Pun Central Catalog – WIF Wit and Humor

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Pun Central Catalog

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WIF Wit and Humor

Puns #1   Puns, Puns #1

Puns #2  Puns, Puns #2

Puns #3   Puns, Puns #3

Puns #4   “Did You Here the One….?”

Puns #5  I Heard Something Punny…

Puns #6   Punny Men

Puns #7   One Vote for Puns

Puns #8   Killer Puns

Puns #9   Illuminating Puns

Puns #10  Now Serving Tennis Puns

Puns #11  Covert Puns

Puns #12  Courting Legal Puns

Puns #13  Punny Money

Puns #14  Egotist Puns & Quotes

Puns #15  Post-Olympic Sporty Puns

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Puns #16  Hopeful Spring Puns

Puns #17  Sunny Puns

Puns #18  Puns Driving Humor

Puns #19  Familial Puns

Puns #20  Homespun Puns

Puns #21  Every Problem May Be a Punny One

Puns #22 Laborious Puns

Puns #23  Puns W/a Melody Image result for pun

Puns #24 Puns For Your Holiday

Puns #25  Spelling Puns

Puns #26  Irish Puns & Quotes

Puns #27  Puns Imported From Italy

Puns #28 Summer Sunday Puns

Puns #29  New Year Puns & Quotes

Puns #30  Presidential Puns

Puns #31  Nuts For Puns

Puns #32  Halloween Puns & Facts


Pun Central Catalog

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WIF Wit and Humor

Halloween Facts and Puns #32 – WIF Holidays

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Halloween Facts

– More than Candy and Goblins

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Halloween, or Hallowe’en (/ˌhæləˈwn, ˈn, ˌhɑːl/; a contraction of “All HallowsEvening“), also known as All halloweenAll Hallows’ Eve, or All Saints’ Eve, is a yearly celebration observed in a number of countries on 31 October, the eve of the Western Christian feast of All Hallows’ Day. It begins the three-day observance of Allhallowtide, the time in the liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows),martyrs, and all the faithful departed believers.

According to many scholars, All Hallows’ Eve is a Christianized feast influenced by Celtic harvest festivals, with possible pagan roots, particularly the Gaelic festival Samhain. Other scholars maintain that it originated independently of Samhain and has solely Christian roots.

Typical contemporary festive Halloween activities include trick-or-treating (or the related “guising“), attending costume parties, decorating, carving pumpkins into jack-o’-lanterns, lighting bonfires, apple bobbing and divination games, playing pranks, visiting haunted attractions, telling scary stories and watching horror films. In many parts of the world, the Christian religious observances of All Hallows’ Eve, including attending church services and lighting candles on the graves of the dead, remain popular, although in other locations, these solemn customs are less pronounced in favor of a more commercial and secular celebration.Because many Western Christian denominations encourage, although most no longer require, abstinence from meat on All Hallows’ Eve, the tradition of eating certain vegetarian foods for this vigil day developed, including the consumption of apples, colcannon, cider, potato pancakes, and soul cakes.

Etymology

The word Halloween or Hallowe’en dates to about 1745 and is of Christian origin. The word “Halloween” means “hallowed evening” or “holy evening”. It comes from a Scottish term for All Hallows’ Eve (the evening before All Hallows’ Day). In Scots, the word “eve” is even, and this is contracted to e’en or een. Over time, (All) Hallow(s) E(v)en evolved into Halloween. Although the phrase “All Hallows'” is found in Old English (ealra hālgena mæssedæg, all saints mass-day), “All Hallows’ Eve” is itself not seen until 1556.


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My friend wants to dress like the Queen of Hearts for Halloween. I think I’ll follow suit.

The fastest, most efficient way to make Halloween costumes is mask production.Image result for halloween masks

 

Witches are good at spell-ing.

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Where do witches bake their cookies? In a coven.

 

A trickortreat route is a fright path.Image result for halloween candy

 

Those who eat candy with both hands are ambi-dextrose.

 

There was a fight in the candy store. Two suckers got licked.

 

A group of ballerinas were wearing their tutus. A couple of extra costumes arrived but they thought they might be tutu many.Image result for skeleton key

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The tale of the haunted refrigerator was chilling.

 

 

I used my skeleton key to get into the haunted house.

 

Two brothers collaborated on haunted stories, but one was a ghost writer.

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‘We’ve lost too much to the Indian princess at that card game,’ declared Capt. John Smith, ‘but don’t let poker haunt us.’

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Halloween Facts

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– And Puns

Laborious Puns #22

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“No man needs sympathy because he has to work, because he has a burden to carry. Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”

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1.

Labor Day is a good time to stop and reflect on the august events the the preceding month.

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2. Bringing a baby into the world is labor of love.

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3.

He labored so hard that he worked his fingers to the bonus.

4. In some places there is a lot of Manuel labor for every Juan.

5. In the NFL there is some  Manuel labor.

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6. They used to experiment on dogs called laboratory retrievers.

7. A woman union leader who was pregnant had labor pains and then a striking baby.

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8. At a company where they dig for gold a labor dispute is a miner problem where no one wants to get the shaft.

 

Laborious Puns

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#22

Presidential Puns #30 – WIF Fun Politics

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Presidential Puns

My Project 5-001

The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored.

Ennui by Mike Reed

When the presidential candidates campaign in rural areas, do they take a straw poll?

When they campaign in forested areas do they give stump speeches?

The president can’t pass the bill because it’s still incongruous.

The saying of a former vice-president is know as an AlGorIthm.

Old presidents never die they just keep going through their cabinets.

Have an optometrist run for president, because they are people of vision.


Presidential Puns #30

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WIF Fun Politics

New Year Puns (#29) and Quotes

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New Year Puns (#29)

and Quotes

New years resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia. (obscure pun!)

The satellite went into orbit on January 1st causing a new years revolution.

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Drinking too much is an ale-ment

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quotes

 

T.S. Eliot

***“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.”
T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets
***“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering ‘it will be happier’…”
Alfred Lord Tennyson
***“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For,
May your arms Never Tire.”
D. Simone
***“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”
Brad Paisley


New Year Puns (#29)

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and Quotes

Freudian Slips – “I didn’t mean what I meant to say.”

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40 Clips from 1/17/2014

Freudian Slips

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. — Richard Harkness, The New York Times, 1960

Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: “Of all the radio stations in Chicago … we’re one of them.”

With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster 13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress. — Ransom K. Ferm

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world. — Dave Barry

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. — A. Whitney Brown

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. — William James

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it – and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. — Mark Twain

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base. — Dave Barry

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

668: The Neighbor of the Beast 

Some mornings, it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps. — Emo Phillips

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. — F. P. Jones

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. — Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe?” — Quentin Crisp

Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not! But I’m sick and tired of being told that I am! — Monty Python

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. — George Carlin

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. — John F. Kennedy

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. — Ashleigh Brilliant

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. — Ashleigh Brilliant

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Always try to do things in chronological order; it’s less confusing that way.

Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, “I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease”. Disraeli replied, “That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.”

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. — Johnny Carson

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit. — In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance

On one occasion a student burst into his office. “Professor Stigler, I don’t believe I deserve this F you’ve given me.” To which Stigler replied, “I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award.”

Don’t worry about temptation–as you grow older, it starts avoiding you. — Old Farmer’s Almanac

G: “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?” EB: “Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.” — Somewhere in No Man’s Land, BA4

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. — Plutarch

The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. — Salvador Dali

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me. — Hunter S. Thompson

Sacred cows make the best hamburger. — Mark Twain

“Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” — Kermit the Frog

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.” — Charlie Brown, _Peanuts_ [Charles Schulz]

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. Hobbes: Isn’t the zipper on your pants supposed to be in the front?

“I didn’t mean what I meant to say.” — Gwenny

Freudian Slips

 

Summer Sunday Puns #28

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My Project 5-001

Summer Sunday Puns #28

 

Grills are a hot item.

It was so hot the other day that even the mosquitoes were dropping like flies.

Sitting in the sun last summer a lot of people became well-red.

 

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I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

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I needed a raise in my allowance. Mowing the grass all summer just wasn’t cutting it.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

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I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

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Some people say I’m addicted to summersaults, but that’s just how I roll.

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She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.


Summer Sunday Puns #28

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from WIF