Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 14

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 14

…“You have to understand what the man’s life was like; he did not have one…

Fanny’s simple solution of interviewing everyone at Argonne may have some holes.

“That would seem logical, Miss Renwick, but we have a new, state-of the-art, and panoramic film camera system that records everything… and I mean everything that goes on here.

“I went over the pictures with Security two days before the Carbon-14 Summit was to start and then three days after we suspected that he had gone missing.” People at a Top Secret government facility just don’t walk away unnoticed.

You have to understand what the man’s life was like; he did not have one. He’s been like a bloodhound on the trail of raccoon, obsessed by radiocarbon dating. With little family, no wives or children and a general distaste for conventional forms of entertainment, all he has was his work and the respect that it provides.”

“Too bad security wasn’t this tight back in ’42,” Constance refers to the double-agent case they worked and chronicled in CONSTANCE CARAWAY: SPIES AT WAR. “The Feds were all over Los Alamos, so we mopped up here at Argonne.”

“Wow, I was working on my Masters way back then,” young Martin spouts inoffensively.

“Ouch, thank you for reminding me of my age—-I mean years of experience,” some offense taken.

“That is how I learned about your investigative prowess.” He respects his elders. “I do my homework and you were the one who exposed James East as Victor VonOeste.”

“We got lucky there. Most of the secret selling came from within the nuke program. VonOeste had only acted as if he was double-crossing the Germans, when in fact they were as thick as thieves.” In perhaps her best-ever masquerade, Constance had been inserted into the program as a micro-technician (Fanny was a cleaning woman and not happy about it). That was only thing small about her investigation. “But enough about the past; we are looking for your friend and colleague who left the grounds undetected.”


Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 14

The NULL Solution = Episode 178

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The NULL Solution = Episode 178

…What began as a like-minded alliance has morphed into a freighter of regret…

i regret everything by NintendoVii

Not long after Collapsar Axis’ exit from its native dimension, the residents, old of the Ÿ€Ð homeworld or the new gypsies picked up along the path to perdition, become restless as rumors spread like a firestorm. There has not a dictator made, that can squelch an entire population when those people have a mind to squawk.

Like a noisy squawk box, they harp in unison at the realization that they are going nowhere in an unfamiliar somewhere. What began as a like-minded alliance has morphed into a freighter of regret. The promise of roaming free rings hollow, when the roaming lacks purpose.

“We want to go back to our worlds!” is the common cry heard throughout. Eternal regret was not what this divergent group bargained for. They are paying the price for throwing in with a cross-eyed visionary.

And the emergence of unwelcome company, in this living hell, does little to soothe their savage souls.

“Great Župzïð, our battle cruisers have been engaged!” Collapsar Axis has gone from being the fearless big dog in the neighborhood, to just another malcontent. Entire fighting forces are being added to the mix; those that were roving the “real” Great Expanse with bad intent.

“Contact their flagship. I would like to speak with its leader.”

The front-running ship’s commander breaks off his attack to speak with Župzïð, “You have hijacked my ships. We will fight you to the death.”

Collapsar’s sheer size makes it the likely culprit.

“It is not we who brought you here. We are the confederation called Collapsar Axis. We belong to a galaxy far from this one. We have lost our way.”

That is a Freudian slip if there ever was one. He meant to say, “We are lost,” lost in translation.

“We were engaging a sphere that looked like it was threatening our world,” admits the attacking commander. “Now we find ourselves among strange stars and being asked a ridiculous question. Are you the source of that message?”

That had been the exact mistake made by the Ÿ€Ð fleet back in the day and compounded by Župzïð’s ignorance to this very day.

“We are not the builders of ⃝    . We are victims as well.”

The would-be combatants share a bond of serendipitous proportions.

“Have you seen the beacon of light originating in the Terran system?” Collapsar’s builder asks.

“Yes. What does such a primitive species have to do with such a thing? We disregarded that message as well. It smells like a trap… all that talk of universal peace is for the weak!”

There is a pattern developing. When a certain choice is posed, the proper response is expected.

“Have you seen the beacon in this place?”

“No,” is the simple answer, asked and answered by both men.


The NULL Solution =

Pattern Party by Brianne burnell

Episode 178


page 174

Nuclear Attack Survival – WIF Doomsday Handbook

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Surviving a

Nuclear Attack

Shutterstock photo

With all of the hostility around the world today, it’s understandable if you may be at least a little bit worried about becoming a victim of a nuclear attack. While we truly hope that you’ll never have to use this advice, it’s still important to be prepared for any possibility. Here are 10 survival tips on what you can do before, during, and after a nuclear attack.

10. Run

This goes without saying, but if you’re still alive after a nuclear attack, run for your life. If you are close to the area where a blast has gone off, do not look directly at it, because it can cause you to go blind. You actually want to open your mouth, because if you don’t, your eardrums will actually burst from the sound of the blast. Anyone within half a mile of where a nuclear bomb goes off has a 90% chance of dying immediately, and a 50% chance of being killed within a two-mile radius.

According to Professor Irwin Redlener from Columbia University, nuclear bombs produce a tremendous amount of wind following the blast. Take notice to which direction the wind is blowing, and where you see the most damage. Head in the opposite direction.

Radiation travels so quickly that if you are within a 5-mile radius of the blast, you will only have 10 to 15 minutes to seek shelter before you are pummeled with enough radiation to kill you. Your priority should be to get far enough away, or seek an appropriate shelter.

9. Get Inside

While this may seem like common sense, you need to get inside if you want to survive after a nuclear blast. During the Cold War, the prevailing advice was to “duck and cover,” even if it meant laying down in the middle of the street. At the time, the government had very little knowledge about fallout, and in the film, they compare a radiation flash to getting a bad sunburn. We now know that the reality is that the heat of an atomic bomb is tens of millions of degrees Fahrenheit, and that it causes skin cancer almost instantly, even if you are several miles from the blast site.

If you are within 5 miles of an atomic explosion, and you don’t have enough time to run, the best option is to get inside of the basement of a tall building, or inside of an interior room without windows. If you live in a city, and you can’t find a basement to hide in, you can also run to the 10th floor or higher of a very tall building, because it should be high up enough to avoid at least some of the debris. Just keep in mind that going underground is always the best option.

8. Shield Yourself

If you are outside during a nuclear attack, and there are few options for places to hide, FEMA recommends finding a concrete building, and using it to shield yourself from the direction of the blast. This isn’t ideal for a long-term hiding spot, but it could possibly give you enough time to survive the initial attack before moving on to find a better shelter.

After the attacks on Hiroshima, the only building that survived near the center of the blast was the concrete Genbaku Dome. Today, the site is used as a museum and memorial for the lives that were lost during the attack.

7. Avoid Fallout

If you are living within a few miles of a nuclear attack, your main concern should be avoiding fallout. And no, we’re not talking about the popular video game franchise. Fallout is a mix of dirt and radioactive debris, and it moves with the wind. Within the first week or two after a blast, it can be carried several miles away from ground zero. Even if you live 50 to 100 miles away from a blast site, pay attention to the news about the direction of where the fallout is moving, because it’s possible that you may still have to evacuate, or take shelter underground to avoid radiation.

If you’re not sure if you live within a safe distance of any potential attack, there is a rather frightening website called “Nukemap” that allows you to simulate what would happen after a nuclear explosion, and it will tell you just how many miles fallout is likely to travel.

6. Distance Yourself

According to Ready.gov, the most likely targets for a nuclear attack would be locations that would be considered important for commerce or government, such as capital buildings, military bases, power plants, and major ports for transportation. Obviously, if your job keeps you close to these places, you may not be able to change where you live. But if you are given a warning that a missile is on its way, be sure to get as far away from any of these types of buildings as you possibly can.

If you happen to be driving when you get a text message about an impending nuclear attack, it’s best to get as far away from the blast site as humanly possible. However, it’s also best to avoid driving on major highways, especially since you may have mere minutes to seek shelter.

In the event of a disaster, highways tend to get jammed when they fill with people who are desperate to get out of a city. If you have ever seen The Walking Dead, you may remember the highway leading out of Atlanta filled with cars of people who were trying to get away from zombies. Unfortunately, if an entire city has 15 minutes to evacuate, highways would look just like it did in the TV show. If at all possible, stick to driving on back roads.

5. Get Clean

If you happened to be outside during a nuclear blast, or you’ve been evacuating, it’s likely that fallout settled on your clothing and skin while you were seeking shelter. This means that you should clean yourself off as soon as you are safely inside a shelter. Ready.gov recommends removing your the clothing you were wearing, tie it in a plastic bag, and place it as far away from humans and animals as possible.

Take a shower, but be careful not to scrub too hard, because scratching your skin will be far worse. Use as much shampoo and soap as possible, but do not condition your hair or use lotion, because it will hold any radioactive materials to your skin. Blow your nose, wipe your ears, and eyes. After this first shower, it’s best to avoid tap water after that, because the radiation from the fallout will seep into the groundwater.

4. Stay Inside, and Wait for News

Once you are in a shelter that is a safe distance from the center of a nuclear blast, it’s still possible for radiation to linger for several weeks, or longer, depending on the size of the bomb. After the nuclear power plant disaster in Fukushima, the town remained uninhabitable for years after the blast.

Unfortunately, there is no way of knowing just how bad radiation will be until the disaster occurs, but it’s estimated that it will take anywhere from a few days up to a few weeks before radiation levels disperse enough to make it safe to go outside. Listen to your radio, TV, or internet for updates on when it’s safe to go out.

3. Do Not Scavenge

In most movies of a post-apocalyptic world, we see characters raiding grocery stores or farms for food and supplies. While that might make sense during a zombie apocalypse, it’s the last thing you’ll want to do when surviving nuclear fallout. Just like groundwater, radiation can spread into food and livestock. No matter how tempting the food is on the shelf, it’s best not to eat it, because you will be ingesting something that was fully exposed to radiation. Don’t be tempted to steal non-food items, either, because you’ll be carrying the radiation away with you.

After the nuclear disaster in Fukushima, even cars, gold, and jewels were left behind due to the high levels of radiation lingering on everything. If you’re outside at all, it’s much smarter to spend that time evacuating than hanging around scavenging.

2. Have an Escape Plan

Now that you know what to do if you’re caught off-guard by a nuclear blast, it would be wise to prepare an escape plan for your family and friends. If you live in a city, find out where your local nuclear bomb shelters are located, and calculate just how long it would take for you to get there from work and home.

Google Maps actually provides the addresses of nuclear fallout shelters. It’s worth taking a few minutes out of your day to see exactly which buildings you can run to, in case of emergency.

1. Be Prepared

Last and definitely not least, you should stock your home with preparations for any disaster, whether it’s as natural as a hurricane, or as apocalyptic as nuclear fallout. Be sure to keep bottled water, canned food, a first aid kit, and flashlights. According to the Center of Disease Control, potassium iodide helps to prevent your thyroid gland from absorbing radiation.

You should be able to find these tablets at your local pharmacy. You can also buy solar-powered battery packs to charge your smartphone, in case the power goes out.  There are plenty of doomsday prepper websites out there, if you want some more ideas on what you may need to get ready for a potential attack.


Nuclear Attack Survival –

WIF Doomsday Handbook

The NULL Solution = Episode 42

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The NULL Solution = Episode 42

…It is obvious {to the most casual observer} that UKP started the nuclear fracas and the United States response was appropriate and timely…

Related image

In response to their failed attempt to bring down the “Giant Ball”, the United Korean Peninsula launches more than two dozen Taeopodong Unha-5s a in the direction of any world power suspected of producing Giant Ball or possessing nuclear weapons. India, Pakistan, China, Taiwan, France, Israel, Iran, Ukraine, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Somalia, Belgium, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Turkey, Great Britain and quite naturally the USA are recipients of Jong-Un-Family doomsday targeting.–

Image result for missile gif transparent

— When it comes to nuclear aggression, there is not much time for humans to react and react they do.

In the same order as listed above:

  1. India = Were in the process of installing an anti-missile system – RESULT – Too late. Their own warhead is fired across the border to the North
  2. Pakistan = RESULT – Two birds (with India) slain with one stone
  3. China = Too close to react in time  – RESULT – Warhead takes out the dam on Yellow River, 2 billion drowned in floodplain
  4. Taiwan = Too small to be defensive – RESULT – It will take 100 years to recover, Mainland China sheds no tears
  5. France = Overlooked, too timid – never mind
  6. Israel = Prepared for anything – RESULT – Warhead destroyed before re-entry into atmosphere
  7. Iran = Champing at the bit to use their arsenal on their neighbors – RESULT – They are trumped by Israel, who were looking for an excuse to take out Iran’s nukes
  8. Ukraine = Wish they had not listened to Russia – RESULT – Crimean region laid waste, the Bosporus reduced to an unrecognizable puddle
  9. Saudi Arabia = Too rich to be destroyed – RESULT – They paid a ransom to UKP before the launch
  10. Russia = They know UKP like the back of their mischievous hands – RESULTDestroyed 5 missiles before they reached the stratosphere
  11. Somalia = Had a hijacked missile in their possession – RESULT – They are now out of the pirating business
  12. Belgium, Germany, Italy, Netherlands, Turkey = Not enough missiles to go around
  13. Great Britain = Depends on the USA – RESULT – Missile aimed at London taken out by the antiballistic missile shield
  14. USA = After shooting nukes out of the sky like so many clay pigeons and seeing the damage done by more UKP mischief, President Harper Lea Bassett takes the advice of her joint chiefs and unleashes limited-nuclear-weapon hell upon military facilities in the former North Korean territoryRESULTWWIII remains on hold. It is obvious {to the most casual observer} that UKP started the nuclear fracas and the United States response was appropriate and timely.–

Destruction..by roiter475 on Deviantart.com


The NULL Solution =

Episode 42


page 47

THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 156

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THE RETURN TRIP – Episode 156

…Mustering any more international mischief will be hard for this evil alliance to do…

–So in the midst of their puffy-chested revelry, when all their focus is on the gloryRelated image of recent triumphs, three supersonic bombers streak across the Arctic Ice Cap, under, around, and through Korean blind defenses. The government complex housing the conspiring power-brokers is leveled in an instant. Two other {space-connected} facilities are also destroyed, as well as seaports Wonsan, and Hamhung. No embargoes will be necessary.

Three more stealth bearers-of-bombs come up from the Indian Ocean on their way to Baikonur Cosmodrome and some sweet strategic points in Talibanistan. Before the sun can clear the horizon to the east, Talibanistani military installations go up in smoke and the Cosmodrome will not be hoisting any rockets for a very, very long time.

Mustering any more international mischief will be hard for this evil alliance to do.

The combined percentage loss to the two countries, when the military and governance vacuum is factored in, is near 85%. Assassinations of world leaders have been tried before, with varying results, attempted by people with different motives and ethnic derivations. Emperors have been betrayed, Kings have fallen, Presidents shot, but never before has a worldwide attack taken out the core leadership of world powers.

In United Korea, the Kim Jung-un lineage is stagnant and questionable, his offspring both being female. Succession to the throne will be chaotic for such an ordered {by sequestration} society.

And you thought they were upset about losing Sang-Ashi…

Talibanistan, on the other hand, has always been chaotic. When you bundle 6 countries together to make one big one, there is bound to be provincial squabbles. And with somebody always ready to take anybody’s place at any time, the melee free-for-all that ensues will prevent a unified response.

And they were so proud about their terrorist expertise…


THE RETURN TRIP

Lord of the Rings the LAST ALLIANCE – Artists: Jason Potratz & Jack Hai

Episode 156


page 191

RT contents 7-26

Bomb Shelter Handbook – Surviving The Apocalypse

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Bunkers and Bomb Shelters

to Ride Out

the Apocalypse

If all out nuclear war happened, many places in the world could be wiped off the face of the Earth in the blasts. Unlucky survivors would die slowly from radiation or in nuclear winter. It’s a nightmarish scenario, and just one way humanity could be doomed. We could also be killed off by disease, environmental problems, and asteroids, just to name a few extinction level events. Because there are so many ways humanity could end on any given day, some people have built, or are in the process of building, some amazing bunkers and fallout shelters.

10. Atlas Survival Shelter

To start off, we thought we’d go with the working person’s luxury bomb shelter. Atlas Survival Shelter’s Galvanized Corrugated Pipe bomb shelter starts at about $49,000. The pipe is 32-by-10-feet and it can comfortably house three or four people. It has one bedroom plus extra bunks, a washroom with a shower, and there is storage under the floor so you can store up to a year’s worth of food. The tube, which has its own air filtration system and is powered by solar panels, protects the inhabitants from bomb blasts, and nuclear, chemical and biological disasters. Finally, any exterior components, such as the lid of the escape tube and solar panels, are hidden and nearly impossible to see unless you know what you’re looking for.

What’s interesting about the Atlas system is that multiple tubes can be connected together to make much bigger complexes. For example, they have a complex that holds 80 to 90 people. Check out the video above for one of the “higher end” models sold by Atlas.

9. Silo Home

The aptly named Silo Home was built over an Atlas F missile silo that was constructed during the Cold War in the Adirondack Mountains in Saranac, New York. The home that sits over the silo looks like a normal 1,800 square-foot cabin. The bunker, which is protected by walls that are three feet thick, is connected to the ground floor via a spiral staircase.

The subterrain area has two floors. The 2,300 square feet of living space includes a jacuzzi, a kitchen, a dining area, and an entertainment room. There are even windows with fake light that simulate sunlight. The Silo Home is also full of potential because there is lots of room for more renovations. There are nine levels, equaling 12,000 square feet, that are still unused.

8. The Caverns Suite

Have you ever seen the Grand Canyon and thought to yourself, “That looks comfortable enough to sleep in”? Hopefully not. But if, for some reason, you’d love to sleep there, there’s actually a luxury suite 200 feet below ground in the Grand Canyon Caverns in Peach Springs, Arizona, that was once a fallout shelter.

The caverns were discovered in 1927 by a woodcutter named Walter Peck. Accounts vary, but apparently Peck either fell or nearly fell into it. Peck thought that there might be gold in the caverns and quickly bought the land. When he found out there was no gold, he made it a tourist attraction, and led tours around the caverns. Since then, it’s had several owners and has been used in different ways. Notably, during the Cuban Missile Crisis it was used as a bomb shelter that could house 200 people. Some of the relics of its days as a fallout shelter can still be found there, such as dehydrated food.

In 2001, it was purchased by a group of friends who converted the remnants of the bomb shelter into a luxury suite that is 220 feet by 400 feet, with a 70-foot ceiling.To stay at the “oldest, darkest, deepest, quietest, and largest suite room in the world” for one night, it costs the first two guests $800 and then $100 for each additional person, and it holds up to six people. However, if it were needed for a bomb shelter, 2,000 people could survive in the caverns for several weeks.

7. Subterra Castle

subterra

Located in the Kansas hills, about 25 miles west of Topeka, Subterra Castle is a mansion that was created from a missile silo that once held an 82-foot Atlas-E rocket. Ed Peden and his wife, Dianna Ricke-Peden, bought the silo in 1984 for $40,000 and did a tremendous amount of work on it. They converted it into an underground mansion before moving into it in 1994. The silo has four bedrooms and two baths, there is a music room complete with a stage, domestic and commercial kitchens, a library/study, and a hot tub.

Ed Peden loves giving tours of his home to school groups, television crews, and anyone else who wants to see the bunker. Just make sure you let him know ahead of time.

6. Girard B. Henderson’s Bomb Shelter

If you were to look at this Las Vegas home from the street, you probably wouldn’t think much of it. It’s fairly mundane, just a two-story house that looks like it was built sometime in the 1970s. However, 26 feet below the house is an amazing Cold War fallout shelter that’s connected to the house by an elevator. The shelter comes complete with fake scenery, which includes fake trees and fake rocks. There’s a garden of sorts, which has a four-hole putting green, two jacuzzis, a sauna, a dance floor, a bar, and a barbeque that is in the shape of a rock. Oh, and a swimming pool, of course.

There are three bedrooms and three bathrooms. Finally, the lights can be adjusted to imitate different times of the day. There are even some twinkling stars to imitate the night sky. The shelter was installed in 1978, and the original owner, Girard B. Henderson, former director of Avon who died in 1980, had the décor reflect the era in which it was built. There are pastels everywhere, and the kitchen is pink. The house was listed for $1.7 million in 2013, but it is unclear if it was ever purchased.

5. The Facility

Built in 1969 in Tift County, Georgia, but renovated to new government standards in 2012, the Facility (as it has been nicknamed) is a privately owned fallout shelter. It sits on 32 acres, and above it is 2,000 square feet of commercial space and a caretaker’s home. 45 feet below is the bunker with three-foot cement walls that can withstand a 20 kiloton nuclear explosion. The bunker has four 600-square foot apartments, each have two bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen and dining area.

It also has five staff bedrooms, because what’s the point of surviving the apocalypsewithout someone to clean up after you? Other amenities include a 15-seat home theater, a library, a conference room, a first-aid room, a commercial kitchen, an HVAC system, and environmental monitoring sensors. The Facility went on the market in 2015, but it’s probably out of your price range unless your name is Bill Gates.

4. Luxury Survival Condos

In 2008, Denver based developer Larry Hall bought a 174-foot deep former nuclear missile silo near Concordia, Kansas. He converted it to a large bunker made up of individual condominiums. Besides the condos, the bunker has a swimming pool, a library, a 17-seat movie theater, and a hydroponic vegetable garden. To fortify the bunker, there are two armored doors weighing 16,000 pounds each, and the bunker has its own security force. Each resident is also given five years’ worth of freeze-dried and dehydrated food.

The silo can house up to 75 people, and there are full units and half units. A full unit is 1,820 square-feet with nine foot ceilings and costs $3 million, while half-units cost $1.5 million. Hall also provides armored pickup for the residents within 400 miles of the silo, which is designed to protect its inhabitants from war, terrorist attacks, disease, and many other disasters.

Amazingly, by 2012, Hall had completed construction and sold all his units. He is currently trying to develop two more silos.

3. Vivos Indiana

In a secret location near Terre Haute, Indiana, is a luxury fallout shelter built by doomsday bunker builder Vivos. The shelter is built out of a Cold War communications facility that was designed to withstand a 20 megaton blast within a few miles of the bunker. Their website says they are not near any nuclear targets.

Inside the bunker, 80 people can be housed. Amazingly, at the time of this writing, there are only 10 spots left. If you’re interested in securing your spot, as of August 2016, it will cost $50,000 per adult and $35,000 per child. The one-time cost includes enough food that all residents could live underground for a year. As for the accommodations, they are about on par with a 4-star hotel, but obviously freeze-dried and dehydrated foods have a tough time competing with resort food. However, it does have a movie theater, dining area, gym, and the condos are lavishly decorated.

Amazingly, Vivos Indiana isn’t the only project taken on by Vivos. In fact, they have a much bigger bomb shelter called…

2. Vivos Europa One

Located in the German village of Rothenstein, Vivos Europa One is one of the most secure structures in the world, and the accommodations are supposedly on par with a five star resort. Originally, the bunker was built as a weapons storage that the Soviets in the 1970s. When West and East Germany merged, Germany inherited the bunker that was built on a mountainside, and planned to store weapons there. However, when they found out they couldn’t do that without violating international treaties, they sold it in an auction. It was eventually purchased by Vivos, who set to work converting the 227,904 square-foot silo into a giant doomsday bunker.

Another unique feature is that above the bunker there is an above ground component that’s 43,906 square-feet. It consists of offices, warehouse buildings, and a train depot. Protecting the bunker is the mountain into which it’s built. There are three doors that are nuclear blast and radiation proof, and the bunker has its own private security force.

The bunker can hold up to 6,000 families and most individual condos are 2,500 square-feet. It’s also possible to build a second level, so your condo can be expanded to 5,000 square-feet. The bunker can also house a small zoo, and has room for genetic storage. For entertainment, there are pools, restaurants, theaters, and gyms. There’s no price listed on their website, but for one of the safest and swankiest fallout shelters in the world, we’re guessing you won’t be bumping into too many Philosophy majors or list writers there.

1. The Oppidum

Dubbed “The World’s Largest Private Apocalypse Shelter” by Forbes, the Oppidum is found in the mountains of the Czech Republic and is a bit different from the other shelters on this list. People who buy bunkers here can also live above ground on the massive 323,000 square estate. Should there be a reason to get into the bunker, they would go to their secret corridor, which is sealed off by a blast proof door. This allows the residents to reach safety in under a minute.

The bunker is designed for billionaires, so despite having a ton of square footage, there are only seven apartments. Residents can live up to 10 years underground. For the residents of the seven apartments, there’s a movie theater, a spa, a swimming pool, and a library.

There was no cost listed, and in order to even visit their website you need a code. Surprise, surprise, we don’t have one.


Bomb Shelter Handbook

 Surviving The Apocalypse

United States Invaded! – WIF Almanac

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10 Times

the United States

Was Almost Invaded

The Red Scare of the 1950s. The Japanese invasion panic of WWII. Fears of ISIS troops running amuck in our major cities… the US has long been a country worried that someone’s gonna invade it. Aliens, Commies, North Korea, you name it. Someone, somewhere, has fantasized about America being dominated by it.

 The most ironic part of all this is how unlikely it actually is. A massive nation bordered by allies to the north and south, the US is almost comically difficult to attack. In WWII the Nazis didn’t even try. The Imperial Japanese occupied a measly handful of Alaskan islands. The last time an enemy nation directly carried out a successful invasion was when the British burned down the White House in the war of 1812, and even they were eventually repulsed.

But that hasn’t stopped other powers from dreaming of marching troops over American soil. Some of the following plans were deadly serious. Some were mere fleeting ideas. One or two even actually succeeded. Terrified at the thought of the US being invaded? The following suggest you needn’t worry.

10. The Kaiser’s Crazy Pre-WWI Invasion Plan

What do you picture when you hear the words “Kaiser”, “America”, and “war” in a sentence? We’re betting it’s 1917 and images of US troops poring onto the battlefields of France as Woodrow Wilson sits in the White House. If the Kaiser had had his way, you’d be imagining something very different: the dawn of the 20th century, Theodore Roosevelt as president, and Germany launching an insane invasion of the eastern seaboard.

Nearly a decade and a half before WWI, Kaiser Wilhelm II was already planning a gigantic cross-Atlantic war. At the time, the US was backing the construction of the Panama Canal, leading Berlin to worry Germany would be excluded from Pacific trade. The Kaiser had already been toying with an invasion of America since 1897. The new canal seemed the ideal pretext to order the bombardment of Manhattan.

The plan itself was audacious. As German ships shelled Manhattan, sixty troop carriers would land on the Atlantic seaboard with orders to attack. Roosevelt would be forced to sign away the Panama Canal, or watch Washington and Boston burn. Incredibly, the invasion nearly went ahead. The order was about to be given to attack when German chief of staff, Count Alfred von Schlieffen, vetoed the plans for being completely insane.

9. Canada’s Crazy Post-WWI Invasion Plan

Yep, you read that right. Canada, the country so nice even Denmark thinks it’s soft, once planned to invade the USA. And not at some sane point, like in the aftermath of the War of 1812. This plan was mooted only three years after the countries had fought side-by-side in WWI. Known as Defense Plan No. 1, it was borderline insane.

The rationale for making a plan was, incredibly, Canadian fears the US would invade first if they didn’t. Rather than sitting around waiting to be annexed, Ottawa figured they should attack first. The problem was the US army was clearly better trained, better equipped, and much bigger than the Canadian one. So Lt.-Col. James “Buster” Sutherland Brown drew up an attack plan that avoided having the Canadian army fight at all costs.

Instead, Canadian troops would launch lightning strikes on northern American cities, occupying Maine, destroying Detroit and the Twin Cities, and burning Seattle and Portland. They’d then retreat as the US army mobilized, pausing only to blow up bridges. Once safely back in Canada, they’d scream “look you guys, America is attacking!” and sit back while Britain mobilized the Empire’s troops to save them.

Not surprisingly, everyone thought this was the dumbest thing they’d ever heard. Buster’s successor ordered all copies of the crazy plan burned.

8. The Nazi Plan to Bomb New York

For about half a century, successive German regimes were fixated on bombing New York City. After the Kaiser’s wacko plan above was shelved, Adolf Hitler took up the mantle. And, boy, was he serious about it. According to Albert Speer, Hitler was obsessed by the idea of New York in flames. From 1937 onwards, at least part of the Nazi war machine was consistently looking for ways of attacking the Empire State.

Their first plan was to develop a long-range bomber that could fly to America and back from occupied France without having to refuel. Known as the “Amerika” aircraft, it would do to NYC what the Blitz did to London. While the Nazis eventually managed to develop planes that could nearly fly 10,000 kilometers on a single tank, they didn’t quite hit the 11,800 kilometers needed to make bombing NYC viable. So they switched to rockets. As V2 rockets crashed down on London, the Nazis began construction of an “Amerika rocket” that would’ve crashed into New York at supersonic speeds, killing hundreds.

The scariest part is how close some of these projects got to completion. The Amerika rocket was almost ready at the war’s end. Had the Nazi state held out just a few months longer, it seems likely that Hitler would’ve realized his dream of seeing Manhattan on fire.

7. Japan’s Plan to Annex Hawaii

The bombing of Pearl Harbor remains one of the biggest losses of American life in a single action. So imagine how much worse it could have been if Japan had followed it up with an invasion of Hawaii. Back in 1941 it was a terrifying possibility. Had one faction of the Japanese Imperial army had their way, it might even have become reality.

The idea came from Isoroku Yamamoto, the Japanese naval strategist who orchestrated the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Yamamoto was convinced the US was significantly stronger than Japan and that a massive, early propaganda victory would be needed to shake American morale. With an invasion of the US mainland out of the question, it stood to reason that Hawaii was the only sensible target. Yamamoto’s plan called for the Japanese to follow up Pearl Harbor with an invasion of the island, securing a quick Japanese victory.

Given the way the US public freaked when Japan occupied a few lumps of rock off the coast of Alaska, it’s fair to say Hawaii being annexed would probably have sent the county nuts. In the end, though, Yamamoto’s superiors disagreed. Pearl Harbor was bombed, but Hawaii itself spared.

6. Pancho Villa’s Successful “Mexican Invasion”

There are very few people who aren’t dead, 19th century Brits who can say they successfully invaded the US and burned an entire town. Pancho Villa is one of those people. A Mexican Revolutionary leader, he started life as America’s golden boy in the huge unrest happening south of the border. But then the government of Woodrow Wilson switched support to his rival, Venustiano Carranza, and threw Villa under the bus. Villa responded by unleashing hell on any American who crossed his path.

First, he managed to kidnap 18 Americans inside Mexico and had them all slaughtered. But his crowning achievement came on March 9, 1916. Followed by a band of 1,500 guerillas, Villa crossed the border onto US soil. His troops surrounded the small town of Columbus, New Mexico. A few hours later, the citizens were dead, and Columbus itself was in flames.

It marked the last time in US history that a town on American soil was laid siege to and destroyed by foreign attackers. The US responded by invading Mexico, supported by Carranza’s government. Although the carnage they caused was enough to dissuade Villa from ever attacking America again, they were unable to capture the rebel leader. Villa wouldn’t be assassinated until 1923.

5. Japan Partially-Occupies Alaska

Although Pancho Villa’s ‘invasion’ of New Mexico would be more dramatic, it was the Japanese occupation of Attu and Kiska that really scared the public. That’s because both are part of the island chain that makes up the far-western fringe of Alaska. And while Alaska wasn’t yet a state in 1942, it was an American territory. In the same way that we’d freak out about a hostile force occupying Puerto Rico today, Americans of the time went loopy at Attu and Kiska’s annexation.

After Pearl Harbor, it was probably the biggest psychological blow of the entire war. The public fretted the Japanese army would proceed along the Aleutian chain until they conquered Alaska proper. Only a few months before, the Battle of Los Angeles had seen antiaircraft guns pepper the LA sky when someone thought they saw a Japanese plane, and now the Imperial army was making a real move on America.

Yet nothing like what the press and public feared ever came to pass. Japan had neither the resources or the inclination to occupy the whole of Alaska. In fact, some historians think they only grabbed Attu and Kiska to distract US attention from their attack on Midway Island. Whatever the truth, the occupation only lasted 14 months before the US retook the islands.

4. The Kaiser’s Plan to Have Mexico Invade Texas

Despite his reputation as a fearsome warmonger, Kaiser Wilhelm sometimes seems more like a supervillain from a cruddy Saturday morning kids’ show. He even had a knack for coming up with the sort of easily-defeated plans Skeletor would be embarrassed by. Chief among those was the time he tried to convince Mexico to launch an unprovoked invasion on Texas.

It was January 1917, and the US was a mere four months away from joining WWI. Rather than do everything in his power to keep the Americans out, the Kaiser had foreign secretary Arthur Zimmermann telegram the German ambassador to Mexico, instructing him to make Mexico an offer they could almost certainly refuse. With German financial and military backing, the Mexicans would invade America, while also trying to convince the Japanese to join in the war. In return, Mexico would be able to reclaim territory recently taken by Texas.

For a plan that relied a whole lot on Mexico taking arms against the US, it failed to recognize that there were literally no scenarios where Mexico could defeat the American military. On top of this, the British managed to intercept and decode the Zimmerman Telegram and make its contents public. Mexico wisely decided to keep out of the war. The US, meanwhile, decided to join in, achieving the exact opposite of what the Kaiser had hoped for.

3. Britain and France Almost Join the Civil War

In the early days of the Civil War, the Confederacy really believed it could get the European powers on its side. The South was the main exporter of cotton to the continent. European countries, it was believed, would all rather recognize the Confederacy than face a cotton shortage. In the end, Britain and France nearly did join in the war… but not due to any cleverness on the South’s part. Instead, they almost attacked the Union over a badly-bungled Yankee mission to arrest two Confederate diplomats.

At the time, the diplomats were traveling on the British ship Trent to drum up European support for their cause. The North seized the ship, arrested the two Confederate men, and then let the Trent continue on her way. Unfortunately, holding a neutral ship up was in violation of international law. When the British found out, they hit the roof.

London immediately began drawing up plans for war, including an attack from Canada and a bombardment of the Union ships blockading Confederate ports. At the same time, France announced it would back Britain in any conflict with America, raising the insane possibility of the US Civil War spilling over into WWI’s unnecessary prequel.

Ultimately, the Union apologized to Britain and let the arrested men free. The UK and France backed off, and the prospect of a Confederacy with powerful friends never materialized.

2. Japan Successfully Occupies Guam

A small island in the Pacific, Guam was taken from the Spanish during the Spanish-American War and has been classified as an unincorporated US territory ever since. In WWII, it was also the site of Japan’s most successful invasion of American territory. Hours after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the Imperial Army seized the island. What followed was a thirty month horror show of rape, forced labor, murder and torture.

The occupation of Guam was the closest the Japanese got to interring American citizens en masse and it shows just how lucky we are that they never got any closer. Chamorros (Guam natives) were beheaded, worked to death, and forced into concentration camps in the heart of the jungle. They were beaten, their women raped, and their children mutilated. Then the American navy attacked to retake the territory, and the shelling killed even more Chamorros.

Eventually, on August 8 1944, US forces succeeded in liberating Guam. It marked the end of Imperial Japan’s hopes of invading and occupying America.

1. The Confederacy Nearly Takes Washington, DC

We mentioned earlier that no enemy nation has successfully invaded the American mainland since the British burned the White House. Depending on how you define a nation, the Brits might have almost had some company. In 1864, as the Civil War was drawing to a close, Confederate troops under Jubal Early nearly pulled off an impossible trick. They came within a hair’s width of successfully invading and destroying Washington, DC.

It’s impossible now to imagine how this could’ve affected our perceptions of the war. The destruction of the Federal capital at the hands of Southern rebels would’ve thrown the entire Yankee force into disarray. And it nearly happened by accident. Early just happened to march near Washington at a time when Union defenses were stretched so thin his army could break through. So he rallied his troops, and nearly pulled off the impossible.

We say ‘nearly’ because one factor stood in his way: his men were just too dang tired. After relentless days of marching in the middle of a suffocating heatwave, they simply couldn’t move fast enough. To Early’s dismay, his men weren’t up to the job. Washington was saved.


United States Invaded!

– WIF Almanac