Punny Men #6

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#6

#6

Punny Men #6

When cave men got together they formed clubs.

Some men view marriage as a matter of wife and debt.

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Men are like steel because they are worthless when they lose their temper.

Image result for steel

 

When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.

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Punny Men #6

Females Rule – Males…..are Mere Men

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Top 10 Reasons the American Future is Female

 

Ever since the first American woman said “I deserve a right to vote,” we knew there was trouble coming. And guess what? From the available trends and data, it looks like we are looking at a future where American women as a whole have it better than American men. Even though it’s kind of un-American to think of people as collectives instead of as individuals, here are ten significant factors.

10. Male Health Is Awful

Health

If you’ve ever touched any surface or looked into any corner not immediately visible in a bachelor pad, it might not surprise you to find out that a male bachelor pad is 15 times germier than a bachelorette pad. This is just one of the many contributing factors to the fact men are in general sicker than women. This is actually going to prove more serious than us guys would like to admit: a higher amount of colds, bouts of the flu, and general sickness are big contributors to Alzheimer’s disease. So by the time there’s all that social security and retirement money available, seems like she’ll be the only one sane enough to use it. Don’t get me started on health insurance.

Sources: 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41514712/ns/health-mens_health/t/dirty-truth-bachelor-pads-have-times-more-germs/

http://www.thehealthage.com/man-flu-proof-scientists-male-species-wimp-colds/0120/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1211860/How-catching-cold-worsens-Alzheimers-Common-infections-double-rate-decline.html

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Alzheimers/male-brains-decline-sooner-female/story?id=11553164

9. The Male Unemployment Rate is Higher

unemployed

While most of us non-evil types were hurt pretty badly by the recession, women might really, really be beneficiaries of it in the long run. Of late, the male unemployment rate is 10.4% in America while the female is approximately 8%. Among the various reasons is the fact that men were, on average, paid significantly more than their female counterparts. The bigger they are…

Sources:

http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2010/07/07/128359804/unemployment-rate-men-vs-women

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/womens-health/articles/2011/08/23/in-tough-times-jobless-men-embrace-housework

8. Male Education is Dropping

stupid

Toptenz is very lucky to have plenty of nice ladies handy to read our articles to us, because, you see, education trends are skewing heavily, heavily in female favor. It’s not just college graduation rates but 7% less male students graduate high school than female students. So yeah, looks like the need for ladies that read for us is just going to expand.

Sources:

http://www.prb.org/Articles/2011/gender-gap-in-education.aspx

http://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2010/06/10/34execsum.h29.html

7. Boys Are Inferior Babies

baby boys

For some reason, some weirdoes seem to treat dead babies like a big or serious deals, so it’ll just be the facts for this one. Male infant mortality rates are as much as 30% higher in developed counties and even in some developing countries where the female is usually considered less valuable (e.g., India.) This hints at a larger trend that will be expanded upon later.

Sources:

http://www.redorbit.com/news/health/1310570/male_infant_fatality_rate_higher_than_female_infants

http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-04-15/pune/29421213_1_infant-mortality-girl-child-male-child

6. There are an Expanding Number of Female Millionaires

jk rowling

Yes, men still lead the pack by a wide margin as far as billionaires go, but trends indicate that with their higher amount of education, increased business opportunities, and better health, women are going to be overtaking men in many areas of financial security within your lifetime (if you’re female. If you’re a guy, you’ll probably have done something to take yourself out first.) And an article by the UK’s Telegraph reported the estimation that women will control 60% of Great Britain’s wealth by 2025, and the trends there are not really that different from America’s.

Sources:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/investing/2931301/Why-were-asking-more-women-for-financial-advice.html

5. Men are WAY More Likely to Die on the Job Site

danger

So, with a comparatively declining amount of education and a lessening amount of money, what else is going wrong for men in the workplace in relation to women? It might not be the most surprising thing in the world, but consider that in 2005, for example, around 5,328 men in America were killed on the job site as opposed to 406 women.

Sources:

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/on-men/2008/06/13/7-reasons-men-die-first

4. More Adopted Females Than Males

adoption

So, suppose the male baby survives infancy but is left an orphan for reasons beyond his control (unless he’s the Antichrist.) Turns out girls will still have the advantage on him. Females make up 64% of all adopted children in the U.S. of international babies and are adopted more than 12% more internal adoptions. Given that the adoption process is so difficult and time consuming that it’s very, very likely only a very stable and relatively well-to-do, this means girls are also being introduced into the families with money and status.

Sources:

http://www.slate.com/id/2093899/

3. Cow Hormones In the Water

cow

Let’s take a break from all of these serious, rational reasons and just go silly for this one:

The influence of the female is indeed subtle and treacherous. They are not content to merely take control of our economy, but they want us to be more like them! One of the most insidious ways is a very subtle, very clever little number: the amount of female hormones in our water supply is increasing hugely, increasing the number of men who need breast reduction and suffering from other inadequacies of masculinity. This is accomplished by inducing cows that have had massive injections of hormones to urinate. Animal urine not being as properly processed as human urine, this has tainted out ground water supply to say nothing of dairy and meat products. Unfortunately, us men are going to be too dumb and poor to do anything about it.

Sources:

http://women.webmd.com/news/20101209/birth-control-pills-not-a-major-source-of-estrogen-in-water-supply

2. Sexism Was Just Making Them Stronger

mad men

Coming from a past of Mad Men-like gender inequality, psychologists, business teachers and consultants are positing that a woman in the work place tends to make for a better leader due to the increasing adversity strengthening drive and character. Which is great, because it gives us the excuse of “it was for your own good!”

Sources:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201003/why-women-make-better-leaders-men
http://pewresearch.org/pubs/932/men-or-women-whos-the-better-leader

1. The Y-Chromosome Is Deteriorating

y chromosome

Now THIS is a bit more distant as far as the future goes, but still, the precursor effects seem to be visible now. The Y-chromosome is susceptible to mutation, degradation, and has been losing genes since its emergence, much faster than the X.  How fast is that? Well, the theory is that in all species across the entire world, the Y-chromosome will be gone within five million years. So those of you hoping for a great x5,000 grandson should probably give up on that. We know: it can be hard to let go. And yes, we are imagining the United States of America will still be around in five million years.

Females Rule – Males…..are Mere Men

Brotherly Love

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“Have you ever had “feelings” for a relative, perhaps a cousin from your father’s side? Love can sneak up on you and reside in a place where there is no handbook.”

— Gwendolyn Hoff, The Life And Times Of A Black Southern Doctor

Bauvard

“I heard a sermon admonishing people to practice more brotherly love, so I did. I’m still in jail. If I could only give young siblings today one piece of advice, it would be: ‘Don’t turn loyalty into a culturally universal taboo. Just give lip service.”

― BauvardEvergreens Are Prudish

Brotherly Love

3 Corner Love

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Vera Nazarian

“Love is made up of three unconditional properties in equal measure:

1. Acceptance
2. Understanding
3. Appreciation

Remove any one of the three and the triangle falls apart.

Which, by the way, is something highly inadvisable. Think about it — do you really want to live in a world of only two dimensions?

So, for the love of a triangle, please keep love whole.”
― Vera NazarianThe Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

Ally Carter

“Don’t let two men fall in love with you, girls. It’s not the sort of thing that ends well.”
-Uncle Charles”

― Ally CarterUncommon Criminals

Gabrielle Zevin

“As many have discovered, it is entirely possible (although not particularly desirable) to love two people with all your heart. It is entirely possible to long for two lives, to feel that one life can’t come close to containing it all.”
― Gabrielle ZevinElsewhere
Aprilynne Pike

“I just don’t want to cozy up to the guy whose girl I have every intention of stealing.”
― Aprilynne Pike

John Green

“I didn’t know what to say to her – I was caught in a love triangle with one dead side.”
― John Green

3 Corner Love

Love triangles

Fashion

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Jane Austen

“It would be mortifying to the feelings of many ladies, could they be made to understand how little the heart of a man is affected by what is costly or new in their attire… Woman is fine for her own satisfaction alone. No man will admire her the more, no woman will like her the better for it. Neatness and fashion are enough for the former, and a something of shabbiness or impropriety will be most endearing to the latter.”

― Jane AustenNorthanger Abbey

Oscar Wilde

“You can never be overdressed or overeducated.”
― Oscar Wilde
Coco Chanel

“A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.”

― Coco Chanel

Marilyn Monroe

“I don’t know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot!”
― Marilyn Monroe

Fashion

Affairs

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F. Scott Fitzgerald

“A love affair is like a short story–it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning was easy, the middle might drag, invaded by commonplace, but the end, instead of being decisive and well knit with that element of revelatory surprise as a well-written story should be, it usually dissipated in a succession of messy and humiliating anticlimaxes.”

― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Dejan Stojanovic

“Serious affairs and history are carefully laid snares for the uninformed.”

― Dejan StojanovicThe Sun Watches the Sun

W. Somerset Maugham

“She says it’s really not very flattering to her that the women who fall in love with her husband are so uncommonly second-rate.”

― W. Somerset MaughamThe Painted Veil

 

Affairs

Competing for a Guy

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Willie Nelson

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

― Willie Nelson

David Levithan

“An unarticulated crush is very different from an unrequited one, because at least with an unrequited crush you know what the hell you’re doing, even if the other person isn’t doing it back. An unarticulated crush is harder to grapple with, because it’s a crush that you haven’t even admitted to yourself. The romantic forces are all there — you want to see him, you always notice him, you treat every word from him as if it weighs more than anyone else’s. But you don’t know why. You don’t know that you’re doing it. You’d follow him to the end of the earth without ever admitting that your feet were moving.”

― David LevithanGeektastic: Stories from the Nerd Herd

Competing For a Guy