Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 223

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 223

…at no time do you sample the wine, to do so will result in severe consequences…

COMISKEY PARK

Pentateuch-001

“This is the Communion bread. There will be one loaf per section isle and itcommunion will be served first. The consumer, (actually termed communicant), will tear off a chunk and pass it to the right, to the end of the isle. Do not eat the bread you guys, I repeat do not eat the bread,” Winters/Penty is speaking to a meeting of 500 Comiskey concessionaires, who temporarily put down their cotton candy and soda to hand out communion elements.

“The little bottles of wine will be in a tray like this one and each person will take one and pass the tray to the right.” The Boss of them glares into each and every one of their eyes. “But first we must get the wine into the bottles. Watch and listen.”

He enlists two pre-trained volunteers to demonstrate.

“Do you see how these little bottles have a screw on cap? Working in pairs, one will twist the cap counterclockwise to remove it; your partner will fill the turkey baster from the pitcher, then fill the highly collectible souvenir bottle. Then you will replace the cap and place the bottle in the tray.” Concession captain Winters is coordinating the assembly of 45,000 doses, (actually termed servings), of Communion wine. “Just like the bread, at no time do you sample the wine. To do so will result in severe consequences (fired from a $1.75/hr. job?)… No finger licking, no nothing!”

To ask these men to refrain from sampling is a stretch. A hunk of this and a sip of that, it is a well practiced perk, when no one is looking. Don’t you think the gals at the hot dog stand occasionally test the doneness of their encased meat?

In this case, any covertly consumed spiritual product will have unfortunate side-effects.


Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 187

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 218

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 218

…Whack, just like that… I like whack, whack is a good word…

Back where all the Holy Rollin’ action is going to take place, Comiskey Park home of white soxthe Chicago White Sox American League Baseball Team, the team is on a road trip after opening the season on April 17th against the Saint Louis Browns. They have started well, 5-1, considering they finished with a 60-94-2 record in the 1950 season and 38 games behind the dreaded Yankees. But hope springs eternal with each new season. Surely Nellie Fox and Minnie Minoso will lead them to the World Series; surely.

Even more surely, is the fact that the baseball facility must get prepared for a good old-fashioned bible meeting from the right Reverend Billy Graham.

“I’m here to deliver the wine,” a burly man wearing a Wirtz Beverage shirt pulls up the rolling rear door of his delivery truck, revealing not a bottle or two of wine, but 6-55 gallon oak barrels of ceremonial spirits. He muscles the vats onto the loading dock, with the aid of a barrel-mover, an ingenious dolly invented by someone with a bad back, brought on my muscling wine and beer barrels by hand.

“How do we get the wine out of these things?” asks vending captain Joseph Winters looking at the barrels like they are a big mystery. (Note to the wise: They don’t serve wine in hell)

The expert in potable alcohol produces six spigots and a wooden mallet. “Do you see this cork here on the bottom? All you do is position the spout in front of it and give it a steady whack and bam it pushes in the cork and takes its place, 1-2-3.”

“Whack, just like that… I like whack, whack is a good word.”

“I’m not telling you what to do, but if you put the wine into smaller containers, like milk pitchers, it will make it easier to dispense.”

“Yes, we want to make sure everyone gets a good sip! You never know, it may be their last.”

The delivery guy thinks to himself, ‘A little wine won’t kill anyone.’


Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 182

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 213

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 213

…”You can certainly count on me!” – Ready, willing & evil…

Ready & Evil-001

Comiskey Concession-001

“I like you Winters, a real go-getter you are,” the director of concessions for Comiskey Park has identified our villain as a key employee (or the only one to volunteer to do something that isn’t on commission). “That event on the 28th, the one with all those teetotalers, well they need 350 gallons of wine of all things. We will be handing out 45,000 1oz. servings of Manischewitz and I – would like you to be in charge of that.”

“You can certainly count on me!” -Ready, willing & evil.

“Great, I thought I could count on you – you will need to fill, seal and be able to distribute every one of those portions in 15 minutes – that will take a miracle!”

“How do we collect the money?” Winters/Penty is playing dumb. Hell, if churches charged cash money for Communion wine, there would be significantly fewer churchgoers, the ultimate result/goal in his wicked world.

“You’re a  funny dog,  Winters! When exactly was the last time you were in a church,” implying that he didn’t have a clue about lightning striking when he enters a place of worship.

“I don’t believe in going to church. I have better things to do with my Sundays.”

“Wow, at least I’m a two-timer.”

“You cheat on your wife? Great – I mean that’s a shame – You don’t look like the type.”

“No stupid, I go to church at Christmas and Easter, hence two-timer, get it?”

Angry

“I’ll do the job, but never call me stupid again,” he states. ‘I can back up my threats you ignorant human,’ goes unstated.

His poor soak “boss” has no idea what this greasy guy is up to.


Constance Caraway P.I.

Forever Mastadon


page 179

Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 210

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Constance Caraway P.I. ~ Episode 210

Chapter Eighteen

THE SPREADING WORD

…“How can you make money by giving away free wine?” Devil Dollars aren’t redeemable…

DEVIL DOLLARS-001

On the heels of his great mischief of on March 12th, Pentateuch learns of the Billy Graham Crusades returning to Chicago. “They must be suckers for punishment.” What manner of tomfoolery can the Dark Deceptor unleash on the innocent and unsuspecting that plan to be there in late April? An infectious disease from 1000 B.C. may affect the greatest number of them, but if it gets out of control, too many of his best bad people might become ill. He is in need every rotten tomato in his shrinking basket.

Good thing for him, he can redeploy the Joseph Winters ruse, this time Mr. Winters will get a job as a concessionaire at Comiskey Park. Penty is so versatile that it’s a shame that he doesn’t use his talents for good.

Concessions

And even though his Great Deception monopoly has been pretty much shot to hell, his tormenting spirit lives on and if he can muck up all this revival nonsense, like he has done a number of times before. That would certainly make it a banner year for him.

There are no beer sales at this Major League ballpark, tailored just for the crusade Christian clientele. “How’s an angel supposed to make a decent wage?” You must keep in mind that Pentateuch is an Angel of God, although falling as far as possible from His good graces. His current lament applies to how he can poison as many of the 45,000 as inhumanely possible. “Poisoned bodies or poisoned minds, how did I do it back in 1904?”

(There have been other revivals since 1904, mainly in the British Isles and Africa, but the legacy of D.L. Moody was strong as he passed the torch on to others. But it is hard to keep the momentum going when you attempt to evangelize the entire planet; a noble but improbable undertaking.)

This time around, Penty/Winters have discovered that the concessionaires will be handing out something for free. “How can you make money by giving stuff away?” Devil Dollars aren’t redeemable.

Communion is the heavenly handout and it is only given to those who are right with God. This means that the vast majority of the forty thousand plus will eat a hunk of stale bread and drink a miser’s portion of Manischewitz wine; hmmm, the putrefying possibilities.

Libbyites-001The what-ifs and why-nots are all point toward mass mayhem. After all, what does he have to worry about? Those damned Libbyites think they have won, above all that witch Caraway; the one human that has plunked herself in the middle of his best laid plans…….but even she is given to go off and cavort with that grounded Texas fly/playboy. (She doesn’t even know -nor does he – that he has a kid in Brazil.)


Constance Caraway P.I.

Satans Place-001

Forever Mastadon


page 176