone entry for the evening is the admission of Edwina Stevens, the one of broken ankle fame; must have taken all night to set it proper. That’s going to be their story and they’ll stick to it.

“We are going to change the rules here,” the lawyer continues, “and I want you to promise me that you’ll stick to them. But let’s get over to George’s Store to talk this out. I’d rather you weren’t here A.O., in case the police show up. Lettie? Put that book away like no one has seen it since it was filed.”search-warrant-001

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“We have a warrant to search the premises, nurse.” One of Tallahassee’s finest is in the company of Attorney Jordan Essington of Jacksonville. They expect to encounter some resistance, perhaps in the form of foot dragging or pleading of ignorance. Neither is present here at LBMH.

Lettie is a God-fearing woman, not well versed in lying or covering up, but she would perjure herself if and when the doctor’s career was on the line. She is polite, while trying not to look as if she were expecting them. “Yes, officer, what can I do for you?”

“We need to have Doctor Campbell’s appointment book from 1952, specifically January 24.” Fifteen minutes earlier, they would have found what they were expecting to find.

“This is 1954, sir. I don’t rightly recall where it is, but I’ll do my best to find it. I ain’t the head nurse, but I knows a few places where it might be.”

“Do your best and I’m sure you will find it.”

  Lettie goes to the back storage rooms and basically spends the ensuing half-hour praying, pretending like she was having difficulty. She tries the patience of the men in the lobby.


Alpha Omega M.D.

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Episode # 309


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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #231

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Alpha Omega M.D. – Episode #231

…“Has the entire world gone mad?” There is no stopping this Renaissance caveman…

World Gone Mad

“Someone is going to pay for this… that Paul broad, yeah, I’ll walk her to the station if I have to!”

So he bravely enters the rotunda, but this time he is recognized and they do not allow him to pass. The guards, already in place at the state run institution, are merely listening to Alice Paul, nary viewing her as any threat to society, leaving her to complete her forum. But not Sam Schuster, damn it; she is embarrassing him at every turn and he is out his police car! He has to walk back to the TPD station, to retrieve backup, to capture that evil riotous creature that is polluting the minds of previously content women of his city.

Besides being out of breath when he gets there, he receives little support when does. ‘We have to go home in an hour and we want to sleep in our own beds,’ is what he hears from his younger, married charges. There is but one single man on duty, and guess what–his girlfriend is at the rally, ‘I am ‘bout ready to ask that girl to marry me and you want me to arrest aSuffrage Part One-001 woman like Alice Paul. Jeez, she is a national celebrity.’

“Has the entire world gone mad?” There is no stopping this Renaissance caveman. “I’ll put all of you on report for insubordination,” he says, as he grabs the only available police car to return to the capitol rotunda, where he finds his suspect glad handing her supporters. “You are under arrest for,” he lists, “inciting a riot, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest, assaulting an officer of the law, violating the public meeting law, and causing the property of the city of Tallahassee to be stolen.” The last of his “charges” sum up their validity, but he follows through with the seizure regardless.

Alice Paul spends all of an hour behind bars, with bail raised by no less than 50 women and even a handful of men who come forward at the urging of their spouses.

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“Your honor, I would ask the court to dismiss the charges against my client,” pleads attorney Ferrell on behalf of the 34 year old woman seated beside him, having returned to Florida to face the court. “No crime has been committed, with the possible exception of upsetting the apple cart.


Alpha Omega M.D.

Something Upset the Applecart from Wayne Huebner

Episode #231


page 216

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 175

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 175

…After a stop at THE newest cop-spot in town, hands their partially pulverized passenger his wallet, with most of his money in it…

“We was only susposed to rough him up good, Neal,” is the fleeing mugger’s lament.

The other cop in pursuit, who looks like he spends half of his shift at the donut shop, gives up the chase, in order to catch his breath and pick up the loose items. Some of the money magically disappears into his pocket.

He walks unsteadily back to his partner, who has summoned a paddy wagon for the offender in hand and an ambulance for hospital transport; but the medics merely serve as a mobile emergency room, attending to a few scratches and a bruised ego. “Can you guys give me a lift to 6137 Kimbark,” is all Worth Moore asks of the police.

After a stop at THE newest cop-spot in town, Dunkin’ Donuts, the officer with the bigger sack of baked confection, hands their partially pulverized passenger his wallet, with most of his money in it, plus, “I don’t know if this means anything toFM Biz-001 you.”

“Forever Mastadon, 5046 South Greenwood… so much for a random attack,” Worth realizes that because of his association with CCPI, he is now a prime target for revenge action. He hands the card back, “This was no accident. When you question the thug you did catch, try to get to the bottom of this so-called business.”

“5046 is off limits to us… now,” stated like a good soldier.Greenwood-001

“What do you mean off limits? There is awfully suspicious activity coming from that house and you are telling me that you cannot complete an investigation?”

“After an incident a week or so back, we must have pissed someone off, because all of a sudden it is on our blacklist and that comes right from the top. Hey I was there and it was plain freaky.”Libby Affair-001

Moore has first hand information of what went down that day, so traveling further down that road is unnecessary, but a top-down directive usually means some sort of cover up. Suffice it to be said, that the scope of this Libby Affair is without definable limits.


Constance Caraway P.I.

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Forever Mastadon


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A.I.-Proof Vocations – WIF Jobs

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Jobs That

Artificial Intelligence

Can’t Take Away

Let’s face it. Pretty soon, robots will take over the world, and humanity will become a distant memory. The good news is, by the time technology catches up to The Terminator, we will already be dead.

Artificial Intelligence is invading human territory to take our jobs away, but these robots are going to have a hard time getting everything right. Here are 10 jobs that A.I. can’t take away from humans… at least, not yet.

10. Authors

When you think about it, writing is just rearranging words that already exist. So, A.I. should be able to figure out patterns in language to make their own stories. And, they have! Well, sort of. One Game of Thrones fan and professional programmer named Zack Thoutt was sick and tired of waiting for George R.R. Martin to write his next book, The Winds of Winter. So he decided to create an artificial intelligence software to write it for him.

Just to give you a taste of the results, here is a quote:

“This dragon does not say we had four of a band, or no men or rats and two singers, the great pack of men and the winged trees.”

Maybe that story would make sense after a few glasses of wine, but it’s not likely that a robot will publish a New York Times bestseller any time soon.

9. Fashion Designers and Tailors

Unless you’re a fashion designer, most people in the western world don’t bother learning how to sew clothes anymore. The majority of the clothing in the world is made by people living in Third World countries like Bangladesh, where their working conditions are appalling. However, these people need those jobs to survive. Without the clothing industry, there aren’t enough jobs to replace them, so many of these people would starve to death.

So, who would ever want to risk ruining the lives of millions? Well, there’s Dov Charney. In case you weren’t aware, he founded American Apparel. He was kicked out of his own company because multiple employees came forward with sexual harassment accusations. Charney denies this, but the mattress in his office says otherwise.

He decided to start a new company called Los Angeles Apparel, where he is still employing American seamstresses and tailors. However, his loyalty to his employees seems rather shallow, because he would clearly rather be alone counting his money in a factory with a robot invented by Steve Dickerson called “SoftWEAR”. This robot is learning how to sew clothes. The only snag is, robots don’t have a human sense of touch. They are great at sewing straight lines, but they can?t anticipate when fabric moves or wrinkles. For now, Charney’s plot to ruin even more lives has been foiled.

8. Psychologist

One thing that artificial intelligence is truly terrible at is showing empathy. Since it has never been a human, how can it understand our emotions? Chatbots can?t pass the Turing Test, which means they can’t communicate on the same level of a human conversation.

Alexa and Siri can’t even understand our search requests half the time. Do we really want them to give us advice about our traumatic childhood memories from the third grade? We certainly don?t think so. Besides, therapists need to pay off their crippling student loan debt somehow, and not everyone can be a weirdly successful radio therapist.

7. Doctors

Artificial Intelligence is beginning to break into the medical field. In the future, we’ll be able to get a simple diagnosis by taking a photo on your smartphone. A.I. will run through a database of photographs and compare with yours to see if there’s a match.

There are already programs that exist that can check for skin cancer on that mole you’ve been meaning to get checked out, and another that will look for diabetic eye disease. Heart monitoring watches already have the ability to check for an irregular heartbeat, as well. As time goes on, more and more medical issues can be diagnosed at home.

However, that doesn’t mean A.I. will be taking the place of real doctors. With robots, there is no such thing as bedside manner. Can you really imagine a world where a soulless chunk of metal tells you that you’re dying in six months, with absolutely no empathy? People will always need a human to communicate with about their body, and there needs to be a sense of accountability, in case something goes wrong. After all, if you’re in surgery and things go awry, you need a surgeon who can improvise, not an oversized computer who lacks any semblance of adaptability.

6. Musicians

Artificial Intelligence has been able to create its own music, from Irish folk songs to marimba, and it’s actually quite good. In Japan, a fictional video game android called Hatsune Miku is so popular that she already sells out her own concerts.

But don’t worry. There?s no way A.I. can kill “Lisztomania”‘, which is the phenomenon fans feel towards their favorite musicians. Robots will probably never replace dreamy photos tacked on bedroom walls of little girls everywhere, which means that pop stars are safe, at least for now.

5. Police Officers

You may have seen security guard robots by Knightscope patrolling malls, but their usefulness is questionable, at best. The inventors compare it to a police car parked on the side of the road. If people know they are being watched, they are more likely to behave. Some may see these walking trash cans and believe that Robocop is the next step in technological law enforcement. In reality, humans truly don’t want artificial intelligence in charge of arresting people.

At Shanghai Jiao Tong University, a program was created that uses facial recognition to determine if someone is a criminal or not. They judge features like scars, facial expression, and even the curve of someone’s lip. If you have ever seen Minority Report, you know that this won?t end well. The program has already received a lot of backlash, because obviously, people can?t help if they were just born with a jacked up face.

4. Judges

The European Court of Human Rights gets so many complaints sent to them on a daily basis, it’s not possible to try all of the cases in court. In 2015, the University College London came up with an algorithm that was able to predict a cases’ outcome correctly 79% of the time, which helped them cut down on human work hours sorting through paperwork to find winning cases.

But that doesn’t mean a robot can sit in place of a judge. Human empathy has a lot to do with the outcome of a case. For example, an impoverished mother stealing a loaf of bread would probably be let off with a lesser sentence than someone robbing a bank. Well, unless Javert is on the case, of course. As we just mentioned in the last entry, A.I. also has a nasty habit of being incredibly biased when it comes to facial recognition. Without a 100% accuracy rate, someone would likely end up in jail when they’re actually innocent. Um, y’know, because that never happens with human judges, of course…

3. Art Teachers

Art is an incredibly important part of human history and culture. Even if you were the type of student who fell asleep during art class and wondered why your tuition dollars were being wasted on information you’ll never need to know in your future career, we think we can all agree that we definitely don’t want art education to fall into the hands of a robot.

Thankfully, robotic arms only have the artistic abilities of a 4-year old, and they’re equally as terrible at identifying the artist of a painting. An A.I. program called Recognition searches an image for colors, composition, and facial recognition. The matches they come up with are interesting, but not exactly accurate, like comparing a photograph of corn to a Jackson Pollock painting.

2. Pro Athletes

The 2018 Winter Olympics featured the world’s first skiing robot competition. Does this spell out doom for human athletes everywhere? Not so much. The owners of these mini robots had to chase down their creations as they crashed through flags and fell over on their way down an incredibly small hill. Which is hilarious, but not really a threat to Mikaela Shiffrin’s career just yet.

Considering how expensive it is to build a robot in the first place, it’s safe to say that developers won’t want to create a million-dollar machine just to push it down the side of a mountain. This means that in the future, robots will leave all the broken bones and sports injuries to us humans.

1. Clergy

Last, and certainly not least: the job that is guaranteed to never be taken by a robot is a member of clergy. Robots only function with evidence based on data and facts, and these soulless buckets of metal have absolutely no concept of faith. In fact, a study conducted by The Future of Employment claims that there is less than a one percent chance that clergymen would lose their jobs to robots in the future.

Compare that to telemarketers, who have a 99% chance of being replaced by automated voice messaging systems, and… well, what do you know? Maybe there is a God after all.


A.I.-Proof  Vocations –

WIF Jobs

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 167

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 167

…most of the neighborhood probably thinks someone is setting off fireworks…

Greenwood-001 MeanwhileAs part of the lead grouping on this unlikely assault on a neighborhood residence, P.I. Constance and G-Man Jesse are outfitted with all the protective gear, like that afforded to the men who stormed the beach at Normandy, on that fateful day a mere seven years ago. Though National Guard presence is nominal, it is an indicator of how serious The Libby Affair had become.

Falling in the line behind, deuces are wild on this pre-dawn March morning; 2 x 2 are 20 Chicago police cruisers each with two men inside, too-jacked-up on thick black coffee in anticipation of some bigtime action. Some of the old-timers liken this raid to the Prohibition runs in the days of Dillinger & Capone.

You might think that mobilizing 2 shifts of an entire police force would be enough, but  R-6 Sikorsky military helicopters are hovering over Lake Michigan, due east of the 5000 block of south Greenwood just in case. No one, including the master planners, knows what will exactly go down.

Over the police frequency Daniels gives the marching orders, “After we shoot the concussion shells into each floor, I want all vehicles to focus their spotlights at every square inch of that house — from the north and  the south and the street and especially the alley.”

The nondestructive bomb, intended to stun everything inside rockets through the side entrance, the second floor bathroom window and a third floor bedroom, unleashing a series of prodigious thumps, with but small puffs of smoke. Other than being lit up Image result for fireworks giflike a Christmas tree, most of the neighborhood probably thinks someone is setting off fireworks

… But certainly not anyone inside this building under siege.

All lighting is trained on the house, 360 degrees and forever, but nothing happens immediately. The hibernating bats don’t like it and scatter into the dawning day, as do any ghostly apparitions from the house’s scary past.

Constance Caraway P.I.

To read what happens next at 5046 Greenwood…

Forever Mastadon

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 165

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 165

…If we can handle political conventions and all those crazies, I think we can handle one house…

“What can you tell us about the organization called Forever Mastadon?” asks the higher ranked flatfoot, the very first law enforcement hereabout to ever/even admit to wondering what has been going for months in the greater Chicagoland area.

Constance steps into the interrogation, FM is the group behind the abduction of Willard Libby, a scientist affiliated with the U of C. not to mention all the other crap they have pulled on anyone connected to the poor man. They have an agenda, one where he keeps his research to himself.”

“Do you have an address for these people; somewhere we can put a stop to this?”

Greenwood 5046

5046 South Greenwood

“Yeah, 5046 South Greenwood, that would be a good place to start, at this point Constance would not mind having a 2,000 man police force pitch in on this battle, “but if you go there, I’d make sure you have enough men. You will not believe what you’re up against — we do, though being able to explain it to you in advance is hard. You should form your own opinions.”

“Say, aren’t you the broad who shot those two guys on the North side? It was the talk of the department.”

That was me, yes. I took out the two guys who kidnapped Fanny two months ago, then Edie a month back,” her mea culpa comes without remorse. “Don’t you sense a trend going on here? Two rooms of this hospital hold repeat victims of these creeps.”

“Would you be willing to lead a team of tactical officers on a sweep of that Greenwood address?”

“Would I? Hell, I am ready to put another hurt on that bastard.”

“Another? You talk like you have a history with their leader.”

“Yeah, you could say he’s one hell of a handful. If you would let me, I’d like to bring in Agent Daniels-001an expert, he’s with the CIA. He possesses a particular set of unique skills, been on this case longer than me and Fanny.”

“If you can get him here by tomorrow, you have a deal.”

“You can find me at these numbers, telephone and street over on the university campus.” Connie was born to the big time. “One unmarked comes and gets get us before dawn, but I want you to understand one thing… we — Agent Daniels and me are going to be in charge of the operation.”

“I’ll have all the men in our district on the scene, riot gear, gas masks, blast shields, the whole shot. If we can handle political conventions and all those crazies, I think we can handle one house.

Famous last words?


Constance Caraway P.I.

FM Biz-001

Forever Mastadon


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