Sick Puns #40 – WIF Wit and Humor

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Diseased (Sick) Puns

 

The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile.

 

Which illness are witches most prone to? Crone’s disease.

 

When Wally discovered he had Lyme disease he was really ticked off.

 

The mathematician did not practice safe six and ended up with a binarial disease.

 

She could only compose music in 3/4 time. She had waltz timer’s disease.

 

The retired track official has started forgetting things. He has old timer’s disease.

 

He liked to study infectious diseases. It was in his blood.

 

Don’t kiss birds or you may get an untweetable canarial disease.

 

Chronic illegal parkers suffer from parking zones disease.

 

Those who write about disease become ill-literate.



Sick Puns #40 –

WIF Wit and Humor

 

Twenty Twenty – WIF New Year

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TWENTY-TWENTY

TWENTY-TWENTY



 

Like me

New Year Puns (#29)

and Quotes

** New years resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia. (obscure pun!)

** The satellite went into orbit on January 1st causing a new years revolution.

Galileo_satellite_in_orbit

** Drinking too much is an ale-ment

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quotes

 

***“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.”
T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
***“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering ‘it will be happier’…”
Alfred Lord Tennyson
***“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For,
May your arms Never Tire.”
D. Simone
***“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”
Brad Paisley


New Year Puns (#29)

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and Quotes

Laborious Puns #22

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Laborious Puns

“No man needs sympathy because he has to work, because he has a burden to carry. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

Image result for teddy roosevelt bully

Labor Day is a good time to stop and reflect on the august events the the preceding month.

Image result for bad

Bringing a baby into the world is labor of love.

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. He labored so hard that he worked his fingers to the bone-us.

. In some places there is a lot of Manuel labor for every Juan.

In the NFL there is some  Manuel labor.

Image result for e j manuel

 

They used to experiment on dogs called laboratory retrievers.

. A woman union leader who was pregnant had labor pains and then a striking baby.

Image result for unions

. At a company where they dig for gold a labor dispute is a miner problem where no one wants to get the shaft.


Laborious Puns

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ON the JOB Puns #39 – WIF Wit and Humor

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ON the JOB Puns

Bank robbery is a safe job.

The ditch-digger didn’t just quit, he yelled, ‘Take this job and shovel it!’

Why did the lumberjack lose his job? He axed too many questions.

Paratroopers pull strings to stay on the job.

I applied for a job as a weatherman, but my knowledge of meteorology was a little cloudy.

I lost my job at the quarry, I guess you could say I’ve hit rock bottom.

Taxidermy is a job for stuffy people.

I got a job in the transmission shop. It’s shift work.

Whoever served up the wine at that banquet did a pour job

The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up with the hole business.

Since I’ve taken the job in The Everglades I’ve been swamped!

My cartography job is really going to put me on the map.


ON the JOB Puns #39 –

WIF Wit and Humor

Laborious Puns #22

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Laborious Puns

“No man needs sympathy because he has to work, because he has a burden to carry. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

Image result for teddy roosevelt bully

Labor Day is a good time to stop and reflect on the august events the the preceding month.

Image result for bad

Bringing a baby into the world is labor of love.

Image result for labor of love

 

. He labored so hard that he worked his fingers to the bone-us.

. In some places there is a lot of Manuel labor for every Juan.

In the NFL there is some  Manuel labor.

Image result for e j manuel

 

They used to experiment on dogs called laboratory retrievers.

. A woman union leader who was pregnant had labor pains and then a striking baby.

Image result for unions

. At a company where they dig for gold a labor dispute is a miner problem where no one wants to get the shaft.


Laborious Puns

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Hee-hee

Spring Into Puns #38 – WIF Wit and Humor

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Spring Into Puns #38

John plans to retire in the spring and, like the trees around us, will be leafing.

Teaching your slinky new tricks is like spring training.

We can only have spring break in March, because the last time it happened in February, it took until August to get it fixed

The winter was difficult on the trees, but in the spring they were re-leafed

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall – and a pretty good spring and summer, too.

He left the hose on near his back door and soon had a spring in his step

Those selling mattresses have a soft sell in the spring.

Is there a best month of spring? There May be.

Gardeners like to spring into action.


Spring Into Puns #38 –

WIF Wit and Humor

Laborious Puns #22

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Laborious Puns #22

“No man needs sympathy because he has to work, because he has a burden to carry. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

Labor Day is a good time to stop and reflect on the august events the the preceding month.

Image result for august to september

Bringing a baby into the world is labor of love.

Image result for childbirth

 

He labored so hard that he worked his fingers to the bonus.

Image result for bonus

In some places there is a lot of Manuel labor for every Juan.

In some countries there is a lot of Manuel labor.

 

They used to experiment on dogs called laboratory retrievers.

A woman union leader who was pregnant had labor pains and then a striking baby.

 

At a company where they dig for gold a labor dispute is a miner problem where no one wants to get the shaft.


Laborious Puns

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#22